TOMORROW.

OMG. The day I thought would never, ever arrive is FINALLY HERE.

As the great Mary Katherine Gallagher would say, my feelings would best be expressed through a monologue of song sung by a magical (then) 2.5 year-old boy who's going to become a big brother...you know, TOMORROW. I feel how he does riiiiight about :48 into it. Fist pumps all day, yo.

SUPERSTAR!

Hump Day, Bump Day: THE GRAND FINALE.

bV is the size of a watermelon!
Baby keeps growing, despite being so crowded in there. She probably weighs around 6.2 to 9.2 pounds and measures about 18.9 to 20.9 inches.

bV at 39 weeks:
- She's probably able to flex her limbs now.
- Her brain is still rapidly developing -- she's getting smarter by the week!
- Her nails may extend past her fingertips.
via thebump.com

Bonus photo this week--me, giving her my "wtf" Mom face. Like, SERIOUSLY kid. You should be out by now. We've asked very nicely for the last week. I officially stop asking nicely on Friday, at which point you will be formally evicted.

We can't wait to meet you!!!

Hump Day, Bump Day.

bV is the size of a pumpkin! 
Baby is about 18.9 to 20.9 inches long and weighs about 6.2 to 9.2 pounds. Her head is now about the same circumference as her abdomen.

bV at 38 weeks:
- She may have about an inch or so of hair already.
- She's slowly shedding that white goo on her skin (called vernix caseosa) but you might see some of it at birth.
viathebump.com

Worst case scenario this is the second to last bump update you will ever have to read from me. Best case scenario, it's the last. Other than that, I have no new information for you. I'm still very large. I'm still very sore. I'm still very tired. I'm still very anxious. I'm just eating more cookies to deal with it all. Since I can't have tequila.

In case anyone wants to have pity on me, she kept me up ALL night last night with contractions. Which, for the record, I find to be TERRIBLY unfair. It seems that women who have scheduled C-Sections should not have to bear this sort of torture. And also for the record? Turns out Doctors don't think it's funny when you try to bribe them with Starbucks gift cards to move your C-Section date up a week. Or more. Whatever.

On why babies are the meanest.

Contractions all night on Friday.

But, you know, they were the "fake" ones. AS IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

Also my pelvis is pretty much shattered by now.

I pee more than might actually be humanly possible. Someone at a University should study me.

I'm starving 24/7. This is actually not much different when I''m not pregnant, so make the connection however you see fit.

Sleeping is a real pain in my ass.

C'mon, little girl. Let's do this.

In case you were wondering.

I know what your question is.

Please click here for your answer: HaveYouHadThatBabyYet.com

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of a winter melon! 
Yay! Baby has reached full term. She likely measures around 18.9 to 20.9 inches and weighs about 6.2 to 9.2 pounds. She's gaining about 1/2 ounce each day.

bV at 37 weeks: 
- She's practicing some skills: inhaling, exhaling, sucking, gripping and blinking.
- She's getting her first sticky poop (called meconium) ready for her first diaper.
via thebump.com

Fun Fact: I don't know what meconium looks and/or smells like, because I never actually changed a diaper in the hospital with Alex. Super Dad Joey was all over that. Also, I just realized that fact was not, in fact, "fun". It was actually rather gross.

Anyway, it's just a lot of hurry-up-and-wait around here. Alex wants his sister to be here every day, and the doctors actually seem shocked to still be seeing me in the office week after week. All the loose ends at work are more or less tied up, my bags are packed and her room is ready...so, we're ready when you are, little girl. Also? Please don't be 9.2 lbs. Love, Mom

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of a honeydew! 
She's still in the 17.2- to 18.7-inch and 4.2- to 5.8-pound range and continues to beef up.

bV at 36 weeks:
- She's getting closer and closer to being able to breathe on her own.
- Her skin is getting smooth and soft and her gums are rigid.
- Her liver and kidneys are in working order.
- Circulation and immune systems are basically good to go, too.
via thebump.com

Remember back when it seemed like Jessica Simpson was pregnant for 14,563.92 years? Yeah. I get it. So today you get her terribly unflattering picture instead of mine. Partially because I forgot to take mine, and mostly because I'm too lazy to do it now. Enjoy & you're welcome.

