Friday, January 23, 2009

Could You Please Use That In A Sentence?


According to my pals Merriam & Webster, "fun" is: 1: what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically: playful often boisterous action or speech; 2: a mood for finding or making amusement; 3a: amusement , enjoyment b: derisive jest: sport, ridicule.

E.g. - "It is fun to play Mario Kart on Nintendo Wii." Also: "I have fun when I go shopping at the mall."

In this month's issue of "Fit Pregnancy," they have scattered "Pregnancy Fun Facts" all over the pages. Allow me to provide you with some golden nuggets of wisdom and per usual, my snarky commentary follows in italics:
  1. During pregnancy, my uterus will grow to 1,000 times its normal size. (WTF? Seriously?)
  2. 17% of women try to lose weight while pregnant. (...and those women are MORONS)
  3. Pregnant women who use cell phones are 54% more likely to have children with behavioral problems at age 7. (Me and the Verizon guy need to have a chatty-chat. Um, you know...face to face, I guess.)
  4. Babies born to moms who have low levels of vitamin D are more likely to have signs of tooth decay at 16 months than babies whose mothers had adequate levels of the vitamin during pregnancy. (Have you seen my, Chiclets? My kid's totally gonna be fine.)

Everyone who thinks the above list sounds *fun*, please raise your hand. [no movement from the blogosphere]

Just as I suspected. Whoever wrote this list is probably the same d-bag that wrote the 20 week update. He needs to be fired, stat.

So here's a list of truly fun pregnancy facts - straight from this momma's mouth:

  1. The first time you feel your baby kick is insanely awesome. There are no words to describe it. Granted, you will have your days when you want to kick back, but this is about the fun, no?
  2. Eating ice cream with abandon is a cherished gift. Breakfast, lunch, dinner - whatever tickles your fancy. Embrace it!
  3. Registering...weeellll, that's notsofun. Getting a bunch of awesome presents, however, totally is.
  4. Listening to your hubby (or life partner, we don't discriminate here) ramble on and on about how cool it's going to be to have someone to take fishing. (Because clearly, I'm only on the boat for the suntan.)

The above list is f-u-n. Like, pee yourself after laughing at the greatest joke ever told by Jim Gaffigan fun. Take note, people at "Fit Pregnancy." Take note.

And this is not a fun fact, but according to the ads for Palmer's in this month's issue, Laila Ali is totes still prego. (Not true, people! I equate this error to opening a current issue of "People" only to find out that Jess and Nick have just broken up. Get with it!)

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