An Open Letter.

Dear whoever invented the Wendy's Frosty mix-in concoction (specifically, the Oreo):

You are a freakin' genius and I adore you.

Love,
Kristi

P.S. - I would also like to thank the local Muskegon Wendy's manager for keeping the drive-thru open past 11 p.m. Thanks, pal!

I Do!!

Since WIP has 2 weddings to attend in the first 4 months of his life, I decided he needed to look the part.

You might remember I had initially planned to get him a screen printed onesie to look like a tux. Alas, he got the real deal.



I know! Isn't it the cutest? I snagged it on ebay for $14.99. I also got a PiddlePad ($6), a cute little Polo outfit ($0.99) and am still the highest bidder on some bottles and an extra carseat base.

Perhaps my version of "nesting" is hunting for ridiculous deals.

Showered With Love.

The shower on Saturday was an absolute blast. It was thrown with lots of love by Grandma Joette (my mom) and Grandma Susan (Joey's mom). The men were our servers for the afternoon - so not only did we have some nice eye candy, they worked hard, too! :)

As only my luck would have it, Mother Nature also decided to drop a big, fat snowstorm on most of Southern Michigan that same day between the hours of noon and 3 p.m. Please note that the shower was scheduled to begin at 1 p.m., so the worst of the snow dumping was during prime guest driving time. Honestly, there wasn't a FLECK of snow on the ground at 10 a.m. on Saturday and Friday was quite possibly the most gorgeous day we'd had in a long, long time. Le sigh.

Come to think of it, it just might be my karma. I graduated from college in April of 2005 and the same thing happened that day...and it was APRIL!

Despite the snow, we still had a great turnout. Only about a dozen people couldn't make it because of the storm - and to the people that braved the weather and STILL came, THANK YOU!! It was so fun to have you there to celebrate our little WIP.

The decorations were perfect. The food was delish. The dessert was scrumptious. Have a look for yourself (click on any image to make it larger):



PROOF! I snapped this one at about 11 am - 2 hours before the shower was slated to start. And it just kept snowing and snowing and snowing and snowing...



The "baby Kristi" picture board. I was even a diva back then.



The "baby Joey" board. You cannot look at his board and my board and tell me I'm not going to birth the hairiest little monkey you've ever seen. Poor kid will be shaving at 6.



The tables! It was so perfect that the church had blue table settings already!



The food table - blue and fabulous. (It was even more fabulous once the delicious food was on it.)



Pinning Joey's "boutonniere" on him. It was a picture of WIP's 3D ultrasound. Totally staged.



Proud Mommy and Daddy.



Joey and I with my parents. Note the polka-dot theme.



Joey and I with his mom, Susan. (Wow...I look enormous.)



Joey (hilariously) demonstrating his favorite Daddy accessory - the Bjorn. I'm relatively certain he will NEVER take it off once WIP is born. Well, at least until the kid no longer fits in it. Haha - can you imagine him carrying the little dude into preschool in that? Or maybe even to 8th grade basketball tryouts? :) Or auditions for the school musical...we'll be encouraging parents.



Me showing off a HAND MADE freakin' awesome diaper bag from my cousin, Lauren. She's so talented it's unreal. She also makes purses and other crafty, fabulous things. If you want her info, leave a comment or shoot me an email! She can custom make something to match your taste and style! (Isn't it cool how she made this to match WIP's room? I LOVE IT!!!)

Joey showing off one of the gifts I bought him - it's a onesie that says "Weepublican." Despite your political affiliation, it's totally cute.

Joey proudly showing off one of his favorite gifts. It's a bib that says "Future Pike." It was a gift from his fraternity brother and best friend, Mike. There was also the cutest little polo shirt with their Greek letters embroidered in it. Can you picture little WIP wearing it, popped collar and spiked hair? P-I-M-P!

Yippie skippie! Our stroller/carseat travel system!!!

Dessert! Petit fours with little baby booties on them and sherbet...with a baby! :)

A big thank you, again, to everyone that was able to make it and for all of the lovely gifts. We are so, so blessed to have such an amazing support system of family and friends as we bring a little life into this world. We can't wait until he's here to share with everyone!! Like they say, it takes a village. :)

Oh. My. God.

Right at this very moment I am sitting at our kitchen table diligently writing shower thank you notes while my devilishly handsome hubby prepares a mexi-fab dinner in the kitchen.

That's odd...my shirt feels wet.

Touch, touch. Feel, feel.

HOLY CRAP MY RIGHT BOOB JUST LEAKED SOMETHING. I am going to vomit all over myself in about thirty seconds. Did I not just write about boob leakage in today's HDBD post? And you already know how disgusting I think boobs are. Sick-ah-ning.

I am now going to shower and wrap myself in absorbent gauze.

Who, Me?

