The khaki one's connected to the....yellow one?

I often take to this blog to mock my Father--for whom I have great respect and admiration, mind you. He's just an easy target.

So imagine my gleeful delight when, on my last trip home, I found this little gem adhered to the dresser in what is now the guest room & formerly Kyle's room where he was fondly known to wipe his boogers on the wall as a youth. (Dad isn't my only target, people.)

Otherwise known as blog fodder GOLD, this is a real life "how to get dressed and match your clothes together" cheat sheet handwritten by my Mother for my 59 year old Father. I assure you this is all very real and I'm not making a minute of it up. My life practically writes itself.

My personal favorite is that between the two of them, they lovingly refer to it as his "Grammi-mals" sheet. Get it? Like Garanimals + Grammi (my Mom's Grandma name)? It's like they don't even need me for this stuff anymore.

The Grammi-mals paper literally lists all of his dress pants by color and the corresponding shade of shirts AND tie patterns that can and cannot be worn with each pant. If memory serves it also lists proper footwear and belt color, as well. I...I...I...I don't even know where else to go with this.

It is my new favorite of all time, and I have asked that it be willed to me upon their passing. Honestly, it's all I want.

Is bV going to be a girl? Or a boy? Or a shy baby?

Since the big day is fast approaching, I've put a poll on the right side of the blog to see what you people all think bV is going to be. Boy? Girl? Or no news?

If it helps, Joey thinks girl. My Dad is convinced it's a girl. And my best friend's Mom would probably bet a limb on it being a girl. So the odds are not in favor of a boy, but we all know Alex would REALLY love a little brother. And for what it's worth, my Dad was also 100% sure Alex was a girl. So there's that.

So, what do you think? Answer the poll to the right!

Hump day, bump day!

bV's the size of a mango!
At about 6.0 inches long and weighing in at about 8.5 ounces, he's getting there!

bV at 19 weeks:
- Developing a protective coating over his skin, called vernix caseosa. It's greasy and white and you may see some of it at birth.
- Working on his five senses. Nerve cells for his sense of taste, hearing, sight and smell are developing in his brain.
via thebump.com

Almost halfway there! Monday's the big gender reveal day, and we're so excited. That is also my first appointment with my new doctor, so I'm excited to get to know him on a more personal basis and learn when he schedules C-sections so my OCD can really kick into overdrive and I can start planning.

I also think that after this ultrasound I'll feel more comfortable starting to put the nursery together and really wrapping my head around the idea that we're having this baby. If I'm honest, I don't really think I've felt or believed much of this pregnancy for the last 19 weeks. Seeing bV again will definitely be another big milestone, and I can't wait!

Musicality.

I've shared here before that Alex is very musical. He can hear a song once and spit it back out word-for-word, note-for-note. "Home" by Philip Phillips has been appearing on our Pandora favorites quite a lot lately, and we find Alex humming or singing along to it a few times a day.

Here's a snippet of the chorus:

A few other current faves are his stellar dance moves to "Like the ceiling can't hold us" and if you ask him what he has in his pocket, he'll tell you "Twenty dollars in mah pocket....lookin' for a drummah" and then I die.

For my next trick...

Like most (all?) women, I have a love affair with purses. And shoes, but that's a story for another day. Today, we're talking purses.

I have my fair share of Vera Bradley prints, 1154 Lill creations, Target finds and Marshalls gems--and I like to switch it up often. Lately, I've been eyeing some handmade options on various etsy shops and other boutiques for a really different summer option...and then I stumbled across Better Life Bags.

The funny thing is, it's practically in my own backyard--HQed out of Hamtramck (pronounced Ham-tram-ick), Michigan. But the BETTER (get it?) thing is that Rebecca's business is built on something greater: a platform to help others.

From her website:

Since Better Life Bags started, I had been giving a percentage of the profits to low income entrepreneurs in developing countries through Kiva.org. I still plan on doing this in moderation. However, I also want to invest in the community God has placed us in currently. We moved to Detroit in April 2010 to invest in a small community here called Hamtramck. With 27 different languages spoken, a median income of $23,000, and housing values falling by 80% there is much need here.

We hire women who otherwise could not work to work for us. We pay them a living wage and watch them gain dignity, honor, and respect. Watch our video here. We also give 10% of our monthly GROSS income to low income entrepreneurs in developing countries through Kiva.org.

