It Happened.

For the first time on Tuesday, I was that mom with that kid.

"What?!" You exclaim. "Alex is an Angel!"

Eh. Notsomuch.

Don't get me wrong, I still maintain that Alex on his worst day is still better than the worst kid on his best day, but Tuesday was the day it happened. He threw a public tantrum and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

The worst of it? He was getting his hair cut.

This is his third haircut. You might remember that the first two were hugely successful. He was such a good boy and sat still and even got a sucker when it was all said and done. Not this time.

Basically, he screamed and screamed and wouldn't sit still. I'm not into bribing a kid to be good, but he wasn't even having the cookie or sucker I offered. Obvi, I was flying solo, so Joe wasn't there to help with reinforcements and I pretty much just wanted to disappear into the floor and never return.

That said, we survived. But even survival at its best still resulted in my kid looking like he joined the Marines:

The few. The proud. The Alex monster.

Hair-lemma. Oh, And Coupons.

As mentioned previously, I'm currently growing out my mane to donate to Locks of Love. And, as also foreshadowed, I'm losing my patience and slowly losing the will to keep growing.

10 inches is the minimum length (That's what she said. Snort.) for Locks of Love. And upon further research, Pantene has a program called Beautiful Lengths that only requires 8 inches (double snort). I could chop off what I have right now and meet that requirement...so does that make me a cheater?

Seriously. This ponytail is out of control. To "switch things up" a bit, I parted it on the other side today. A part! That's the best I can do to get any form of variety out of this mop. I'm annoyed and losing patience.

Methinks that I'll be a Beautiful Lengths donator the day after Boot Camp is over. Yesyesyes...zees ees zee plan.

Oh, and in unrelated news, Gap's Give and Get program runs August 26-29. You get 30% off at Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy (and outlets!) and the charity of your choice will get 5% of your purchase. Charities include (click the links to get the coupon): The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society; World Wildlife Fund; Feeding America; Global Fund's Project (RED); Big Brothers Big Sisters; and Teach for America.

As always, you're welcome.

Boot Camp...The Non-Birthday Edition.

It's not December, so it can't possibly be Birthday Boot Camp time around these parts. Hi-ev-uh, I am embarking on a new (and terrifying) form of Boot Camp...one that will surely bring loads of entertainment for your daily reading enjoyment.

Today's Detroit Groupon was 73% off a women's-only fitness boot camp. (Yes, God. I'm listening.) I've been making excuses for, oh...about a year... as to when, why and how I'll get the rest of this baby weight off my arse and quite frankly, it needs to stop. So, I went to their website and read through some of the really powerful testimonials (um, hello 'before' and 'after' pics!) and decided I've failed for too long on my own.

And so, against all my better judgment, I clicked "Buy" and registered for a 4-week camp. I begin my own personal hell the week after Labor Day. Participants are guaranteed:

• 3-5% reduction in body fat
• Greatly improved posture
• Better relaxation
• 5-12 pounds of weight loss
• 1-3 inch decrease in the midsection
• 25% improvement in endurance
• 25% increase in strength
• 100% gain in self-confidence <--cheesy marketing

Yeah, we'll see about all of that in the beginning of October. In the meantime, expect a great deal of entertaining stories of paralyzing muscle soreness, ridiculous sleep deprivation (the last time I saw 5:30 am was 1986) and unending hatred of my new trainer.

Good times.

Friday Fun.

Life required a triple shot in the latte this a.m., which still didn't do the trick. Exhaustion. Snooze.

In other news, I saw an anomaly in a parking lot yesterday and thought I would share my 'fusion on Facebook. My status rattled on something like "I don't understand why anyone would by a Mercedes station wagon. Kinda defeats the purpose, no?" And boy oy boy, I felt the HEAT!

It would appear that most people think crossovers and station wagons are the same thing. Which is WRONG. Exhibit A:

Crossover.

Wagon.

One is clearly cooler than the other, right? Whatever. My original point on the Book of Face was simply that if someone is forking out the cashola for a Benz, why not at least get something sweet like this:

Because that would haul the family to Disney, right?

Just my 29¢. Take it or leave it.

50% Off At Gap.

Today's Groupon is worth 50% off at ANY Gap store! Its doesn't matter if you're not FROM Detroit, you can still buy it and use it at any Gap in the US or Canada. Can I get an Eh-men from my sisters in the North?! Woot!