I'm so flattered! My (mid) Mid-Life Crisis has given me my first blogger award! Thank you!!!

It's so weird to think that something that started as a way to keep friends and family apprised on all my pregnancy news and drama has evolved into a "real" blog...with followers and everything! I've had over 8,000 visitors since October 2008 - that's just nuts. Mikey likes me...he really likes me!

I'm always excited to read your comments and see new followers, and hope that I can stay snarky enough to keep you all coming back.

Apparently the rules of blog awards are very straightforward (I'm still learning) : nominate a blog or two that I lurve and let the author know she's been tagged. My picks are:

1. Jamie from Living Life. One Blonde Moment At A Time. - I giggle a little harder at every post. Plus, she has a sick obsession with the Snuggie...who can't love that? :)

2. Clemsongirl from Clemsongirl and the Coach. - Her daily antics provide a delightful insight into what my future will look like with a houseful of boys. If only I could be as fabulous while doing it! :)

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Holy moly, people. We are in Week 32!! It's getting so real it's almost scary. Scary in a good way, though.

I hit snooze about 8 too many times this morning, so there was no time for the snazzy black pants in le bump pics. But, I do have on my work pants - you know you love that stretchy side panel. Hot!



"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 32 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 18.9 inches long from head to toe and weighs almost 4 pounds. It fills almost all the space in your uterus now. A layer of fat is forming underneath the thin, wrinkly skin. Baby's practicing opening his eyes and breathing. Most internal systems are well developed, but the lungs may still be immature. You may continue to get backaches and leg cramps and you may notice colostrum -- a yellowish fluid that precedes milk production -- leaking from your breasts."

Joe gets these emailed to him every week, too...and when he read it he sent me an instant message that said "WAS NOT PREPARED TO READ ABOUT COLOSTRUM." Hehe...so funny. Maybe he can ask Miss Priss all about it at class next Tuesday? I'm sure she has an educational speech prepared for the masses.

We had an appointment yesterday morning and I'm happy to report that I'm still a "very boring" pregnancy. They drew blood again to test my thyroid and for the first time ever, the nurse totally effed it up. I have a bruise on my arm and it hurts like whoa. Stupid nurse.

In other news, I'm downloading all my shower pics right now so you can expect that post tomorrow. If any of you are looking for a photographer to document a life event, I'm pretty sure you should hire my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Jill. She was on camera duty at the shower and captured everything - even the sorbet! :) Thank you, Jill!!!

Bargains!

I realize my posts are a little out of control today...I just can't help myself.

You're all aware of my addiction to deals, coupons and bargains, so this should come as no surprise.

I must share with all the local moms a sincere treasure I just discovered in Sterling Heights - at the corner of 16 and Dequindre, to be exact. It's called Kids Go 'Round Auctions and is a children's resale shop (they also have an ebay storefront). The super cool thing is that the store is broken into 2 sections - clothing and "other."

In the "other" section, they have everything from cribs to toy chests to wagons to swings to strollers to carseats...so. much. stuff. But the BEST news is that they had the aquarium bouncer I've wanted! But instead of the ridiculously overpriced $54.99 pricetag I would have had to swallow at Babies 'R Us, I snagged it for $18!

There was SO much more I wanted to buy, but I refrained because we're going to a Mom2Mom sale in Farmington next week and there's still another resale store I have to check out in Troy. I'm also planning on heading to the warehouse I snagged our glider from to get one of those fancy tummy playmats (new!) for $35...as opposed to $64.99 @ BRU.

It's a sickness, I know. But when we take a vacation in November with all the money we've saved it will be so, so worth it. :)

Dear WIP...

Mommy is in a very important 4 hour meeting right now and actually needs to pay attention, which is very difficult when you are doing the macarena on my ribcage. And it's really hard to stay on track with topic changes when I'm leaving the room every 5 minutes to whiz.

If you will just settle down for a few more hours I promise you can party all night in my belly. I will play fun hip-hop music when we get in the car and you can dance all the way home. I will even stop at McDonald's and treat you to a Shamrock Shake.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. These same tactics will still apply when you are older. Mommy will always try to bribe you with treats. I hope it works until you are 18.

Apparently, WE Are The Weenies.

I don't even know where to begin with the recap of last night's class. All I can tell you is that the next 4 Tuesday posts are going to be simply riotous.

We walked into a room of about 10 couples - none who actually looked like they even LIKED each other, let alone felt amorous enough toward one another to make a baby - and found a seat near the back/side of the classroom. The teacher, Madelyn, was a stout woman (sort of shaped like a Weeble Wobble) but seemed friendly enough.

For an icebreaker, we all went around the room and answered some questions like, "What are you most looking forward to about labor and birth?" and "What's your favorite thing about being pregnant?" etc. etc. The other couples mostly had serious answers like, "I'm most looking forward to holding my precious little one." and "The best thing about being pregnant is feeling the baby kick."

