Wednesday, October 1, 2014

That one time I ran and wasn't being chased by a bear.

I have this friend. Her name is Keliann and she tricks me into agreeing to do things that I would otherwise probably not do. Like running. She has big boobs and I think she uses them to hypnotize me, but whatever.

Keliann convinced me that a 5K on my resume would be a good thing. "You'll be so proud of yourself!" she swore to me. And to make her argument more compelling, she insisted that it should be a Color Run. Because, you know, they're fun.

And so, during the wee hours of this most recent Saturday morning, I put on some ridiculously obnoxious spandex pants (violation of life #1) and a white tee shirt (#2) and ran (#3) ~3.1 miles to a loud and colorful finish line.

And you know what? It was sort of fun. And I almost liked it.

In no way does this classify me as a "runner" and you can also take it to the bank that I ate nothing but Dairy Queen the following day as a reward because all my parts and pieces hurt...but I DID it.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The #SkimmLife.

From time to time I like to share things that make my life easier and smarter to help you make your life easier and smarter. See also: beverages containing tequila, beauty products 101crafty home things, and even the occasional Halloween costume life hack.

Rarely am I serious and rarely are my helpful tips and tricks related to real life. But recently I came across a company called theSkimm--and it's my new morning addiction. It's a daily (free) email newsletter that quickly breaks down current events, world trends and pretty much anything "now"—and it’s written with snark, wit and humor. And the co-founders? Two smart, sassy ladies who are taking the news world by storm.

Click here or the image above to sign up. All you need is an email address. And that's all they'll ever ask for!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Regarding Kindergarten.

With just over 3 weeks of Kindergarten under our belts, I've taken the time and energy to come out from hiding underneath my kitchen table clutching a bottle of Don Julio to discuss how our world has changed. Kindergarten is a wonderful, magical place. But there's also a shitload of crap that nobody really wants to talk to you about. But me? Oh you know I want to talk about it.

First, we'll discuss the restroom. Oh yes. Kindergartners still go poop, did you know that? And did you also know that because of the relatively sick and twisted world we live in, they're pretty much left to their own devices to do this? Alex knows how to wipe himself, make no mistake about that. But if the kid who sits next to him doesn't know how? Dear Lord. A situation.

Next, let's discuss lunch. Alex attends before (and after) school latchkey, so in addition to hot lunch, he's also offered a hot breakfast. Nice, right? I've noted before that he has a hollow leg and will eat anything that's not nailed down, so getting him to eat the school food is not the problem. Getting him to not eat ALL the school food is the problem. You see, he has an online account that I place funds in, and every time he visits his girlfriends (aka the lunch ladies) they deduct money from his account. Either he's eating very, very well, or I'm funding the head chef's 2015 family trip to Greece.

Recess is a whole 'nother situation. They play outside, sure. But where? When? I have no idea. And if he forgets to bring home one more jacket I'll probably lose my mind.

I cannot even discuss the PTO at this moment in time. Don Julio and I will be back for another sesh on that in a week or so. At the end of the day, it's very nice people doing very nice things. But the efficiency-obsessed Type A in me just doesn't have the patience.

In summary, Alex is loving everything about Kindergarten. He's certain he's going to marry his teacher someday and is really thriving. I'm so proud of him. As for me? I also love his teacher, but will stop short of a marriage proposal. I also have control issues that I'm working through and wishing for the easy, scheduled days with Aunt Jane.

I try to be a very "go with the flow" kind of person, and I swear I'm not a helicopter Mom...but I really just miss him. I miss knowing the names and faces of all his friends and getting all of his silly inside jokes. This is why I'd like to just strap a Go Pro to his head and call it a day. Do you think the public school system would be into that?

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Harper and the hippo.

ELEVEN MONTHS...exsqueeze moi? How am I already planning a 1st birthday party for this bundle of sass?! It's not just a river in Egypt, is what I'm saying.