What makes this whole thing even BETTER is that her bags are beautiful - and totally custom - with leather (durable!) options. I'm rather loving the Beverly and the Molly.

I'd really love to stay and chat, but I've got a new bag to design. Have a great long weekend, loves!

Dear makers of maternity clothing.

STOP with the bows already. Just stop.

See also: try to manufacture and stock more 12s than 2s, please. The majority of women all over the world thank you in advance.

Hump day, bump day!

bV is the size of a sweet potato!
He's about 5.6 inches long and about 6.7 ounces now and he keeps on growing rapidly. (That's why you're probably feeling so hungry.) Preach it girl, preach.

bV at 18 weeks:
- Can you believe he's yawning, hiccuping, sucking and swallowing?
- And he's twisting, rolling, punching and kicking, too -- and he's big enough that you might be able to feel him doing it!
via thebump.com

I was photobombed today!

It's getting harder and harder to find a comfortable sleeping position cue the violins and I'm also finding a direct correlation in the amount of time I'm sitting as related to how long it takes me to lumber myself back to the standing position. As such, it's easier to just sit all the time and I welcome the servitude from Joey and Alex.

I fear the pregnancy feet swelling will soon return with abundance. Remember these puppies? The tragedy this time around is that it's summatime and Momma wants to wear flip flops. WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO BE PREGNANT IN THE HEAT OF SUMMER, ANYWAY?!?

Twelve days until the big gender reveal!

I have an erosion tarp for sale for $1.

I recently read a super funny post from Aliya at Double the Fun about checking in on your blog's keyword analytics. I don't do it on the regular, but it's always a hilarious exercise in futility when I do remember to do it and the things that come up are sometimes just plain ridiculous. Some of my personal favorites from my blog during the month of May are:

• bob's your uncle seinfeld (Come again? But a solid #1 search position on Google.)
• erosion tarps (Turns out, I'm #2 on Google for this.)
• gymnastics metaphor (Makes sense.)
• hump day bump day blog (Totally legit. No link needed. See also: I ranked higher than Urban Dictionary for 'hump day' so that's definitely a lifetime achievement.)
• kid peed pants (Well, sure.)

I suppose this all goes to prove that A) there's always a weirder Google search than whatever it is you're looking for and 2) it's interesting what people remember and then forget.

Weekend, in pictures.

 Lots o' snuggles with Momma.

 Sans-pants Saturday mornings--the best kind.

And fuzzy hair like Poppi.

Happy 1st birthday, Ben! #BensBash13

Checkin' under the hood in his fly new Jeep.

Hey, batta batta!

Note: This is thee greatest outdoor toy. Buy it.
Joey says it was invented by the smartest, laziest Dad, ever.

"Look, Mom. I'm a bug."

Ermahgerd he looks so much like Kyle.
IT'S IN THE LIPS, PEOPLE.

We planted flowers & he even got to pick out his very

own flower to plant.

Ice cream, naturally.

You might also notice he got a haircut at some point over the weekend.

We also made some deliciously poor life choices.

On being schooled by my 4 year old.

We play silly games in our house all the time. One of the most fun activities is when we try to "over silly" someone else's silly statement.

For instance, Alex will tell me that "A monkey wearing a hat is silly." I reply with, "A monkey wearing a hat with a mouse on top is sillier." You get the picture?

So on the way home from daycare the other day, Alex spotted a little house set far back in the woods that he hadn't ever noticed before. He laughed and said, "Mom, a house in the forest is silly."

I replied with, "What's sillier--a house in a forest or a house in the ocean?" Thinking to myself that a house in the ocean sounds so silly!

Without skipping a beat he retorted, "A house in the forest is sillier, Mom. Haven't you ever heard of a houseboat?"

Touche, kid. Touche.

Hump day, bump day!

bV is the size of an onion!
Baby continues to beef up. Now he's about 5.1 inches long and weighs about 5.9 ounces.

bV at 17 weeks:
- His rubbery cartilage is now turning to bone.
- And he's growing some meat on those bones -- putting on some fat.
- He's growing a stronger, thicker umbilical cord, too.
via thebump.com

I think the best part about today's post is that I had to look at last week to remember what week I am currently in. This either means it's going slowly or quickly. And quite frankly, that all depends on the day.

I also opted for clothing on this week. You're welcome. A) Because I was just too lazy to take off my shirt, and 2) so you could all see the gloriousness that are my giant boobies. Good grief, mamasita. Girls be all up in my face.

