Quesadillas BE GONE.

Oh mercy, mercy, mercy. Where to even begin this post? I suppose we should start with about 1:30 p.m. on Tuesday, when Jane texted me to tell me Alex had thrown up. Ugh.

By the time I got there, he'd thrown up 2 more times. Then twice on the way home. Joe got home from work  around 6 p.m. and I am not exaggerating in the least when I tell you that I honest to cheese lost count at 20--the number of times he'd thrown up SINCE WE GOT HOME.

We called the pediatrician, and to no one's surprise they sent us right off to the ER at the risk of severe dehydration. Fast forward 5 hours and with a little help from some Zofran, popsicles and pedialite, we were on our way home. The next day, his other end started acting up so he stayed in Pull-Ups for a few days because his "toots had some poops."

 See also: why is he so big?!

And then, in the middle of the night on Wednesday, guess what came knocking on MY door? Yeap. Listen, I won't go into the gory, graphic details in the here and now, but suffice it to say I spent many, many hours seated ON the toilet while simultaneously hurling my brains out into a trash can, sweating profusely and shaking like a patient in detox. Never in all my life have I been that sick. It. Was. Terrible.

And then, as only the VW's luck would have it, Joey was next! He didn't get it quite as badly as me, but I did hear him wish death upon himself a few times from outside the bathroom door.

So what's with the subject of this post, you ask? Well, we watch our fair share of Doc McStuffins and if you aren't aware of this little cartoon gem, she's a "doctor" to her stuffed animals and makes their ouchies go away with her magical toddler doctoring. Every diagnosis is a "Case of the _____," so when Alex morphed from vomit to diarrhea, he self-diagnosed himself with the Quesadillas.

At least we had something to laugh about over the course of the last few days, right?

I'm happy to say we're all on the mend and looking forward to sunny, spring days ahead!

How'd you spend your Sunday?

Was it at the ER with a severely dehydrated 2 year old? No? Than it was sure as hell better than mine.

Long story short: Alex woke up on Sunday morning limp as a noodle, unresponsive to any questions and demonstrating some signs of labored breathing. I don't really remember driving to the hospital, but somehow we ended up at the Children's ER at Beaumont.

He had no signs of fever or infection, which was the most troubling. The doctors ran blood tests and x-rays of his chest and stomach to learn more. During the x-ray, the tech told Alex she was going to "take a picture of his bellybutton" so he pointed to it and said, "cheeeeese!" I die.

Anyway, his labs showed CO₂ levels of 17. The "normal" range is 22-26, so the kid was dehydrated. Severely. We had a barrage of questions for the docs--because he had been drinking and peeing healthy amounts all week--and even had a wet diaper that very morning. It's assumed that his body was just fighting off some sort of bug earlier in the week and was using all the "extra" fluids to do that.

So, he got hooked up to an IV for the  better part of 3 hours and got all juiced back up. And, miracle of miracles, after about 30 minutes into the drip, he was his normal, happy, silly self.

He was so brave when they put his IV in.
Also, doesn't he look BIG here? Sigh.

Feeling better...can you tell? :)

The last picture is proof that we were ready to be discharged and head home. And also that he has Poppi and Papa John wrapped around his chubby fingers. Papa John was on wagon duty and Poppi pushed the IV cart behind them. This was all just too much for me, truly.

So, in summary, that's not how I planned to spend my Sunday. But everyone is happy, healthy and hydrated back at home. Also? I like alliteration.

Le sigh.

I am super glad this week is OVER. Mostly because it was the most horrific week, ever.

Poor wittle Alex came down with the flu at daycare on Tuesday. Obviously, when children are vomiting on other children, they're notsomuch welcome at places such as daycare...so we got him early and kept him home all week.

Fastforward through me getting it, Joe getting it, and work being the suckiest, ever, and it was all in all a no good, very bad week.

But mad props to the best SIL ever, Jill, for coming to our rescue last night. If Kyle hadn't already married her, I might consider it.

Here's to a healthy February!

Mouthbreathing, Party Of 2?

As you might have guessed, both of the men in my life are sick. Like, coughing-up-a-lung, mouthbreathing-until-it-hurts, can't-sleep-to-save-my-life sick. Needless to say, it was a verrrrry pleasant (laden with sarcasm) weekend at the VeeDub household.

