Dear makers of maternity clothing.

STOP with the bows already. Just stop.

See also: try to manufacture and stock more 12s than 2s, please. The majority of women all over the world thank you in advance.

Look ma, I'm human!

On Sunday for Alex's party, I thought it best to not wear my uniform of late (see also: sweats, tshirts, hoodies) and put on some decent clothings and do something with my hair other than a ponytail.

Lo and behold, it's me 'n 'da bump:



Hair: courtesy of my new clampless curling iron. Tricky to use, but once you master it, it's great!

Sweater: Target

Shirt: Kohls, maternity

Bracelet: my grandmother's

Necklace: Purchased in NOLA with my bff, Cait

It's amazing what a little lipgloss and grown up clothes can do for the mood. Despite still feeling like garbage, I also felt a little human.

Is It Just Me...

...or are all of the most disgusting words in the English language associated with pregnancy? This is probably a little bit of a TMI post, but I think it's necessary to get it out in the open.

Think about it: ovary, fundal/fundus, uterus, discharge, cervix, placenta, sperm, vagina, mucous, fetus...I could literally go for days. They're just gross words. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Speaking of things I think are gross, a friend recently shared this article on breastfeeding with me. It's a little long, but totally worth the read. One of my faves so far.

In related news, and forgive me if I've already blogged about any of this...I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning, but we are totally, 100% ready for WIP. I packed my bags for the hospital, so that milestone is behind me. All of WIP's clothes, bedding and blankets are washed and ready for him. Joey spent the weekend refinishing the tub/shower so we can play with him for hours in the bathtub. The carseat bases are installed. We bought batteries for all the crazy baby things that require them. (Rechargeable, nonetheless. You're welcome, Earth.) I mailed in my pre-registration forms for the hospital. I have all the necessary *cough*breastfeeding*cough* accoutrements. And, above all, I'm most happy to report that we visited Pediatrician candidate #4 last night and are SO happy with him/the practice. Winner, winner, chicken dinner, indeed.

So now we just wait. Hopefully, not too long!

Oh No She Didn't.

Today I went Mom2Momming with Keliann and Emily. 'Twas a 70+ table sale with no strollers allowed before 11 am. (Woot!) And how excited was I when I found THE table - perhaps even the table to end all tables? Very. The mom manning said table had (at least) a 3 carat rock on her hand and justsohappened to have all boy stuff! Polo, Tommy, you name it...she had it. And, it seemed that all the sizes were in the right season. JACKPOT!

After the M2M extravaganza (where we were all very, very successful), we grabbed lunch and continued on a quest to get me some nursing bras.

STOP READING NOW IF YOU ARE MALE AND RELATED TO ME, OR DISGUSTED BY TMI OF BOOBAGE, IN GENERAL.

I continue...

To set the stage, we were at Motherhood at Lakeside Mall. After being enthusiastically stalked by a staff of far too upbeat sales associates, we managed to sneak into a dressing room to try on the goods. I knew I wanted a sleeping bra, a few tanks and 1 "real" bra...you know, for those rare occasions where I will exit the home premises and don some non-100% cotton clothing for a social evening out on the town.

I managed to find 2 "real" bras, 1 sleeping bra and 2 tanks that I was relatively happy with. And BONUS! The sleeping bra that felt most comfortable to me just so happened to be a size SMALL. A SMALL!!! The last time I even looked at anything in a size small was...gosh, I can't even remember.

Off we trotted to the checkout, where we were once again greeted by an overwhelmingly cheerful sales associate.

No, I'm not interested in your credit card college savings program. No, I don't want to subscribe to Grandparents' Magazine. No, I'm not interested in ANY of the "free" crap you are offering me. Just freakin' ring my stuff up so I can take my non-returnable, non-refundable items that I wish were from Victoria's Secret instead of this crappy store and get the eff out of here.

After offering me everything but the kitchen sink, she finally got around to ringing up my actual purchases. Here's the part where she almost dies...

"M'am, are you sure that you want to buy the sleeping bra in the small?"

"Yes, I am sure." Why in the hell would I have put it on the counter if I wasn't?