Joe and I, on the other hand, were having WAY more fun than those stick-in-the-muds. Our answers were, "I'm most looking forward to labor and delivery being OVER." and "The best thing about being pregnant is eating copious amounts of ice cream." Yeah, we were that couple.

Speaking of that couple, I pretty much was able to pinpoint that girl in class after about the 3rd question was asked. You know, the girl who sits in the front of the class, knows the answer to EVERY question (and makes it known by shooting her hand in the air at lightning speed) and just all around knows everything about babies? Yeah...I shall refer to her from here on out as Miss Priss. She was a hoot. (Oh, and her uncle also happens to be a board-certified pediatrician, so she can refer you to the best of the best...and can also recite "What To Expect When You're Expecting" from cover to cover. Just in case you were wondering.)

The class itself was slightly useless, slightly informative. Did you know that fluid travels to the baby via the umbilical cord at 4 mph? Me either. Yipes.

We watched a video tour of the hospital, and the narrator kept referring to the birthing room as "the unit." As you can imagine, Joe and I could barely get the "that's what she said" references muttered fast enough. So, instead of distracting the class, we turned it into a drinking game. Every time the narrator said "unit" we had to drink a sip of water. Let's just say that I peed no less than 5 times during the 3 hour class. UNIT. UNIT. UNIT. :)

The best part was at the close of class when Madelyn turned out the lights and asked us all to lay our blankets on the floor and grab our pillows. Ahhh yes. The moment we've all been waiting for: nap time. Unfortunately, it was not nap time, but breathing technique time instead. Joe sat on the floor and I leaned into him - both of our hands placed on my belly. Madelyn instructed us to "breathe deep breaths in and out...as if you were on a swing."

Well, something about laying on the floor in total silence breathing deeply in an intimate moment among perfect strangers must have tickled Joe the right way. He started giggling and could. not. stop. It was like that church laughter when you're trying to be so quiet but you are laughing so hard you can't breathe so you end up making more noise than if you would have just laughed out loud in the first place.

Well, much like the giggles in church, I caught on and started laughing. We were both giggling so hard that neither of us could breathe and I had tears rolling down my cheeks. As only my luck would have it, Miss Priss and her hubby were on the blanket right next to us and were NONE too pleased at our interruption of their chi. So I just laughed right out loud and said, "I want a new partner!" Fortunately, that broke the ice and everyone else started laughing, too. It was JUST as awkward and stupid for everyone else, they just needed someone else to do it first. I'm glad we could fill the need and be that couple. :)

Over the next three weeks, we will learn more about the actual birth process and infant care. Hopefully we can be a bit more, um, composed and refined next week. Probably not, though. It's how we roll.

OH! And, Happy Fat Toose-day! :) In lieu of a paczki (I'm not a fan of anything in the doughnut family) I had a slice of banana chocolate chip bread from Starbuckies this morning. It's simply scrumptious.

Lamaze Is For Weenies.

Not entirely true, I know...but I've always thought that "lamaze" was a weird word. It's embarrassing to admit, but I always think of LeVar Burton when I hear it. Yeah, the man who hosted Reading Rainbow for the better part of my childhood truly has nothing to do with labor breathing techniques, but it's just one of those odd connection things my brain does.

So I'm pretty sure when I'm huffing and puffing (in the nose, out the mouth) in a few weeks, a strange and horrifying image of LeVar Burton will be burned into my brain. Something to look forward to...

Anyway, instead of a strictly lamaze class, Joe and I are taking the "Childbirth Education" class offered by Beaumont. Of the laundry list of courses they gave us, it seemed to be the one that covered the broadest spectrum of information for pre-birth, birth, and post-birth. (Post-birth sounds stupid, but it was the only way I could think to describe it.)

According to the syllabus, we'll learn everything from what to do when I start getting contractions to how to change a diaper. I imagine Joe will break the diaper changing part down into a formal process complete with indentified owners, lean/best practices and flow charts.

For tonight's class (the first!) I've been instructed to bring a pillow and a yoga mat. Honestly, this could be more entertaining than a night at the theatre. I wish they also would have thrown in some silly miscellaneous items just for grins and giggles. "Please also bring a deck of cards, a kazoo and a cup of sugar." Stay tuned for ridiculous recaps!

Also, I haven't downloaded all the pictures from the shower yet, but I promise to have a post on it soon!!

Day Off!

Weeeeeeee! No work today!! :)

Since tomorrow is our baby shower, Joe and I decided to take today off. We're going to O-Hop for a scrumptious breakfast and then meeting the crew at church to help with decorating, cooking and the like. Mostly I will probably just sit on my big, fat red ones and order everyone around with my magic wand. Ohhhh lieslieslieslies...I will be as helpful as I'm allowed to be. But can I get a break to paint my nails?