Also, today I made a hair appointment for October 8, knowing full well that I will be there. But secretly, I'm hoping not to be. I know with a scheduled C-Section that I'll just want everything to go delightfully & uneventfully according to plan, but I'm sooooooooo very, very over this whole thing that a part of me also hopes maybe she'll come early.

And in "I'm not totally sucking at this parenting thing" news, last night we asked Alex what the "best part" of Harper would be, and he told us her "smart brain." Turns out he's listening, after all.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of a coconut! 
She's about 17.2 to 18.7 inches. From here on out, she won't get much longer, but she's plumping up. She's now about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds, and she'll put on a pound or more of baby fat before birth.

bV at 35 weeks 
- Now, her hearing is fully developed, and she responds best to high-pitched noises.
- If it's a boy, his testes have probably fully descended.
via thebump.com

I find it odd that last week she was compared to a butternut squash and this week it's a coconut. I mean, isn't that a little backward in terms of both size and weight? Ahhh, well. Regardless she's growing and getting fruitier by the day.

I'm down to just 16 days of work left, which only gives me moderate panic attacks every 6-7 minutes. As much as I'm over being pregnant, I genuinely hope that Harper waits until her scheduled date to arrive. I had a week off planned before Alex (like I have with Harper) and Alex decided to come on that first day off - Monday. Even if Harper decides to give me just a few days to relax and enjoy my last days as a Momma of 1, I would be ever so appreciative.

Physically, I'm over it. I waddle better than Donald Duck himself and my pelvic area feels like a war zone with every step I take. So, you know, overall enjoyment. "Pregnancy is a real dream!" ...said no one, ever.

See also: ONE MONTH EXACTLY until little girl makes her arrival.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV's the size of a butternut squash! 
At less than two months to go, she weighs in at about 4.2 pounds to 5.8 pounds and measures about 17.2 to 18.7 inches.

bV at 34 weeks 
- She's recognizing and reacting to simple songs, if you're singing them. (If you're not, start! She may find them soothing after birth.)
- She's also urinating about a pint a day.
via thebump.com

I'm very, very, very, very ready for this child to be born. Five weeks seems like a suspiciously unreasonable amount of time left to wait, but I will try to practice patience and all that crap about it being a virtue. And the "At less than TWO months to go..." text from the bump is a little misleading. It's WAY less than two months. Way.

I have 21 days of work left (not that I'm counting), so it's kind of getting stressy and down to the wire to make sure everything is in place for my leave. I'm actually kind of excited that this time overlaps with the holidays--even though Harper will probably have us on her own little version of a schedule, it will be nice to be home and semi-relaxed over the winter. I see lots of fireside snuggles in my future.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV's the size of a durian!
She weighs about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds and measures about 17.2 to 18.7 inches. And she may grow up to a full inch this week -- amazing.

bV at 33 weeks 
- She's keeping her eyes open while awake.
- She's also starting to coordinate breathing with sucking and swallowing.
- Her bones are hardening.
- And she going through (more) major brain development -- that's one smart baby!
via thebump.com

A durian? I feel like that's a Star Nerd character, no? Anyway, I googled it and allegedly it's a real spiny and smelly fruit native to southeast Asia. So, you know, a perfect comparison to my baby.

We had another appointment this week and all is well in Harper Land. She's head down (not that it particularly matters in my case) and is very much an evening baby. Yesterday she was practicing her roundhouse kicks for me and putting on quite the show for her Daddy...and all he could do was laugh at me and my earthquake of a belly.

As far as preparedness, we're physically ready for her. She has food, (TONS of) clothing and (a SUPER cute) shelter. Mentally, I'm not so sure I'm there yet. I did a few loads of very pink laundry over the weekend and had like 12 panic attacks as I was folding it all. PINK. It's very weird and alien-like to me.

After my next appointment we start going weekly. YIPES! And then, it's only just a matter of time before she joins our family officially!