The nausea has pretty much slowed, thanks to the Zantac (not Xanax, Mom) and possibly just general feelings of betterness? Chickens are not being counted before they are hatched, as I'm pretty sure the chickens still hate me every evening at around 7 p.m.

Speaking of chickens and hatchings, we have these new little friends in the light fixture on our front porch. Alex loves them.

19 days until the big reveal--can't wait! Funny stories in posts to come about Alex's preference. Sneak peak: little boy does not want a sister.

Builder: Unknown.

Jane, our daycare provider, sent me this video in an email attachment. It's a quick watch--certainly worth 6 minutes of your time.

It's a very uplifting video and appropriate for this day, Mother's Day. And although I personally do not feel invisible in my life (I have great affirmation from a wonderful husband, an adorable son, and an incredible network of family and friends), the analogy is very fitting.

We are all building great cathedrals--maybe yours is in your work, or your family, or your craft or even your home. Mine is in all those things (and more), and every day it is my prayer that it's all done for a greater good--a Greater God--and not for my personal glory or credit. That's not what I'm here for. Are you?

"With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

I will be able to kick back eventually, kid.

I do believe bV just kicked me. Well, kicked me for the first time that I felt it.

It's a funny feeling, baby movement. Very hard to describe but it's not as adorable and precious as it sounds, I assure you. Rather alien-y, actually.

In unrelated news, funny story about my Mom: I've been having heartburn lately and started taking Dr. approved Zantac. Upon hearing this, my Mom fliiiiiiiiiiiiipppppped out. Flipped like a flipping flapjack.

SHE THOUGHT I SAID XANAX.

Nothing to see here, nothing to see here. Just whisking Mom off to a hearing appointment...

Hump day, bump day.

bV's the size of an avocado!
Now, he's about 4.6 inches long and weighs about 3.5 ounces, and he's big enough that your doctor may be able to hear his heartbeat.

bV at 16 weeks:
- He's listening to your voice, thanks to tiny bones forming in his ears.
- He's growing hair, lashes and eyebrows.
- And he's forming taste buds.

via thebump.com

An avocado you say? Well that's fairly ironic since if you were to merely suggest I look at an avocado, let alone eat it, I'd probably punch you in your kidney. Very few things sound edible, but I manage to snorf down the usual suspects of green grapes, Teddy Grahams, bananas, raisin toast and Munchies. bV and I have very eclectic tastes.

The same old song-and-dance of here-we-go-again nausea is still making a daily appearance from about 3 pm until bedtime, so we're making progress there. I'm also hurling significantly less, so that's something?

We've got about another 3.5 weeks until we find out bV's gender, and despite our rather lock-solid list containing only 1 boy and 1 girl name, we're starting to expand on that, too. Odds are fairly certain we'll revert to our original selections once push comes to shove--we're not really into change.

Oh, and before you ask, yes, I will be sharing those names in another post. I can't give you everything at once!

Evil is my middle name.

It might come as a surprise to some of you that Joey is real, real superstitious. Not about everything--it's mostly just sports related.

For instance, if the Tigers were on a winning streak during the World Series last year, he would have to wear the same shirt, sit in the same spot, eat the same food, etc. as he did in the previous winning game. No exceptions. Boy be crazy. 

At times, I use this to my very evil advantage. Like, he knows it's ridiculous but he HAS to do these things. So last night when the Ducks scored against the Wings, he turned off the TV in a huff and said, "They're gonna lose this one. I'm going to bed."

Seeing a GOLDEN opportunity to manipulate my superfan/superstitious husband, I said, "They WON'T lose if you spin around in a circle counterclockwise three times while tapping your nose and making honking noises like a goose."

The funny thing is, he knew it was ridiculous. But his inner OCD knew he HAD to do it, otherwise the Wings' impending loss was to fall squarely on his shoulders. He couldn't have that on his conscience.

I laughed the entire time. Wish I would've gotten it on camera.

And you know what? The Wings won in a stunning overtime. So tonight I'll get to see the goose honk circle dance allllll over again. This time? Cameras rolling.

On being 30, but more specifically why my skin can suck it.

If you recall, I had no fears about turning 30. There was no drama, no "woe is me," and in fact, I rather embraced it. I believe my mantra was, "30, I'm gonna rock the shit outta you."