I also remembered that I promised to post pictures of the a-freakin'-DORABLE sweater that Mark's mom made for WIP:

Everyone all together now, "Awwwwwwwww!" It's the "Ugly Duckling" sweater. I LOVE IT. It's so hard to believe that he'll fit into it someday, but I suppose the day he outgrows it will come sooner than I want, too.

Oh, and for all the Red Vines lovers out there, here is pictorial proof of the Costco purchase. I put my computer mouse in front of it for perspective on size. It has 300 pieces and weighs 5.5 lbs. I know...you're probably shocked that there's still any left, right? I do have some self control...

Back To The Beginning.

In one of my many deep-in-thought sessions on the toilet today, I realized that I have yet to formally blog the story of how I told Joe that his little swimmers won the gold.

Buckle in, kids. This is gonna be a long one.

Back in August I had 3 relatively back-to-back business trips. Before I left for the first one, I mentioned to Joe that I was having some wicked pre-period cramps that were so paralyzingly painful that I thought maybe I would die. Literally, it was like an army of little gnomes stomping their lawn aerating spike shoes all over my insides. He was initially worried there was something wrong...but then with a twinkle in his eye (and half-joking) said, "Or, maybe you're pregnant."

I mostly laughed it off because we weren't trying to get pregnant. Well, we weren't not trying, either. We were officially going to kick-off the "humping like rabbits" season after our first anniversary (2 weeks away at this point)...but at the time were not taking any measures to prevent pregnancy if you're picking up what I'm throwing down.

So off I jetted to Nashville, where I stayed for 3 days. I did the math on the plane and realized that the next day would mark the official "late" category for good ol' Aunt Flo. I'm not like clockwork or anything, but could just tell something was off with my body.

As soon as I landed, I hopped in my wicked cool rental Malibu and headed to my hotel...conveniently located next to a friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart...where they conveniently sell pregnancy tests. DETOUR! As I was walking in, I was thinking about how fun it would be to get off the plane and run slow motion into Joe's arms to tell him I was pregnant. Total movie scene, right?

Back to reality. So in I went to make my purchase. With red cheeks and as embarrassed as hell I scurried to the PG test aisle, grabbed the cheapest box of tests I could find (mistake #1), concealed it with a magazine and went to check out. What? No self-check outs? RIDIC! Now, I realize that it's totally retarded for me to be ashamed of buying pregnancy tests. After all, I am married, responsible and wanted a baby. But it's like publicly admitting that I've recently had sex. While some might find it awesome, I do not. I wanted to die. I am the same way buying condoms. It's so uncool.

With nary a sideways glance from the checkout lady, I went back to my hotel and read the instructions. It said the best results usually are after the "first morning pee," but I just couldn't wait. Plus, I had 2 tests. One for now. One for morning.

There's truly nothing like peeing on your first stick. I could barely breathe as I waited for the longest 3 minutes of my life to pass. So many things were going through my mind: how to tell family and friends, girl or boy, one or two?

My daydream ended when absolutely no sign of a line came up. Zilch. Nada. Not even a shadow. Knowing what I know now, I never should have even expected to see a line on the first official "late" day. But the e.p.t. commericals SAY, "even if you're just a little bit pregnant." Damn those cheap tests...and those stupid commercials!

I took the other test in the morning to the same results, stayed for my trip and jetted back home. I was still having the very, very, very painful cramping and Joe was getting more and more worried there was something wrong with me. (Besides the obvious crazy.)

I had 2 days at home before my next trip and was still very suspicious that I was PG. I was now staring right in the face of 4 days late - totally abnormal for me. So, while Joe was out mowing the lawn (summer how I miss thee) I casually announced I was going to run to the store to pick up some last-minute items for my next trip. He offered to go with me, but I said he could stay and finish the lawn...something I now know tipped him off a bit...we almost never go to the store alone.

I picked up the next round of tests with a bit more confidence. I stayed in the aisle a little longer to compare brands and bought the 4 pack of e.p.t. Ain't no cheap brand gonna lie to me this time! Then, in a moment of creativity, headed to the baby section to get something fun that said "Daddy" on it. If the tests were positive, I thought it would be a fun way to tell Joe. If not, I could stick it in a drawer and save it for when the time was right. I found a supercute little green bib that said "I (heart) Daddy." Perfect.

I got home and Joe was inside, so I shoved my bag into the bathroom closet and joined him on the couch. About 10 minutes later, he went outside to move the lawn sprinkler (seriously, summer...miss you so much!) and I thought, "This is my chance!"

I ran to the bathroom, tore open the box and whizzed like I've never whizzed before. Afterall, 'twas my 3rd stick - I was an old pro!