"Well, I think you should reconsider the medium because your boobs will increase an entire cup size once your milk comes in." Gives me judging glance as if to say, "You're seriously not a small, lady."

"The small was comfortable. I will get the one I gave you, thank you."

She goes on to tell me with a smile about how awful breastfeeding is because you've got "milk squirtin' all over the place" and how "it just hurts" and she was "so glad she never had to do it again" and on and on and on and on...

Seriously lady? How did you get this job?

I could have strangled her. But I didn't.

I signed my receipt, grabbed my overpriced, non-refundable, non-returnable size SMALL bra and hightailed it on out of there.

I think in the world of friendliness, I'm really gaining ground, don't you?

Sherman Klump, Party Of One?

Today we're going to talk about my feet...well, at least what's left of my feet.

The latest pregnancy ailment is swelling. And not just any swelling, people. We're talking full-on, balloon-in-my-foot, look-like-Professor-Klump-from-the-Nutty-Professor, fatty-fatness-in-the-feet swelling. It's more prevalent on the left side (as in, it goes pretty much all the way up to my knee) but definitely omnipresent in both hemispheres of my bod.

It's entertaining (to say the least) to squish it around, look in the mirror and make fun of myself. But somewhere, deep deep down in my very vain soul, it's borderline depressing. While I often joke about my ginormousness, it's something that on any given day can actually be something very emotional. I miss my body - my normally functioning, decently sized, properly proportioned body.

This week has been full of body milestones. My favorite maternity jeans are too small, another pair of maternity jeans that I could once fit 2 of me in now fit nicely, I found some very unwelcome stretch marks on the underside of my tum tum and now my feet and hands are swelling like one of those "Grow A Boyfriend" capsules.

These and other symptoms are all unfriendly little reminders that the end is, indeed, in sight. But knowing that my little WIP will be here very soon makes it a little easier to embrace and accept all these crazy changes.

And, if I get a pedicure any time soon I promise to post pics of my feet so you all can have a laugh at my expense. :)

Confession.

Soooooooooooooooo...I have a teeny, weeny confession: I got a new pair of jeans.

And another confession: I'm a hypocrite.

You see, Joe wanted to buy me a new pair of jeans for my birthday, since my sole pair of prego jeans were, well, atrocious...and I can no longer get away with the pre-prego jeans + Bellaband combo.

So, off we trotted to Somerset, where we visited my new fave find, the Motherhood + Mimi Maternity store. You may remember a previous post where I talked about how the back half of the store is (cheaper) Motherhood and the front is (more expensive) Mimi. And mayyyyybe I was a bit, um, vocal about the comparison of prices in the front vs. the back of the store?

Well, I grabbed a few pair of jeans from the BACK of the store and (of course) little miss friendly store clerk threw some additional options over the curtain for me to try on. And, as luck would have it, one of the three that she threw over fit me perfectly. They were MADE for me. Lean legs? Check. Good length? Check. Awesome looking booty? DOUBLE Check. (Or, at least the illusion of all the above.)

They were perfect...until I looked at the price tag. She clearly retrieved them from the FRONT of the store. I won't even tell you how much they were, but to the fashionistas of the blogosphere: know that they are mavi, and priced accordingly. And they are amazing. And my husband bought them for me.

To appease my guilty conscience, I've since bid on 3 pair on ebay. :) Brills!

Finally!

Woo hoo! It's FRIDAY! :)

I am super, super, super, super, super excited about this weekend. WE ARE GOING TO SEE WICKED TOMORROW!!!! You see, this is a show I have been d.y.i.n.g. to see since it first appeared on Broadway. Practically everyone I know (and am related to) has seen it...some twice! I love the music and (shockingly) have most of the lyrics memorized. I CAN'T WAIT! The tickets were an anniversary present from Joe back in August, so I've been waiting (im)patiently for 3 1/2 months! (No, I don't suck at math. Our anniversary is the very end of August.)

The two dresses I blogged about here are my options to wear. I like the black one because I can wear my red hooker shoes and really rock the look - you know, be a hot mom. But, the polka dot one is really cute...to be cute? or a hooker? That is the question.

In shopping news, I'm totally ready for Christmas. All presents are wrapped and underneath the tree! Now, if only the Christmas cards would address themselves...

Pregnant Women Like to Shop, Too!

As if!

I'm pretty sure that 92.367% of my readers aren't pregnant women, but for the 7.633% that might be, I thought I would share a few of my best finds. These aren't necessarily deals (though I encourage you to find coupons - I rarely shop without them!) but they are priced right and you're guaranteed to get the most bang for your buck.

The basics:
Tank tops/camis. H&M's "long" variety are are GREAT! Not only are they long enough to cover the tum-tum, they are priced right at about $8 each - and you can wear them all the time! (Mine are actually from my pre-prego days.)

Underros. For some reason both Joe and I both get the Victoria's Secret "Free Panty + $10 off any bra" coupons in the mail from time to time. I've started using them to get low rise bikinis in a size larger than I normally wear. Stocking up slowly on these bad boys...and for free!

Sweatpants. Steal them from your husband. If he complains, use the "But I'm preeeeeegnannnnnnnnt" excuse. Works like a charm. Also see if you can scam a footrub while you're at it.

Pants:
Jeans. I can actually still rock my regular jeans with the BellaBand, but am getting closer to busting out my prego jeans. I have a full-panel pair from Old Navy and a wide-band pair from Motherhood...both were priced around $30 and are actually really, really cute. I'm not a fan of the way Target's jeans fit. They are really narrow at the ankle...which my cankles are NOT cool with!

Dress Pants. Since I have to dress up every day for work, dress pants were actually the first investment I made. Target's UTB (Under-The-Belly) dress pants come in grey, black and brown and are uber comfy. They have side elastic bands that you can adjust as you get bigger. I'm currently on button #3. :) The price isn't bad, either - especially if you work out the "spend $50, get free shipping" deal. They wash up great and don't need ironing. Woot!

Tops:
Casual. Old Navy's long sleeve maternity tees are great! They come in every color under the rainbow and are nice and long. Plus, if you snag some during the 2-for deal days (almost all the time), they are cheap, cheap! These fleece tops (not maternity!) are also only $15 and are comfy-cozy.

Dress. As odd as it sounds, I've found some of the cutest tops at Kohl's! Their ELLE line (not maternity!) has a lot of really flowy tops with the wide bands at the bottom in some really great colors for fall. And Kohl's always has extra coupons or deals...just make sure everything scans right at the register. They've screwed up my purchases more than once!

Night on the Town:
Dresses. Both Motherhood and Target have some really trendy and cute options for winter. I've scored this and this - and like them both because they specifically do not look like "pregnant girl" dresses. You know, the deep v-neck, empire waist, flowery patterned ones. Gag me.

That's a good start for now. I'm sure this list will all change as I continue to expand. :)

Liz Lange is my pal.

For those who are unfamiliar, Liz Lange is the designer for the maternity line at Target. She's also now the exclusive designer in my closet - no more Express, no more Limited. :(

Yes, friends, today was the day I packed away all my cute, non-pregnant (non-fitting) clothes in my closet and made room for all the tents, er, cute maternity clothes I will don for the next 6 months. It was bittersweet, because I absolutely have a love affair with my closet...and shopping in general. But Liz Lange has done me justice by creating cute pants and tops that do not have bows, flowers, or any other ridiculous adornments on or near the stomach area. Thank goodness for that!

The incredible news is that my shoes all still fit. Never will I have to part with my footgear...well, for now, anyway. I'm sure the day isn't far away that my feet will look like little cooked snausages all squished into my cute red and white polka dot flats. That will be a sad day. A sad day indeed.

On a related note, I had an epiphany this morning: I will be pregnant for SIX. MORE. MONTHS. That is HALF of one, entire YEAR. It really makes my head spin thinking about it. I mean, that's a long time! Joe and I will both have birthdays; Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day and Easter will come and go; and we will watch the ball drop BEFORE we get to meet WIP. It just seems like such a long time, doesn't it?

And, to close the post for today, I would like to give a "Go Green!" and a "Go Blue!" shout-out to the blogosphere. My loyalty lies with the Broncos, but since I have both Spartan and Wolverine friends, I'm torn. :)