Saturday, May 9, 2009

A Baby Story: Part 3

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm still alive. Where were we? Oh yes...checked in to L&D officially.

I was having moderate contractions at this point, and still drug-free. I got my IV inserted (surprisingly, horrifically painful) and got hooked up to the monitors. Note to pregnant ladies: ask for the mobile monitors if your hospital has them. That way, you can still get up and walk around without being attached to those stoopid cords. Even if your room doesn't have them, they can get them for you. Do it!

My peeps came to visit me (Mom, Dad, Kyle, Jill, Susan, John) and left with Kelli around midnight...that's when the fun began.

GOOD LORD, CONTRACTIONS ARE INSANE. You can actually feel them before they happen. Mine started as a wave in my heels and crawled all the way up the back of my legs, through my bunghole and into my ute. Ow, ow, ow. The pain lasted anywhere from 5-20 seconds and I hummed my way through them. Yeah...sorry Madelyn. I didn't use any of your breathing techniques. My instinct kicked in and I just did whatever made me feel better. Humming worked.

Joe managed to fall asleep a little after 1 a.m., and I popped in my iPod to try to get some relaxation/sleep. I know it was all in my head, but the contractions seemed to hurt a little less when he was by my side, so whenever I would start to feel the pain in my heels I would wake him up. And like the great hubby he is, he would hop out of his little rent-a-cot and hold my hand and hum with me through the pain.

Our sing-a-long lasted until about 4 a.m., when my angel (read: nurse) from above, Kelly B., came back in to check on me. I cannot stress enough how incredibly amazing she was. Maybe I even have a little bit of a girl crush on her now. I actually wrote a letter to the administrator of the hospital to tell him how awesome she was. I hope she wins nurse of the month. :)

This is the point where Joe started taking notes. I'll refer to his Excel spreadsheet from here on out, because my memories will involve far too many curse words to keep this blog PG-13. My commentary, per usual, in italics.

4:30 a.m. - Checked cervix. OMG again with the cervix checking. Sunnafuhbitch. Only dilated 1 cm. Eff. Eff. Eff. All this work for 1 friggin' cm?

4:42 a.m. - Started newbane drip. Narcotic. Should last 2 hours and let Kristi sleep. Thank God! Oooohhh druggys make me feely so weirdy. Going sleepy now...

4:48 a.m. - Narcotics seem to be working. Kristi is drifting off to sleep, hopefully for a good 2 hours. Best part of the day.

4:50 a.m. - Kristi is sleeping through her contractions. This is a good thing. WIP is doing well. Sleep. So. Delicious.

6:30 a.m. - Newbane starting to wear off. Contractions every 8 minutes. Next cervix check at 7:30. More drugs, please. Less cervix checking, please.

7:30 a.m. - Cervix not dilated. I hate my life. Thinking about pitocin/more pain management. Stop thinking, start DOING!

8:13 a.m. -Got morphine drip in IV and Kristi is sleeping. Hoping to relax her little body and let the cervix start to relax, too. Oh, Joey...if I wasn't on a billion drugs and wanting to die, I would kiss you for calling my body little.

8:18 a.m. - Dr. Long is a BIG believer in vaginal births and letting the body labor. We're going to be here awhile. His face is now on a dartboard in my basement...I keed, I keed.

8:23 a.m. - REALLY bad contraction. I don't remember this particular one over any other, but I'm sure I hated it.

8:35 a.m. - Morphine drip not working. Kristi's pain getting worse. Got a shot of morphine in the thigh - thinking the IV will work slow and the shot will work fast and they will meet in the middle to manage pain. Yeah...that didn't work.

8:54 a.m. -Doing an ultrasound just to be safe. Actually, it was a stoopid intern that just needed to get his ultrasound hours in. Whatever. Kelly B. almost kicked him out. Love her. In the meantime, Kelli is trying to hook intern's wife up with a teaching job in Troy. You can always count on Kelli to make friends...even while I'm in excruciating pain, preferring death.

8:55 a.m. - Kristi declares her hatred of morphine. I think they really just gave me a shot of sugar water.

8:56 a.m. - Another BIG contraction. Poor baby. Poor me, indeed.

8:57 a.m. - Grandma Joette arrives. Greetings, mom. Tell me again why you opted to do this THREE times!?!

9:00 a.m. - I (Joe) am going to take a shower. My jealousy exists on many levels.

We'll take it from the shower next time. I've got a sleeping baby and a 15 minute window to take MY shower and prepare myself for the day.


my mid mid-life crisis said...

Things I love about this post:

1. That your husband created a spreadsheet for you.

2. That you posted it at 6:00 AM.

3. You are not feeding us non pregnant ladies a line of bull about how it's the "most wonderful thing in the world". I just KNEW everyone was lying. Thanks for giving us the truth.

jen :] said...

happy mothers day. love reading your blog.

Amy (the Happy Mom!) said...

I love it. I did the newbane (however you spell it) and the morphine. Bupkuss. It was like taking Tylenol. In theory, a pain killer, but in reality, like eating smarties for your headache. Puh-lease, people. Pass the real drugs!

I did the whole "natural", "let your body labor" thing, too. Until I got the epidural. My thoughts? If I ever do it again, the drugs are #1 priority.