I didn't even have to wait 30 seconds for that line. It was like a double solid stripe of freakin' magentaburgundybrightasspink and was the most AWESOME thing I'd ever seen. I double, triple, quadruple checked the box to make sure I was reading it right and screamed like an idiot on the inside. Holy cow this is happening. This is real and it's happening right now.

Joe was still outside, so I grabbed the stick and the bib and shoved them under the couch cushions. Seriously, no time to come up with a movieworthy plan. Must. Tell. Him. Now. Or. Will. Burst.

It was probably only 30 seconds in real time, but he didn't come inside for what seemed like 4 days. So, I casually went out on the front porch and was like, "Hey, you comin' back in?" He did. Without question.

I had a speech planned. I was going to tell him how much I loved him and how amazing he was and all these bright and bubbly things about the future and all our dreams. Brainfart. Nothing. So instead, I reached under the couch cushions, grabbed the test and the bib and without a word, thrust them both into his chest.

He looked first at the test and thought it was negative. Still worried about the cramping, he said, "Oh, babe...we should make you a doctor appointment to see what's wrong."

I had the most ridiculous grin on my face and just shook my head and pointed to the bib. Yes, I pointed. I couldn't even speak. His eyes grew to the size of an orange and he just looked at me as I nodded furiously and kept stupidly smiling.

And then we laughed. And laughed. And laughed until we cried. We cried the happiest, craziest, holy-crap-we-did this tears that we will ever cry. It was the perfect moment and not even a word was spoken.

So while it wasn't the slow-motion movie scene I envisioned on the plane, it was more awesome than I ever could have planned.

And that, my friends, is how I told Joe I was pregnant.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Another week has passed us by! Well, I say that as if time has just been flying by...which is 50% lie, 50% truth. Shockingly, the days do fly by when I'm at work. It's the weekends and evenings that goooo sooooo sloooowwwwlly. Weird, right? At work, I'm always on the go and not really thinking about being pregnant, but at home I settle into my jammies and park myself on the couch, unable to move for hours on end. Le sigh.

Here's the bumpalicious:



"Congratulations, Kristi! You’re 31 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 18 inches long from head to toe and weighs about 3.5 pounds. Rather than hearing vibrations, his ears have matured enough so that he can hear distinct sounds, like familiar voices and music. Your uterus now fills a large part of your abdomen, and you've probably gained between 21 and 27 pounds. You're probably feeling increasing excitement and anxiousness about the birth -- it won't be long now."

I actually did have my first panic attack about the whole birthing process the other night. I'm probably the biggest wussie on the entire planet when pain is involved, and I just had this flash of lighting visual in my head - me sweating, screaming and pushing...**shivers down spine**. Our "Childhood Education" class starts next week, so hopefully some of my psychotic fears will be calmed. (Plus I'm sure they will provide many, many enjoyable blog posts.)

Joe's talking to my belly more now that he knows WIP can distinguish his voice. I'm sure he would like the world to know that he's being very manly and telling him stories of fishing, burping and scratching, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. He's a total softie. :)

Enjoy your Hump Day, y'all.

Uninspired.

Today I don't really have anything to write about. I'm feeling rather blah - nothing snarky or sarcastic to compose. Sorry.

Perhaps it's all the shiteous news that's going 'round the world? I consider myself an eternal optimist, but maybe it's finally hit me square in the nose. My child's future was just mortgaged by the leadership of this country, another round of cuts was just announced at work and it's supposed to snow this weekend. IknowIknowIknow I usually l-o-v-e the snow, but after that teaser of nice weather last week I'm sort of ready for spring. Plus, spring means WIP will be here sooner...

Seriously, I don't know how elephants do it.

Need A QTip?

Joe and I had quite the que romantico Valentine's Day. Started with a glorious sleep-in until 9. Then I cleaned the house while he hopped in and out of conference calls (boo). We had a muy delicioso lunch at Azteca, one of our fave local Mexican establishments and went shopping!

We were on the hunt for some very specific things, none of which we actually found. The last stop on our trip was Costco...where we managed to find everything we didn't need.

Seriously, why is it that you can't just run into Costco for one or two things? We had a list and didn't stick to it - something we're usually very good about doing. And it's such a ridiculous American thing, too. For instance, a lifetime supply of Drano on any other occasion would not be considered a good life choice, but amidst all the other crazies filling up their carts at warp speed, we somehow couldn't resist. I will never, ever run out of: dishwasher tabs, QTips, toothpaste, Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Red Vines, gum, granola bars or stamps. Technically the stamps were a smart buy - postage goes up May 11. Buy your forever stamps now!

Yet they still sell milk by the single gallon. I don't get it. Why is there not a 2 or 5 gallon option?

While we were there, we also made it a point to check out the diapers and wipes. Not bad. Not bad at all. They alone will probably make the cost of membership worth it in the years to come.

We picked up a pizza from the concession stand on the way out. OMG. They are the most delicious things on the face of the earth - and only $10! Yum, yum, yum. Highly recommended.

We rounded out the evening with a visit from Mark, a dear friend. His mom knit WIP the most adorable little sweater - I will post pics of it tomorrow!

Sweet 100!

Today is my 100th post! It falls on Friday the 13th, which I find to be just a tad bit creepy. I'm not a paraskevidekatriaphobic or anything, but still... (Google it.)

In honor of this day (and also because it is the day before Valentine's Day) I'm posting a photo (courtesy Trent's Pink is the New Blog and TMZ) of Octo-Mom a few days before birth:



LordHaveMercy. I know, right? Again little WIP, I would like to thank you for being just one tiny miracle. I love you so much and you and Daddy are my BEST Valentines. Smooches to the tum tum.

Welcome To My World.

So...I woke up yesterday morning to a delicious, delicious back rub. (Yes, I've said before how incredibly lucky I am and how awesome Joe is. It's fine. Be jealous.)

As I mumbled myself awake Jake made his way into the room. He's not allowed up on the bed, but he rests his front paws up there, keeping his back paws on the floor. (We have hardwood floors, so it's hilarious to watch him slip over and over...he'll never learn.) Anyway, Joe started petting Jake and telling him how lucky of a dog he is - because he gets to be WIP's first pet. I'd never actually thought about it much because I never had pets growing up...save my sister's goldfish and the occasional "weekend babysitting" of the school hamster. But I suppose it's a big deal in the pet world to be someone's "first."

Then Joe starts giggling and says, "WIP's porn name will be Jake Grinsell." (You know, the middle school game where you take your first pet's name and the street you grew up on...) He just couldn't get over how funny that was.

So, yes. Instead of wondering if our son will grow up to be an astrophysicist or find the cure for cancer, my husband figures out his porn star name. Nice, Joe. Nice.

Oh, and how timely is this article?

Attention!

All moms, moms-to-be, and/or anyone that might be buying something from Babies 'R Us in the near future...

Click here for some SWEET coupons!

Thanks, Beth!!

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Week 30!



"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 30 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 17 inches from head to toe and weighs about 3 pounds. Baby is growing plumper and beginning to control his own body temperature. Eyebrows and eyelashes are fully developed, and hair on the head is getting thicker. Head and body are now proportioned like a newborn's. Hands are now fully formed and fingernails are growing. Your uterus is about four inches above your navel, and it's hard to believe you still have about 10 weeks to go. You may be feeling more discomfort in your pelvis and abdomen now and you can expect to gain about a pound a week from now until delivery."

It's not hard to believe I have 10 weeks to go, but it is hard to believe he's 17 inches long. I know he's all squished up in there, but I put a piece of 13" x 17" paper across my belly yesterday and it's BIG! 17 inches is long (that's what she said) and it doesn't seem like he should fit. But I suppose that's why I'm feeling more and more movement - he's getting too big for his little house so getting comfy is harder, I guess.

I've actually really started to notice the pelvic (gross word) discomfort, seemingly more so when I'm walking. But I continue to be active so I can bounce back into shape a little quicker for that size 28 bridesmaid dress I'm wearing in August. :)

Do you SEE how far along the "Countdown to WIP" is at the bottom of the blog? It feels like just yesterday that it was alllllll the way to the left and I thought we would never even reach the halfway point...time flies when you're ginormous!

Dear Nail Technician...

When I came into your business establishment for a pedi and a lip wax tonight, that's all I wanted.

It is my prerogative as a paying customer to sit in your fancy massage chair and read ancient issues of "Vogue" without making small talk. I may even fall asleep if the spirit moves me. I can do that because my $30 (and your tip) depends on it.

So, when you are massaging my legs and look up over your face mask to tell me "you swollen," I might just get pissy with you. Did you NOT see my enormous stomach when I heave-hoed myself into said massage chair? I am very obviously pregnant. And totally aware of the side effects.

Back to the massage, please.

Priceline Whiz-in-ator.

Le sigh.

There are many things that I miss. I miss my non-PG clothes; I miss taking scalding hot bubble baths; I miss Diet Pepsi; I miss Starbucks; I miss getting up from a chair on the first try; I miss my sexy undergarments; I miss my little boobies (crazy, right?); I really miss margaritas; I miss eating Mexican food without wanting to rip out my innards.

But most of all, I miss infrequent trips to the bathroom. I've always had a small bladder, but abso-toote-ly nothing compares to the number of times I visit the loo on a daily basis now.

You might remember that I instituted a "no liquids after 8 pm" rule to avoid getting up 19 times in the middle of the night to whiz. Well, I had my last glass of H2O at about 7:30 last night and I still got up on 9 separate occasions. Not. Exaggerating.

