Boot Camp...The Non-Birthday Edition.

It's not December, so it can't possibly be Birthday Boot Camp time around these parts. Hi-ev-uh, I am embarking on a new (and terrifying) form of Boot Camp...one that will surely bring loads of entertainment for your daily reading enjoyment.

Today's Detroit Groupon was 73% off a women's-only fitness boot camp. (Yes, God. I'm listening.) I've been making excuses for, oh...about a year... as to when, why and how I'll get the rest of this baby weight off my arse and quite frankly, it needs to stop. So, I went to their website and read through some of the really powerful testimonials (um, hello 'before' and 'after' pics!) and decided I've failed for too long on my own.

And so, against all my better judgment, I clicked "Buy" and registered for a 4-week camp. I begin my own personal hell the week after Labor Day. Participants are guaranteed:

• 3-5% reduction in body fat
• Greatly improved posture
• Better relaxation
• 5-12 pounds of weight loss
• 1-3 inch decrease in the midsection
• 25% improvement in endurance
• 25% increase in strength
• 100% gain in self-confidence <--cheesy marketing

Yeah, we'll see about all of that in the beginning of October. In the meantime, expect a great deal of entertaining stories of paralyzing muscle soreness, ridiculous sleep deprivation (the last time I saw 5:30 am was 1986) and unending hatred of my new trainer.

Good times.