$25 for $50 worth of goodies...LOVE! Click here to check it out for yo-self!

Winner, Winner. Chicken Dinner.

In a strange twist of events, there were only 16 entries into le giveaway. Really, it just made the odds that much better for the rest of you, right?

Aaaaaanyway, I asked Joey to pick a number 1-16 and he selected a number related to Alex...15, for the day he was born.

And that entry was...

Jackie D. from always in my heart.

Congrats, girl! And the rest of you, don't get all emotional on me...CSN likely has more good things up their sleeves for the future. Keep reading!

Vitamin Z.

We took Alex to the Detroit Zoo for the first time on Saturday. It was friggin' as hot as the sun, but worth all the memories.

Pimpin' in his new (and so totally awesome) wagon.

Seals. By far his favorite exhibit.

What's that? Oh, it's BUCKETS OF SWEAT

pouring down my countenance.

Another reason wagons are superior to strollers
once they reach a certain age.
He cashed out just before the
lions and slept the rest of the day...

Keeping Up With The Kristi.

Uhhhmmmm...so remember that one time when I talked about my inadequacies as related to the styling of my long hair? And how I am basically inept with styling tools? And how I just wanted it to look all perfect like America Ferrera's or Kim Kardashian's?

Well, I think I made it happen last weekend. It only took me about a half can of hairspray and twenty minutes of awkwardly twirling my hair around a seventy billion degree curling iron in the back of my head, but I think I achieved my own personal hair perfection.

Pardon the stupid look on my face, but it's very tricksy to take a self portrait with le cell phone and NOT have the phone in front of your face. Because, seriously, that would have blocked the hair...which was clearly the whole point of the pic.

And in case you're wondering, this look has not been attempted since. But I can do it. Without burning off my arm, neck or face in the process. That's the point, here.

Hump Day Happiness.

Meh. It's Wednesday.

How do you make a typically mundane Hump Day a little saucier? Well, I don't know about you, but I GIVE STUFF AWAY!

Yes, it's that time again, childrens. My bffs over at the CSN group of stores are offering another gift card to one lucky reader. I've said it before, but you can literally find anything on CSN's 200+ online shops. From upholstered headboards to shoes to fitness equipment...it's all there.

But wait, there's more! They've upped the ante this time to a whopping FIFTY buckaroonies. For real!

To enter:
Just leave a comment on this post telling me what you'd use the $50 on. That's it! Don't worry, I won't hold you to your choice if you win. Oh, and you must also live in the US or Canada (their rules, not mine).

Contest ends August 18 at midnight EST. I'll announce the winner on Thursday, August 19. You're welcome!

Daily Deal.

As part of my recent Twitter explosion, I've become a fan of Target's Daily Deal Tweets.

At 10 am every day, my phone chirps with the deal o' the day, which is always medium-ly exciting. Some days, it's a cool product at a great price and other days, it's something annoying like little girls' boots that I can't own. Oh, and the best part? It's always, always free shipping.

Today? IT'S THE NOSEFRIDA. 27% off (a friggin' STEAL at $11) and freeeeeeeee shipping!

I don't know how else I can break this down for you. (Find discussions here.) If you have a kid, if you want a kid, if someone you know has a kid, BUY IT. I promise you'll craft me a sincere letter of thanks the first time said kid's nose starts a stuffin'.

The Other One Where I Totally Embarass My Better Half.

Remember this doozie? Consider this part two in the "My Husband Is So Hilarious" series...

So Joey has this group of interns and co-ops that work with him. Don't know the difference? Interns are summer college students. Co-ops are high school students. Anyway, a few of them are "In-Betweeners," as in they've graduated from the hell known as high school but have not yet started their first semester of what will likely be the best 4ish years of their lives. aka college.

Apparently Joe thought it would be fun/torturous to come up with a nickname for the In-Betweeners. Here's how that went down.

Joe: What should I call you? It's like...you're not in college. You're like, pre-college.
In-Betweeners: Likely giving Joe a look of "wtf" at this moment.
Joe: Excitedly. I know! PKs! That's what I'll call you. The PKs! You know, like pre-college!

Now, I can only imagine what was going thru the In-Betweeners' heads at this exact moment. Options that come to mind are, "Joe, did YOU go to Kollege?" or perhaps "Kollege obviously worked for Joe!"

I mean, really. Someone should dunce hat that boy.

This Just In.

Lookie what I can do...