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of a cucumber! 
Your 15.2- to 16.7-inch, 2.5- to 3.8-pound baby continues to grow.

bV at 30 weeks
- Her skin is getting smoother.
- But her brain is getting wrinklier -- to make way for all that essential brain tissue.
- She's now strong enough to grasp a finger!
via thebump.com

**No bump picture today, because I honest to cheese forgot, and now I'm too lazy to take one.
So instead, here's a picture of a donut.**

EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME NOW: THIRTY WEEKS!! *clapclapclapclapclap* And while the pessimist in me pounds her head repeatedly against a brick wall because the converse is to see NINE more weeks left of being pregnant, I'll pause for a moment that I've survived 30.

Aaaaand, moment over.

I've officially started to put together my maternity leave plan for work and submitted all the pre-paperwork to the hospital. This is all getting very real...very fast. I think I've maybe just been in denial for 29 weeks? Regardless, sassy little Miss Harper will be here in 65 days. EEP!

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of an acorn squash!
Baby already measures about 15.2 to 16.7 inches long. Right now, she weighs about 2.5 to 3.8 pounds but she's still got a ways to go -- can you believe she'll triple in weight before birth? And I probably will too, for what it's worth.

bV at 29 weeks 
- She's getting a little cramped in there, since she's growing so fast. But you probably already realize that, since you're getting all those jabs and kicks. Amen, amen.
- She's growing white fat deposits under her skin, and her energy is surging because of it.
- Feel a subtle twitch? It might be baby hiccupping.
via thebump.com

Baby girl is ridin' high, and mercy me do I feel it. All last week I was in excruciating pain at the bottom of my ribcage because she was sitting/punching/eating/roundhouse kicking the nerves running along my floating ribs. Oh yes, and last week was also when we were on vacation. It was very magical. Anyway, she seems to have finally let go of whatever her beef was with my nervous system and all is currently well with what once felt like pure acid being poured upon my flesh.

In stark contrast, here's what I looked like at 29 weeks with Alex. See also: Harper's gotta be coming early. Right? RIGHT?!?

On general laziness and shopping problems.

My sister and her family are coming for a visit next weekend, and I had very, very good intentions on having Harper's room all set up so they could see it and generally "ooh" and "ahh" over all the things.

And then I remembered I would probably rather sleep and eat ice cream than set up a room that I legitimately have at least 2 more months to procrastinate over.

So I compromised with myself and put everything I'd been hoarding/buying/saving/planning that was scattered about the room and "organized" it in the closet, instead.

It's kind of the best of both worlds, because Kelli can still get a glimpse of all the things and I get two more months of procrastinating and ice cream eating and Joey gets 2 more months of figuring out how in the hell he's going to mount those giant yellow ceiling tiles on the wall. See? Everyone wins.

But the real winner in all this is Miss Harper, 'cause her room is totally going to be the jam. Here's a sneak peek at the collection currently stashed in the closet.

It's a dizzying and colorful spell of dots, flowers and chevrons and while sometimes I find myself blinking and confused that it's not all trucks and cars and planes, it is what it is: girly and fab. Joey opened the doors and I think he stopped breathing for 19 seconds, but that's fine.

Hump day, Bump day!

bV is the size of an eggplant! 
Putting on layers of fat, your baby now weighs in around 1.5 to 2.5 pounds and measures about 13.6 to 14.8 inches.

bV at 28 weekss
- She's starting to develop more fat, so her wrinkly skin will start to get smoother.
- Her lungs are mature enough that she'd probably survive if she was born now.
via thebump.com

And in addition to the lazy post-vacation backdated blog entry,  you get a vacation bump pic as proof that we did see the sun ONE time on vacation. More on that later.

Hump day, bump day!

bV's the size of a rutabaga! 
At 13.6 to 14.8 inches and 1.5 to 2.5 pounds, she's not just getting bigger, she's getting smarter.

bV at 27 weeks
- She's practicing inhaling and exhaling with her rapidly developing lungs.
- It's official: Baby's showing brain activity! And her brain will keep on getting more complex.
via thebump.com

I feel like thebump could have used a more pedestrian fruit or veggie to compare bV to this week, but whatevs. Honestly if we're being topical amongst friends, I probably should compare her to Slurpee or Frosty sizes. I'm suspecting she's at the medium to value size at the moment?

This week you get a straight up ghetto fab hotel bathroom pic because I left the house too early this morning to snap the usual bedroom pic. Offsite work meetings and such. However, Friday starts a week of lakeside vacation for this girl, so I'm very, very much looking forward to that!

