Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Apparently, WE Are The Weenies.

I don't even know where to begin with the recap of last night's class. All I can tell you is that the next 4 Tuesday posts are going to be simply riotous.

We walked into a room of about 10 couples - none who actually looked like they even LIKED each other, let alone felt amorous enough toward one another to make a baby - and found a seat near the back/side of the classroom. The teacher, Madelyn, was a stout woman (sort of shaped like a Weeble Wobble) but seemed friendly enough.

For an icebreaker, we all went around the room and answered some questions like, "What are you most looking forward to about labor and birth?" and "What's your favorite thing about being pregnant?" etc. etc. The other couples mostly had serious answers like, "I'm most looking forward to holding my precious little one." and "The best thing about being pregnant is feeling the baby kick."

Joe and I, on the other hand, were having WAY more fun than those stick-in-the-muds. Our answers were, "I'm most looking forward to labor and delivery being OVER." and "The best thing about being pregnant is eating copious amounts of ice cream." Yeah, we were that couple.

Speaking of that couple, I pretty much was able to pinpoint that girl in class after about the 3rd question was asked. You know, the girl who sits in the front of the class, knows the answer to EVERY question (and makes it known by shooting her hand in the air at lightning speed) and just all around knows everything about babies? Yeah...I shall refer to her from here on out as Miss Priss. She was a hoot. (Oh, and her uncle also happens to be a board-certified pediatrician, so she can refer you to the best of the best...and can also recite "What To Expect When You're Expecting" from cover to cover. Just in case you were wondering.)

The class itself was slightly useless, slightly informative. Did you know that fluid travels to the baby via the umbilical cord at 4 mph? Me either. Yipes.

We watched a video tour of the hospital, and the narrator kept referring to the birthing room as "the unit." As you can imagine, Joe and I could barely get the "that's what she said" references muttered fast enough. So, instead of distracting the class, we turned it into a drinking game. Every time the narrator said "unit" we had to drink a sip of water. Let's just say that I peed no less than 5 times during the 3 hour class. UNIT. UNIT. UNIT. :)

The best part was at the close of class when Madelyn turned out the lights and asked us all to lay our blankets on the floor and grab our pillows. Ahhh yes. The moment we've all been waiting for: nap time. Unfortunately, it was not nap time, but breathing technique time instead. Joe sat on the floor and I leaned into him - both of our hands placed on my belly. Madelyn instructed us to "breathe deep breaths in and out...as if you were on a swing."

Well, something about laying on the floor in total silence breathing deeply in an intimate moment among perfect strangers must have tickled Joe the right way. He started giggling and could. not. stop. It was like that church laughter when you're trying to be so quiet but you are laughing so hard you can't breathe so you end up making more noise than if you would have just laughed out loud in the first place.

Well, much like the giggles in church, I caught on and started laughing. We were both giggling so hard that neither of us could breathe and I had tears rolling down my cheeks. As only my luck would have it, Miss Priss and her hubby were on the blanket right next to us and were NONE too pleased at our interruption of their chi. So I just laughed right out loud and said, "I want a new partner!" Fortunately, that broke the ice and everyone else started laughing, too. It was JUST as awkward and stupid for everyone else, they just needed someone else to do it first. I'm glad we could fill the need and be that couple. :)

Over the next three weeks, we will learn more about the actual birth process and infant care. Hopefully we can be a bit more, um, composed and refined next week. Probably not, though. It's how we roll.

OH! And, Happy Fat Toose-day! :) In lieu of a paczki (I'm not a fan of anything in the doughnut family) I had a slice of banana chocolate chip bread from Starbuckies this morning. It's simply scrumptious.


Miss. Pretty said...

oh.my.gosh. this post had me 'rolling'..

i'm not married nor preggos but I could definitely see myself and the bf acting like this hahaha. "I want a new partner"..too funny.

LovesTooSing said...

Your the couple that every1 else is jealous of haha. LOL my dad has been going on all day how its fat Tuesday and how he got, "pichkies" or something lol

Kelli said...

Oh how I wish I could have attended. SERIOUSLY wish I could have been there :)