So, new rule: no liquids after 7 pm. Let's see how it works.

Boobies 101.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. It's taking everything I have in me to type this post, but I must. It's too gross and funny not to.

Sooooo, I was at a super fun party on Saturday evening with some friends. As Joe and I were preparing to vamoose ('cause the pregnant girl is always the first to pull a Batman) the ladies and I started chatting it up about babies and all things baby-related. Note: I am the only PG one of the bunch...they all have children, mostly semi-grown...and by semi-grown I mean the average age is like 5.

Anyway, one of them asked me if I was going to try breastfeeding. My least favorite question, hands down. My standard response for every time I get asked this question is, "Well, I'm going to give it a whirl. If it works, it works. If not, that's why God invented Similac."

I swear I'm not bitter about it - I have just never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever had a woman share with me a life-changingly awesome story of breastfeeding. Sure, they all admit it's "best for baby" and "such a great way to connect with your baby" but ALL of them had problems and horror stories to boot. Even my own mother had the worst time...bleeding, cracking, etc.

So tell me again why this is supposed to sound appealing to me? Quite frankly, it doesn't. Like, at all. And, to add insult to injury, I HATE boobs. Like, they are so gross. Nipples, too. Ewwwwww. Almost can't even type that word.

Back to the story...as I was getting tips and tricks from the ladies regarding pumping (ew) and I reiterated to them how gross I think the whole idea/process is. Then, one went into detail about how when you are pumping (ew), your nipple (ew) gets all stretchy and you can watch it going "in and out" of the machine (OMG triple, quadruple ew).

I literally cannot stomach this.

Continuing on...I was sharing this story with Kelli (sister) on Sunday morning. She shares my general feelings about boobies so we were having a good laugh as I reenacted it to the best of my Tony-winning abilities and laughed about how weird "Milking Machines" are. Yes. She's 29 and refers to breast pumps as "milking machines." I adore her.

She goes on to tell me about these things called "Wet Nurses." OH. MY. SWEET. JESUS. Have you HEARD of these things? Apparently they are women who nurse OTHER PEOPLE'S BABIES. AAAAhhhhhhhhhhh. Thinking about it makes me vomit in my mouth a little.

And since I don't want to do that, you can read more about these women here. I have to stop typing about this before I hyperventilate.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day...Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day...

Genes Be Damned.

Soooo, I've been told by many of the women who share my genetic makeup that I am going to literally grow to the size of a house in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy. Assuming WIP arrives on his due date, my exponential expansion will begin March 25...exactly one week before April Fool's Day. Coincidence? Ithinknot.

Rewinding a bit more, that means I've got a little over 6 weeks to enjoy life as I know it--things like tying wearing my shoes, standing, sleeping, breathing...life's little extras.

I think I'll spend a portion of my weekend speedwalking the malls. You know, before Joe has to wheel me around in one of those mall carts with the big flagpole sticking out the side.

Snow White Can Bite Me.

I'm Grumpy the Dwarf today. I don't know why - I have absolutely no reason to be in a bad mood. I just am. I feel like I could burst into hysterical tears at any second or, as an alternate, tear through a cement wall with my bear hands while screaming at the top of my lungs in anger and frustration. Truly, there is no ryhme or reason for these feelings. I'll chalk it up to my first pregnancy-related emotional roller coaster. Not bad for 6.5 months into this, right?

So, I am dealing with it and moving on. I'm putting on my big girl britches. Yeah, the ones with the adjustable panels on the side to fit my Jupiter-sized arse. (Should have used Uranus there...) And if that's not bad enough, my britches are covered in fuzz from my sweater. No lint roller in sight, either.

To counteract my grumpiness, here's some happiness:


Isn't it the CUTEST! Total IKEA find...WIP's my little "Frog Prince."



The changer! It's obviously not in its final resting place, nor do I have the baskets for the shelf or cover for the pad...but it's something!



A friend/coworker (who had all boys) gave us all her old baby hangers! You know what that means...more shopping!!!



AAAHHH! Le crib! We finished it last night. (Well, I haven't actually washed any of the bedding yet...too excited to see what it looked like.) I still have to put the decorations on the wall and arrange everything how we want it. SO.EXCITING.

That's the end of the happiness train today. I might go home and go back to bed. Steer clear if you are in my general vicinity. You've been warned.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Oy...just one week shy of 30, and I'm so excited about it I could just pee myself. Well, let's be honest - that's something that's statistically very likely to happen, anyway.

Here's the bump-a-lump-a-deliciousness at Week 29. My bellybutton is thisclose to being totally flat. I swear it's like the 9th Wonder of the World. Seriously, my belly button was so deep pre-prego that it nearly touched my spine (Remember this post?). Pregnancy does fascinatingly disgusting things to the body, that's for sure!