And so I have. Thus far, 30 has been quite a ride and honestly no different from my 20s, save for oh, you know, having a toddler, a mortgage and being asleep in my very own bed at midnight. It's glorious, really.

The part that's not so glorious? My skin is having a mental breakdown. I know what you're thinking, and it has nothing to do with being pregnant, I promise.

Anyway, this 30 year old version of my largest organ (did you know that?) is very uncool. It's like my pores went though the opposite of the Honey I Shrunk The Kids machine and took over my T-Zone like ants on a Dum Dum sucker. Probably the gross ??Mystery?? flavor kind, too, just to make the analogy worse.

Anyway, everyone and their pet monkeys have been raving about those $90 million dollar facial dermabrasion scrubber treatment machines, so off I went to the world's greatest store, Target, to discover my solution.

Legit most of them are like $50+, and I'm not down with that. So when I saw the Neutrogena Wave for a mere $15 I was sold. Refill scrubber pads are about $6 a month if you use it once a day. My kinda price.

image target.com

I've been using le Wave religiously for 2 weeks now. If I'm super honest with you it's been sitting in my cabinet for about 5 months because I'm the perfect combination of lazy and unwilling to admit I have a problem. But nevertheless, I honestly can tell a difference in both the texture of my skin and the size of my pores after consistent use. So far, so good.

Neither Neutrogena or Target know I actually exist (except maybe my photo is up somewhere at Target HQ for being the world's greatest RedCard user?), so this is honest-to-Pete my own review. Sealed with a Kristi!

On why nurses need better gamefaces.

Disclaimer: this post is going to seem very doomy and gloomy as you read it, but it has a happy ending, I promise.

So we had our 15/16 week appointment today, which was both happy and sad because we knew we would get to hear the heartbeat again, but it was also my last appointment ever with my dear, dear Dr. Long before he takes his new job in the ghetto of Ohio.

Anywho, before the Dr. came in, the nurse did her jibbity-do, which involved blood pressure (perfect score, thank you), weight (nothing gained, thank you) and heart beat.

She couldn't find it.

She pushed and prodded and moved that little machine all over my belly as the look on her face grew more and more worried.

I'd seen that look before.

Twice, actually.

I nearly threw up.

She set the machine gently on the table and said she was going to get the Dr. for him to give it a go, and if not we'd go right in for an ultrasound.

As I promised in the opening line, this has a very happy ending and Dr. Long immediately found the heartbeat and all is well with bV. But those 10 minutes in the middle were just awful. This is why I think all nurses should take a course in Gameface101. I've seen all the looks--from all the nurses--and none have ever even remotely hidden it from me. For the sake of mothers and fathers everywhere whose bad news isn't actually bad news, let's make this a course in nursing school, shall we?

And then we concluded the final appointment I will ever have with one of the greatest Doctors I have ever met. I pushed him for a name as to which other Doc in the practice he would recommend, and as luck would have it I learned at one point or another, ALL the other Docs in the practice were once his very own residents. Which is wonderful, but I still wanted a name. So I asked him point blank, "If it was your daughter and you had to hand the scalpel to another Doctor in this practice, which one would it be?"

I was crying sobbing, so that probably helped me get my answer.

So, we move past today's appointment knowing that I'm in good hands and all is well with bV. June 3 is the next big date on our family calendar...will bV be a boy or a girl? We'll know then!

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of a navel orange!
The average fetus at 15 weeks weighs 2.5 ounces and measures 4 inches -- and his proportions are becoming even more normal, since his legs now outmeasure his arms.

bV at 15 weeks:
- You probably can't feel it yet, but he's squirming a ton!
- He might even be hiccuping in there.
- He's making lots of progress: his joints and limbs can all move now.
via thebump.com

Our next appointment is tomorrow morning, and then the appointment after THAT is when we find out if bV is a girl or a boy. (Squee!) Joey says girl. I say boy. We'll see! If memory serves, that's also the appointment where I have to drink an inordinate amount of water and then hold it as if I'm being waterboarded. All the perks of modern medicine and they still can't figure that one out? Go figs.

I won't even bore you with the I-still-feel-like-garbage-from-noon-until-midnight drama, because it is what it is. Everyone who said 14 weeks? Liars, the lot of you.

I've also started designing the nursery both in my head and on a Pinterest board. It will be a combo nursery/guest room so it's been fun finding things that make me swoon but also have an adult feel to them.

And for fun, here's a snuggly wuggly picture of both of my babies: