Life, death and woodchucks.

Lately, Alex has been VERY into questions and learning all about everything. It sounds super weird and morbid, but his latest fascination is death. Not particularly HOW people die (i.e. I'm not talking to my 5 year old about murder and guns and blood and gore), but what happens after you die "because you're old" ..and what it means to go to Heaven and to have your body die and be buried here on earth, but your spirit and soul in Heaven with Jesus. We covered a lot of that last week, talking specifically about his GG (which he can relate to and where most of the questions stem from because he knew his GG before he died--of old age--and understands his death and that GG is in Heaven but his body is buried on Earth in a cemetery).

Last night on the way home from daycare, he was very quiet. This is unusual, so I asked him, "Whatcha thinking about, bud?"

Right away, he responds with, "If GG's body is in the ground, but his Spirit is in Heaven with Jesus, how did it get there? How did they separate?"

Oh boy.

I know. He's five. FIVE. Being his Mom is hard sometimes because he thinks everything through. Thoroughly. Most kids would have been totally satisfied with the standard "body goes in the ground and spirit goes to Heaven" answer, but he has to know HOW that happens.

We spent the next few miles talking about that--him asking more questions and me giving the most honest, sensible answers that I could for his mind to grasp. I'm into reality as a parenting style. Judge away. He seemed completely satisfied with my answers, so I asked him one last time, "Bud, do you have any more questions for Mommy? I'll answer anything you want."

Giggling from the backseat, he asks...

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

And that, my friends, is how we do in the VeeDub household. Deep, meaningful conversations about the afterlife straight into silly, unanswerable tongue twisters.

But if you were curious, the answer is: about 700 pounds on a good day, with the wind at his back.

On the expression of emotions.

As I've mentioned before, 5 has been quite the ride. Alex is so much fun at this age--like an adult in mini-sized packaging. I can't tell you how many times I have those "don'tlaughdon'tlaughdon'tlaugh" Mom moments when he retorts something back at me that's SO funny, but as a parent it's just something I can't set the precedent of laughing at.

He's also been REALLY into writing lately, which I love. As you might recall, we put a whiteboard in his new bedroom and he loves to doodle on it and leave everyone notes and "signs." At least once a day he'll peer over the railing of the steps and holler down to Joe or me, "How do you spell ______?" I love his love of learning and expression and hope it continues!

A few Sundays ago, he was NOT into taking his nap, but we still made him have quiet time and rest in his room. He wanted us to know he was NOT happy about it, and left us this:

It made my day. Not because he was upset or sad, but because he was able to express himself and his emotions so clearly.

Later that day, he told me he was feeling happy again and asked me to come into his room for a surprise.

Oh how my heart soared. He didn't even ask me how to spell any of the words. I'm so, so, so proud of my boy. And it was mutual--he just beamed with pride when he opened the door to his room and said "See Mom? I wrote that I love you and Dad because I'm not sad anymore." And the teeth on the face? I can't.

Frosty the mouthpiece.

As a follow up to last year's Christmas hit by one Alex Joseph Van Wormer, "Feliz mommy-nah," I give to you our 2013 sensation, "Frosty the Snowman."

As a setup: The original "Happy Birthday!" cartoon aired on TV a few weekends ago, so we saved it to our DVR to watch for a family movie night closer to Christmas. Since then, we've watched it MAYBE four or five times.

He recited this to me in the car today, so I had to get it on camera once we got home. If you know the movie, it will get familiary very quickly. He's an amazing one man show.



For the record, I LOVE how he even uses Frosty's "accent" when he's doing the Frosty lines. "Let's make a paaahhh-tee out of it." And he just nails the "phew!" at the very beginning.

Merry Christmas!

Things to make you smile.

Aunt Jane shared today's artwork on her Facebook page and as I flipped through the photos I was tagged in, I nearly lost my beans. The theme of today was "How I See My Family" and I implore you to peep what's below and not die of cuteness overload:

Are you kidding me with the "Harper in Mommy's tummy" and "Harper when she is big"?!??! I know I have raging pregnant hormones running rampant throughout my irrational self, but I had real tears when I saw this. I love that even in his little 4 year old mind, he knows she's already a part of our family.

He kisses and hugs his sister every day, and sometimes when he's feeling extra generous, he will try to slip an extra piece of his candy or bite of his ice cream treats into my belly button to share with her. It kind of hurts my brain to even fathom what it will be like when she's actually here, but I know it will be incredibly special, and he'll be the best big brother in all the land.