Oh that mischievous little look on her face says it ALL about 11 months. She very much understands the word "no" and very much does not like to hear it. She has the BEST b*tch face and if she didn't put on such a show every time the cameras came out, I'd have a photo of it here to share with you. (Diva,  I'm telling you.) Want a mental picture? Imagine Grumpy Cat but that face above. That's as accurate as I can get with it.

Other notable updates include a TOOTH! She's got one rogue little chomper coming through on her bottom gums and if her crankiness and fondness of chewing on everything of late is any indication, there's a whole set of dentures to follow shortly.

Also, she thinks she can walk...and while I admire her persistence, the reality of the situation is that she cannot walk. Hence the recent meeting of her forehead with the business end of our kitchen cabinets:

One thing is for certain: this girl is confident if nothing else. Where Alex was a shy, reserved and quiet baby, Harper would like everyone to know she's in the room and to pay attention to her always. I suppose she gets that from her Dad? Ha.

Happy 11 months, our sweet girl! Your bright eyes and sweet smile continue to brighten the world, our world.

P.S. - Here's Alex at 11 months for comparison.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A tribute.

A week from today, this smart, handsome and confident little boy starts kindergarten. I'm so proud of him.


Among other things, he tells me he can't wait to play on the playground, pick out his lunches and learn from his new teacher.

The key word there being "new," because he's had a teacher for the last 5 years and she is wonderful. Beyond wonderful, in fact. It's funny that most of my emotions around Alex going to kindergarten aren't centered around what he's going to; they're focused on what he's leaving.

I've raved more than once about how incredible Mrs. Davis' Daycare is, but it's also important to acknowledge that it's so much more for Alex. For Joe and me, it is a place where we knew he was safe, he was learning, and he was growing. But for Alex, it was his world. It's where he made his first friends, and learned how to BE a friend. It's where he learned to read and write his name. It's where he learned how to wash his hands and to be polite. He was encouraged to pray before meals, to honor our country and respect all people.

Aunt Jane (and yes, even Uncle Tom) have been much, much more than "just a daycare" for us. They're part of the village that has helped to shape and mold our Alex into the smart, creative and eager boy that he is. And for that I'm eternally thankful.

The wonderful news is that this isn't "goodbye" to our Aunt Jane, because Miss Harper will still be at Mrs. Davis' Daycare. I've half joked that she can stay there until she goes to College, but each day the idea sounds more appealing.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Welcome, Daniel Isaac!

On August 18 at 9:37 am, little Daniel Issac joined the party at 21 inches long and 8 lbs., 14 oz. He's sweet as pie and is so loved by many already, but it should be noted that I spent >20 hours in a car to meet him, so I feel like "Best Auntie" was an earned title. Note: I still loathe toll roads, all of Canada and public restrooms. But this boy? Love him.

In related news, I recently started having a love affair
with hot rollers. Best life idea, ever.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Harper and the Hippo.

Hello lovelies! Long time no see. So much has happened since we last chatted. We went on a special Alex-only trip to Chicago to celebrate Kindergarten and on Monday Alex and Harper got another new cousin! More on both of those later...

Let's chat about this little spark of sass, shall we?

She's 10 months old and all up in errybody's business. Still nary a tooth in sight (le sigh) but she's learned she can gum anything to death and pretty much eats what we eat now. And all the people said, "amen!" 

At her 9 month well visit we finally saw some growth outside that 30% mark, which I think is due in part to little Miss Piggy eating entire chicken breasts for dinner, but no matter. She's much more confident in pulling herself up on things and has really started to interact with her toys more. Her personality remains that of a 13 year old, and I've resigned myself to the fact that she's basically a carbon copy of me and I should accept the circle of life.

Truly, she's a joy. It's impossible to be around her and not smile or giggle right along. Additionally, she's hardcore winning at life in the hair department and her eyelashes are nothing short of unfair. I'm so proud to be her Momma.

"Oh, herro dere."

"Who, me?"

Such sweetness.

A true capture of the moment.
Girl's got places to go and toys to find!

P.S. - Here's Alex at 10 months. I CAN'T WITH THE TEETH.