Things to make you smile.

Aunt Jane shared today's artwork on her Facebook page and as I flipped through the photos I was tagged in, I nearly lost my beans. The theme of today was "How I See My Family" and I implore you to peep what's below and not die of cuteness overload:

Are you kidding me with the "Harper in Mommy's tummy" and "Harper when she is big"?!??! I know I have raging pregnant hormones running rampant throughout my irrational self, but I had real tears when I saw this. I love that even in his little 4 year old mind, he knows she's already a part of our family.

He kisses and hugs his sister every day, and sometimes when he's feeling extra generous, he will try to slip an extra piece of his candy or bite of his ice cream treats into my belly button to share with her. It kind of hurts my brain to even fathom what it will be like when she's actually here, but I know it will be incredibly special, and he'll be the best big brother in all the land.

Also, I like that he labeled her Harper and not Sheila. :)

Conversations I imagine Harper has with herself in utero.

"Hey, Mom! It's 2 a.m. I know you're sleeping but I'm sorta antsy. Let's go pee, mmmk?"

"Hey, Mom? I know those tacos look good, but please remember that if you eat them I'm going to light your ribcage on fire and make s'mores over the flames."

"Heyyyyy, Momma! I know Dad and Alex are eating all that yummy ice cream, but I think I don't want any right now. Let's have watermelon instead."

"Hey, Mom! It's 3 a.m. I know you're sleeping but I'm sorta antsy. Let's go pee, mmmk?"

"Yo, Mom! You have a pretty sweet shoe collection, and I can't wait to steal them all someday. In the meantime, let's just wear Crocs since that's all that fits. Sorry about your feet."

"Hey Mom. I know you're in the middle of a presentation at work but I'm sorta antsy. Let's go pee, mmmk?"

"Excuse me, Mother? I need a nap. NOW. I realize you have some things to do, but let's just nap."

"Hahaha, Mom. You didn't want to see your toes any time soon, did you? I be blockin' them."

"Hey Mom. It's 5 a.m. I know you're sleeping but I'm sorta antsy. Let's go pee, mmmk?"

Exactly 3 months from today...

Harper will be here!

I'm scheduled for my C-Section on October 18--bright 'n early. In some ways, 3 months feels like just enough time to get ready for her, and in other ways (you know, like all the normal ones) it feels like an eternity.

In related news, it's hot as balls in metro Detroit and I'm seconds from vaporizing into a pile of swollen cankles. Daily, I want to dump a Slurpee down my pants to cool off, but then I would be real sad about not being able to actually drink it, so instead I just sit and sweat. Literally.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV's the size of a head of lettuce! 
She's still growing in the 13.6- to 14.8-inch and 1.5- to 2.5-pound range, and developing her senses, features and talents!

bV at 26 weeks:
- Her eyes are forming, and her eyes will soon start to open. And her eyelashes are now grown, too.
- She's getting her immune system ready for life on the outside by soaking up your antibodies.
- She's taking breaths, too. They're of amniotic fluid, not air, but it's still good practice.
via thebump.com

Speaking of talents, I think Little Miss Harper has a future in gymnastics because MERCY this child likes to move around. I remember Alex's movements being so soft and "swimmy" - which I think really reflects on his real-life personality of being so gentle, thoughtful and deliberate. Harper? Let's just say I predict she's going to be a handful if her ninja kicks and 360° flips have anything to say about it.

And for your viewing pleasure today:

On why the Internet is the best.

As noted, Harper's name has nothing to do with the author of "To Kill A Mockingbird." However, on the slight chance she will inherit her Momma's love of  writing and reading words, I thought it might be a cool touch to find a really neat, old copy of the book to put somewhere in her nursery.

While perusing the aisles of resale book stores and library sales might seem very Belle-from-Beauty-&-the-Beast-gliding-across-the-big-screen-on-a-library-ladder-while-deep-in-song to some of you, to me it sounds hot, sweaty and smelly. And probably fruitless. So I turned to my old pal, ebay, who came through like a champ!

I know, right? It's so perfect & I love it.  Perhaps I can convince Joey to assemble the crib this weekend and I can start putting the room together. Because currently? It's a hot mess of Amazon boxes, Target bags and tubs o' clothing. But it's organized chaos, at least.