Also, I like that he labeled her Harper and not Sheila. :)

On being schooled by my 4 year old.

We play silly games in our house all the time. One of the most fun activities is when we try to "over silly" someone else's silly statement.

For instance, Alex will tell me that "A monkey wearing a hat is silly." I reply with, "A monkey wearing a hat with a mouse on top is sillier." You get the picture?

So on the way home from daycare the other day, Alex spotted a little house set far back in the woods that he hadn't ever noticed before. He laughed and said, "Mom, a house in the forest is silly."

I replied with, "What's sillier--a house in a forest or a house in the ocean?" Thinking to myself that a house in the ocean sounds so silly!

Without skipping a beat he retorted, "A house in the forest is sillier, Mom. Haven't you ever heard of a houseboat?"

Touche, kid. Touche.

Story time.

Works of art.

"This one is Mommy."

"This is Uncle Kyle on his tractor. His tractor is bigger than Poppi's."

"This is Poppi with his snowblower. I made him a chute and a handle!"

"I drew hearts for Grammi. She's my lovebug."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

And happy 2nd birthday to our dear, sweet Samuel! I can't believe you are TWO!

Zzzzzz.

Alex has recently become very self aware of conversations he doesn't want to be a part of for various reasons: boredom, confusion, angst, avoidance, etc.

For example, whenever he has to go in time out, he always has to apologize, tell me WHY he had to go in time out, and then give me a hug and kiss. The other day, he didn't really want to tell me why he went into time out...partially because he probably felt justice was not being served and also he didn't want to admit what he did was wrong. Here's how that went:

Me: Alex, time out is done. Come over and tell Mommy why you were in time out and we'll hug it out.
Alex: Ok, Mommy. ::walks over to me::
Me: Your turn, kiddo. Why did you have to go in time out?
Alex ::no answer::
Me: Buddy? Why did you have to have a time out?
Alex: ::drops his head, pretends to snore and sleep::

As you run this scenario through your noggin, please also imagine how extremely difficult it was for me to keep a straight face and be the "good mom" in this scenario. Now, throw that out the window because let's be real: I laughed until it hurt. And then, in turn, HE had a captive audience and knew his behavior was funny.

So now it's a thing in our house. Joey starts droning on about fishing and I drop my head and start to snore. I start talking about the latest news from TMZ and both boys do the same.

For the record? I tried it at work today and it was not met with the same level of humor.

That will be all.

Because this is all you need to be happy in life today.

Snuggling is my most favoritest.

I love sleeping in. I love snuggling. Mostly, I adore lazy Saturday mornings spent in bed doing absotootely nothing. We do this a lot at our house.

Lucky for me, Alex also has this gene. He's the best sleeper--in bed by 7:30 pm and we usually have to wake him around 7 am. Joey, sadly, does not have this gene. Man can't sleep in to save his soul. More on that later.


Anyway, I hit the jackpot in that Alex loves to snuggle. He'll often ask in the middle of the day to snuggle or have me wrap him up "like a baby burrito" and just hold him. It's like drugs for Moms, I tell you.

Through all this snuggling, he's never really gotten attached to any sort of stuffed animal, but has taken a recent and adorable shining to MY childhood teddy bear, Mr. Snuggles. This bear has seen the world--from Thailand to summer camps--and now is enjoying the view from a certain 3-year-old's crib. Yes, he's still in his crib. I'm holding on as long as possible. Don't judge.

In the next issue of "Why My Kid's Awesome And I'm Not Sure What I Did To Deserve It," we shall discuss how the little man has basically potty trained himself. Yep. You read that correctly.

Applause. More applause. Curtain call.

Some of you may or may not know that I have a bit of a theatrical past. The "theater bug" bit me when I was about 14--and I think I did well over 20 shows from that time until my freshman year in college. I've played many roles--from Cinderella to Grace Farrell to Dorothy to Tzeitel to Chava. Yeah, did that one twice. Every single show made a huge impact in my life, and nearly all of the friends I made along the way are still a very important and meaningful part of my life.

I try to make music an important part of Alex's life, too. We sing a lot of show tunes, nursery rhymes and silly songs that we make up as we go. Lately, we've been loving a lot on "Annie." Specifically, "Tomorrow."

Please sit down and turn on your pacemaker, because this is heart stopping cuteness. Also, ignore the first 30 seconds when he's trying to find his nipples (he got curious about what those were the other day, so I had to impart some honest Mom knowledge - a hilarious and awkward post for tomorrow perhaps) but stick around until the end when he really gets into it. I was clapping. I was crying. I was throwing roses at the stage. He's so my kid.

Honey, I'm home!

While I have many photos and delightful stories of sun and fun to share (teaser: a Canadian band of crazies that we met in the hot tub is going to write and record a song about me and Joey!), I must first tell you the tale of a smart and funny 2 year old who lives in my home and answers to "Alex."

The setting: We're driving home from daycare Monday night. Alex is in the back seat, along with my laptop bag, purse and a giant, empty Huggies wipes cardboard shipping box. Joey and I are chatting, probably about dinner or having the shakes from our general lack of alcohol since our return to the States.

Overheard from the pipsqueak in the back seat: "H...W...G...G...I...E...S...spells BOX!"

I turn around, wondering what is going on and ask, "What spells 'box,' Alex?"

Again, he says (pointing to each of the letters on the box as he "reads" them), "H...W...G...G...I...E...S!"

It is at this point I realize he's spelling "Huggies" (with a little confusion on the U) and because it's ON a box, that's what he thinks it spells. I, of course, explode in uncontrollable proud Mom applause and cheer, and he just looks at me like, "Duh, Mom."

Naturally, his new favorite game is "What spells?" So now, every time he hears a new word or sees a new thing, he wants to know how to spell it, and asks, "Mom, what spells (insert word in question here)?" And secretly? I love it. Because it gives me a chance to redeem myself for the 5th grade spelling bee I embarrassingly lost to a nerd with a bowl cut named Matt VanDerWende because I accidentally and all-too-quickly spelled "tread" as "tred" because secretly I was in love with Matt and was distracted by his blindingly golden locks in such a perfectly round shape and his penchant for peeing his pants. To say I've come a long way is a understatement.

So, Alex? We will spell until we've spelled every word in the books. I solemnly promise this to your 5th grade self. And I also promise no bowl cuts.

That happened.

Apologies to those who are a Facebook friend and are reading this twice, but I wanted to make sure it was documented on le blog as a milestone. And also, I wanted my Mom to know and it's too long to text and she will likely be the second-to-last human being (next to my Dad) to join Facebook.

Anyway, today was "Bring something that starts with the letter D" day at daycare. We talked all last night about what he wanted to bring and settled on the dinosaur and the dump truck. Obviously.

Much to my surprise, when he woke up this morning the little squirt had a different plan. He bounced over to me, chipper as a lark and asked, "Kristi, we go to the donut store?"

Here's what is AWESOME about the above. One: He called me Kristi. I love it. Two: He KNEW that donut started with a "d." And C: He wanted donuts.

He is so his father's child.

Obligatory cuteness.

Riding the dinosaurs with Aunt Jill at "Poppi's car-ni-bal."

Riding a firetruck with his pal, Ernie @ BRU.

And my favorite story of the week: we were riding in the car and had the A/C on. Alex said he was cold, so Joey turned around to cover him up. The only thing back there was my denim jacket circa 1992, so he threw it over Alex's lap in a pinch. Alex was silent for about 30 seconds, and then said, "Daddy, it's a pants blanket!" Gosh he is so funny.

Why dinner at our house rules.

Alex's mealtime prayer, courtesy of Aunt Jane's Daycare.



Thank you God for the food we eat.
Thank you God for everything!
God bless America and all the children in the world.
Amen. (Yaaaaaaaaaay!)

Toddler, unattended.

Alex is getting more and more independent. And as all good (read: lazy) parents do, we're getting a little lax in our parenting skills and allowing him to do more things on his own. You know, like driving, baking and swimming.

I kid. I kid.

But really, the kid loves to do things himself. Lately, he's been wanting to brush his teeth solo. So, we let him. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of putting it away just yet, though...

Two is too much fun.

It's been awhile since a post has been 100% devoted to my little squirt, so here goes.

He had his 2 year well visit a few weeks ago and is still very long and lean (not sure where he gets it, but encouraging him to ride that wave as long as possible). He just moved into size 4 Pampers and despite the fact that he looks like he's waiting for Noah, 18 month clothes. Thank you summer, for finally arriving. Shorts=best ever for skinny minny. He's my little bigfoot, wearing a size 6 shoe...and I might have shed a few tears last night when I packed away all his size 4 and 5 shoes. All 23 of them. Yes, I have a problem.

Two Years - 28 lbs. 13 oz. (50%ile); 34.75 in. long (75%ile); 49.8 cm. head (25/50%ile)
18 Months - 22 lbs. 14 oz. (10/25th %ile); 32.75 in. long (50/75th %ile);  48 cm. head (50/75th %ile)

In other news, he's seriously the funniest person I know. He loves music, Little Einsteins, Thomas and Special Agent Oso and will tour our house for hours on his knees with anything on wheels. He loves, loves, loves to be outside and would swim all day if we would let him (more on that tomorrow). Giving credit to our amazing daycare provider, Aunt Jane, he can count to 30, knows all his letters, spells his name, talks about the weather, asks/answers questions and knows animals, colors, sounds and shapes. Just a few nights ago, we were walking to the park and he said, "Mommy, I see it!" and I said, "What do you see, Alex?" He points to a flipping stop sign and says, "Octagon, Mommy! Red means stop." And then I died, obviously.

His goodnight prayers are far and away my favorite part of the day. We do "Now I lay me down to sleep..." and at the very end before we say "Amen" he lists all the things he wants God to bless. It usually goes something like, "God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Grammi, and Poppi, and Un-ca Ky-a, and Aunt Chill, and Aunt Kewwi, and Uncle Day-pid, and baby Sam-e-oh, and Nana, and Papa John, and Jake, and fishies, and take a bath, and binky, and Mommy, and Daddy...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand twucks." Always with the trucks. And always, always last...after a long (and often repetitive) list.

As previously mentioned, he's an absolute ham. He loves to play "Knock knock, who's there?" (most especially when I'm in the loo) and will all but make out with himself whenever he sees himself in any reflective surface. He gets that from his Dad. True to his vanity, he also loves to have his "pit-cher" taken. Here's a sampling of his "cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese" faces:

I know. I can't even stand his cuteness. It punches you in the face like a hot pepper hidden in a Chipotle chicken salad. SO DELICIOUS BUT YOU JUST CAN'T STOP.

And there you have it.

Life as I will forever know it.

On this, the first day of May, as I sit in the basement with two boys - one glued to the Red Wings game and the other rapidfiring holes through the knees of his jammies in what is quite possibly his 90th lap around the couch with his "fiohtwuck" - I'm reminded that my life is full of smelly boys. (But I love it, remember?)

Anyway, here's the knowledge his Dad is imparting on him at a mere two years of age. Note he's not differentiating the art of wedge vs. pump. Le sigh...

I'm also realizing that I've posted more videos on le blog in the last few weeks than I have...well...ever. That's mostly because I'm trying to get more use out of my Flip camera (which I love and is also, sadly, never being sold again. So get yours now for like 5 pennies at Target while you still can). Oh, and also because most every picture I have is blurry because Captain Movesalot's current record of sitting still is at a whopping .7 seconds. Cheerio!

Vlog it like you stole it.

Days of the week with a mouthful o' cookies. Because obviously, cookies are a priority.



Counting to 26...more or less. Fingers can be distracting.



Animal noises. Clearly, we love monkeys.

I think the Matchbox cars hump like rabbits and multiply while I sleep.

Toys. They are EVERYWHERE in our house. And when I say everywhere, I do mean everywhere.

The dirty laundry basket? Found a Lego train in there yesterday.

The lower kitchen cabinet where we keep Alex-friendly items? Found a sock in there the other day.

My shoes left by the front door? Found a piece of train track as I was leaving the house at 7 am today. (Ouch.)

I've got all the organizer bins, the baskets, the bookshelves... everything that (in theory) should keep our life in order. Alex just moves a little faster than we're able to keep up.

And even though I mutter every curse word under the sun when I step barefoot on a Matchbox car as I'm stumbling to the loo at 3 am, it brings a little smile to my face knowing that Alex is likely smart enough to realize what he's doing.

"Yeah, Mom. Remember that timeout you put me in today? Enjoy this little present tonight..."

**places Matchbox car in hallway and giggles as he squeals off to color on the walls**

Touche, kid. Touche.