Sorry it's kind of a crappy picture. I left the camera in the car last night and since it's balls cold here in Michigan it didn't have time to unfog before we had to leave for work. So, Joe's camera phone did the trick...sort of.

"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 29 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 10.4 inches from crown to rump, or a total length of about 16.7 inches from head to toe, and weighs about 2.7 pounds. At this stage a fetus' eyes are almost always blue and can distinguish bright sunlight or artificial light through the wall of the uterus. Baby is performing fewer acrobatics as conditions in the womb have become cramped now that he is getting bigger. Your uterus is about 3.5 to 4 inches above your navel. Weight gain is probably between 19 and 25 pounds. If born now, your baby could probably survive outside the womb -- although in a neonatal intensive-care unit. As your due date approaches, you may be feeling relieved and excited, or anxious about motherhood, your baby's health, and labor and delivery."

Eep! I'm certainly feeling all of those emotions, though I'm quite sure they forgot that I might also be feeling: as ginormous as a whale; as unbalanced as a Weeble Wooble; as thirsty as a camel; as hungry as Joey Chestnut (you know, that championship hot dog eater guy); and as forgetful as a...well, I forget.

Butbutbut there are some very happy emotions, too! We put together the crib and changing table on Super Bowl Sunday (yes, I have the most awesome hubby, ever) and I ordered the custom wall graphic for above WIP's crib. I simply cannot wait to get it all together - and promise to post more pics when the room is complete.

I'm also totally unstoppable at stores. Target's $1 section? Yeah, I own ALL the baby clothes/socks from that collection. I am also quite certain that I've purchased his entire winter wardrobe at no less than 80% off from all sorts of retailers. Mom on a mission for a bargain...that's me!

Delicious.

Just a quick note to let the world know that I can say with 99.9% confidence that WIP is a BIG fan of Cherry Coke and Chocolate Chip Cookies.

I may or may not be drinking a 24 oz. soda from Jimmy John's and may or may not have had a delicious treat from Chef Mark at Somerset Inn (specially delivered here to me...yeah, I'm that awesome) during my staff meeting.

And WIP may or may not be going absolutely ballistic right now.

Ouch.

I'm Sorry, Did You Say EIGHT?

Seriously.

I'm sure by now you have all heard about the woman in California who conceived (in vitro), carried and birthed (via cesarean) 8 children. Yes, eight.

I'm absolutely fascinated by this and secretly excited for the day she takes over the Jon & Kate Plus 8 airtime. (Don't get me wrong, I love those kiddos...specifically Aaden...but is it just me or is Kate extra beeyotchy these days?) Anyway, I was perusing the internets to find some more information about this crazy woman and was SHOCKED to learn the following:

• Nadya (babymomma to the octuplets) only knew about 7 of the babies. Little #8 was a delivery surprise!
• She is a divorced single parent.
• She also has three other sets of twins at home – all conceived by in-vitro fertilization using the same sperm donor.
• The grandmother to the children (Nadya's mom, Angela) insists that Nadya has an "obsession" with children. Having them, that is.
• Nadya has a degree in child and adolescent development from California State University, Fullerton, and has been studying for a master's degree in counseling. (And she CHOSE to have a billion children?!)
• Nadya had eight leftover frozen embryos from a previous in-vitro session and had them all implanted because she didn't want them destroyed. Later, when given the option to abort some of the resulting fetuses, she refused.

I cannot imagine what her life must be like. I get overwhelmed just thinking about Jon & Kate's trips to Costco...and this woman needs double what they do! Seriously, all the parenting logistics aside, how in the sam h-e-double-hockey-sticks does this woman afford to have that many kids? And what if all the twins were identical?? Now there's a parenting nightmare!

Dear WIP - Thank you for being just one. Love, Mom

Thump. Thump. Thump.

That has to be, hands-down, the best noise, ever. :)

I had a checkup this morning, and I'm pleased to report all is well. WIP's heartbeat was nice and strong... thumpthumpthumpthumpthump. My weight gain is still low (so unbelievable) and my thyroid and glucose levels are normal. The doc measured my belly and said I am spot on to what "I should be right now." He actually said I was a rather boring pregnancy...which is probably the ONLY time in my life I'll be ok with being boring.

And so, the doc and Joe shared fishing stories for the latter half of my appointment (I'm not kidding). And that's a wrap.

So, little WIPster...I am VERY glad you are healthy. You may keep kicking my arse from the inside, but take note that I will not tolerate it once you're out in the open. I have a strange feeling that you and the timeout rug will be good pals, mister.

Love,
Your Mom
(Hahaha - I think that's the first time I've used "your mom" NOT preceded by a "your mom" joke. Weird.)