The One Where I Really Embarrass My Husband.

Joey was diagnosed with sleep apnea a few eeons before he met me, and was prescribed one of those breathing machine thing-a-ma-doodles (technical name, yes) to help him sleep better and keep from snoring/choking himself awake every 10 minutes.

Image source. No, this is not actually Joe. I would not marry a man that sleeps in manjamas.

Yes. That's seriously what they look like - and to make the visual more appealing, Joey actually has the one that plugs right into his notrils. He tells me it's the "cooler" design...as if. You'd think with all the advances in modern medicine that they could make these things a little more, um, attractive. For crying out loud, REGIS uses one! And we wonder why I was Joey's first serious girlfriend after this machine?

Anyway, the CPAP (Continous Positive Airway Pressure) machine (yes, I Googled it) got packed away quite awhile ago. He seemed to be cured of the dreaded snoring...and the nights where it was bad, a simple Breathe Right strip would do the trick.

However...about 3 weeks ago he started choke-snorting me awake every 20 minutes. Being the ever-so-charming and loving wife that I am, I would thwop him in the side, which would work for a hot minute until he began waking the neigborhood with his snores again. The more he would do it, the more irritated I became. The more irritated I became, the harder it was to fall back asleep. You can see where this is going?

Last week, as a matter of life or death, the machine came out of retirement. I've never slept sounder in all my life. Joe is also sleeping much better and is so much more energetic throughout the day. Win. Win.

Our nightly routine now consists of me laughing hysterically at him for at least 5 minutes while he puts on his Darth Vader mask. The "Kristi, I am your husband" jokes never get old, and I'm quite sure I've made more than twelve "Night At The Museum 2" references.

"There's just too much going on here. You're evil. You're asthmatic. You're a robot. And why the cape? Are we going to the opera?"