I have many leather bound books.

Additionally, I had a completely different post scheduled for today...but sometimes life takes a sharp left turn and requires a page one re-write.

Watch this. Laugh. Pee a little. Then dance a jig of happiness with me.



I will most definitely be at the midnight showing the day it opens.

If Hard Work Were Really A Virtue, Then Mules Would Be Saints.

Do you know those days when it feels like you can conquer the world and you work like a bumblebee with roid rage getting what seems like everything but world peace solved? And then at the end of the day you look proudly at what you've accomplished and your to-do list is actually longer than when the day began? Yeah. I'm having one of those days weeks.

But in the spirit of happiness and Red Bull and sunshine and Cheez-its (all things that make me happy), I would like to introduce you to two of the newer loves of my life, one of which you haven't seen for awhile, and the other you will meet for the first time today!

It's Niephew!!!! Look how big (s)he's getting! Kelli's ultrasound yesterday predicted a holycrapgiantwhopperbaby at 6 lbs. 12 oz. ALREADY. Start praying for her girl parts, like, now.

And this adorable little bun in the oven is Jackson David, aka Alex's bff. His Momma, Lindsay, is a fab friend from college and I am SO PUMPED that she and her hubby are spawning a boy into the world. Jack and Alex will be bffs in college and have every class together and be giant study nerds, just like their Mommas. Hopefully they'll raise some hell along the way, too...because what's college without a few shenanigans?

The moral of today's story is that working hard eventually pays off. In the case of Kelli and Lindsay, their 9 months of basically the hardest work that exists (growing a human being from scratch) will be paying off very, very soon. Kelli in February and Lindsay in March.

As for me? Well, my hard work is mostly a work in progress. But cheers (Red Bull, vodka optional) to a productive weekend!

Boot Camp...The Non-Birthday Edition.

It's not December, so it can't possibly be Birthday Boot Camp time around these parts. Hi-ev-uh, I am embarking on a new (and terrifying) form of Boot Camp...one that will surely bring loads of entertainment for your daily reading enjoyment.

Today's Detroit Groupon was 73% off a women's-only fitness boot camp. (Yes, God. I'm listening.) I've been making excuses for, oh...about a year... as to when, why and how I'll get the rest of this baby weight off my arse and quite frankly, it needs to stop. So, I went to their website and read through some of the really powerful testimonials (um, hello 'before' and 'after' pics!) and decided I've failed for too long on my own.

And so, against all my better judgment, I clicked "Buy" and registered for a 4-week camp. I begin my own personal hell the week after Labor Day. Participants are guaranteed:

• 3-5% reduction in body fat
• Greatly improved posture
• Better relaxation
• 5-12 pounds of weight loss
• 1-3 inch decrease in the midsection
• 25% improvement in endurance
• 25% increase in strength
• 100% gain in self-confidence <--cheesy marketing

Yeah, we'll see about all of that in the beginning of October. In the meantime, expect a great deal of entertaining stories of paralyzing muscle soreness, ridiculous sleep deprivation (the last time I saw 5:30 am was 1986) and unending hatred of my new trainer.

Good times.

I Finally Did It.

Well, after a few months of going round and round with myself, I've finally caved and hired a cleaning service for our house. I know, right? Who am I!? Paying someone else my hard earned money to do something I'm fully capable of doing just isn't my style. Maybe my priorities have changed. Maybe I've changed. Either way, here's what it boiled down to...

I could just buckle down and Swiffer my own house. So what am I, lazy? Well, yes...that's part of it. But the pros of having someone else do my vacumming far outweigh the cons, and believe me, I've made the list.

And really, when you boil it all down, I'm creating a job for someone else in the world (merit badge, thankyouverymuch). In addition, I will no longer have the "oh my gosh my house is so filthy" cloud of shame hanging over my head every time we have guests over. Plus, it will be easier for us to keep up with the day-to-day quickie cleaning type stuff, like a tornado toy pickup session before the 'rents come over. The biggest of all, though, is that the precious weekend time Joe and I (yes, he's that awesome) normally spend cleaning can be spent taking long walks in the park with Alex. Or going to the Zoo. Or walking around downtown Royal Oak. Or planting flowers. And that, my friends, is priceless.

Morning Announcements.

Kind of like the high school kind, only without the Vice Principal's annoyingly squeaky voice and unnerving penchant for clicking her tounge in the middle of random words.

First up: BABIES! Congrats to Keliann and Michael on the birth of little Miss Abigail Mae. She's basically ADORABLE and I will be able to prove this in person tonight when I GO VISIT HER. :) I'm superdeeduperdeeduper excited. And, I will probably cry when I hold her because it will be too hard to believe Alex was ever that little.

Next: LUNCHTIME! And we're not talking crappy frozen chicken sandwiches, a sorry excuse for french fries and expired chocolate milk that tastes like cardboard. I'm talking super delicious food from Mind Body Spirit in downtown Rochester. But it's not the food I'm excited about...it's the company. My dear friend Karen Marina back in the land of the free and the home of the brave for a hot minute and I get to steal her for lunch!

Finally: ARTS AND CRAFTS! It seems I have far too many crafty friends. I've already raved about the brilliance that is Jackie of bleu soleil design, and now I must brag about Jamie from be.love(d). Basically I adore her from head to toe and now she's putting all of that hotness into some amazing pieces of canvas. It's gorgeous stuff. Ch-ch-check her out on Etsy.

And that, childrens, completes your announce(tounge click)ments for today. Enjoy!