I have, however, learned a few new Mommy tricks during this most recent ride on the sickness train. Allow me to impart my knowledge to you:

1) The plug-in Vicks vapor thingies RULE. The day I bought one was the first time Alex slept through the night. I used the regular chest rub stuff for Joe, and that worked wonders for him, too. Amen, Vicks. Amen.
2) When buying Mucinex, just get the regular strength. The extra strength could clear the mucus (too much?) from that slobbery guy in Ghostbusters. Nobody needs to see that.
3) I maintain that Airborne tablets are the only thing keeping the germies away from me. I take one a day. And right now the monster tubes are $5 off at Coscto!
4) Speaking of Costco, and totally unrelated to sickness, I discovered sweet potato chips this weekend. ZOMG. They are yumalicious. And also available at your friendly neighborhood Costco.

I'll leave some of the other sickness details to your imagination. I think we're all finally on the mend and will be able to enjoy some pumpkin patch goodness this weekend. Happy Monday!

I Smell Of Vomit & Pedialyte.

Here is a list of things that will happen in your life, should your 13 month old child ever become violently ill with the flu:

• Ineveitably, you will wash every single piece of clothing and blanket that he owns because it's all covered in vomit. Like, cups and cups of vomit. Like, how did this much vomit even come out of this little body, vomit. Oh, and you'll also hose down BOTH strollers, because those got vommed in, too.
• You will make midnight runs to Walgreens for copious amounts of grape Pedialyte, which strangely, tastes delicious. The sales associate will also look at you, all rugged and ragged in your sweatpants and sorry excuse for a tee shirt and just say, "I'm sorry."
• You will sleep very little, worried that he might vom in his sleep and choke on it.
• You will neglect your blog, Facebook, Twitter and internet friends - not because you don't love them, but because you have literally no energy left to give to any other cause.
• You will, despite every effort to shower, scrub, disinfect and cleanse everything in your house (including you), still smell vomit everywhere you go because the scent is burned into your nostrils like a hot, schwetty day at a open-air fish market.
• You will ADORE your husband for staying home with the babe, because your job is currently mind-blowingly insane and busy.

And then, when everyone is healthy again, you will breathe a sigh of relief and say hello to your internet friends once again. Hello, friends.

Worst Week Ever.

I should NOT have posted yesterday about things "looking better." What's the saying...if you wan't God to laugh, just tell Him your plans? Yeah, pretty sure He's laughin' at the VWs right about now.

So you know the whole drama about our Daycare provider being sick, and how my Momma came to rescue us so we could go to work yesterday?

Well, let's travel back in time to 5 p.m. last night. Mom was on her way home and Joe and I took Alex to Coscto for a little bulk shopping adventure.

About 20 minutes into it, I started feeling rotten. Assuming it was food poisoning from the pizza we had eaten earlier, we vamoosed it home. Prepare yourself...this is where I go into TMI mode. About 15 minutes later, my body was screaming, "Emergency! Emergency!" and I didn't know which end to put on the toilet first. I decided to sit, but immediately screamed to Joe to bring me a bowl/bucket/something to hold what was about to happen out the other end.

The good man had no sooner brought me a bowl and he was face-first in the garbage disposal side of the sink, hurling his brains out. This cat-and-mouse dance of "You go to the sink. I'll go to the bathroom." went on literally all night long...about every hour, in fact. Oh the joys of having a one bathroom house.

It's now mid-afternoon and neither of us are feeling human yet. Gatorade, Ritz crackers and the couch have been our bffs for the last 9 hours. And to make matters worse, my Mom has it, too.

So much for tonight's plans...we were supposed to go to a Cowboy Mouth concert. The tix were part of Joey's birthday present. Boo.

So now, it's back to sleeping, spewing things out of all my orifices and attempting to nap. Oh, and I also should probably disenfect the sink.

Where To Begin?

Ohhhh what a morning it's been. I suppose I will tell the tale from the very beginning, because that's what Julie Andrews would have me do. Buckle in kids, it's gonna be a long one.

Our morning began at about 6:45, when I woke in a frantic flurry because I had overslept the alarm and needed to be at work for a 7:30 meeting. We had worked it out the night before that Joe would drop Alex at daycare and I would pick him up at the end of the day.

As I was tornadoing around the house getting ready, Joe was being a dear and getting Alex ready for his day. You know - food, clothing and all that jazz. About the time I was applying my mascara, Joe hollered that he needed help because Alex was throwing up his bottle.

Lordhavemercy. My child was literally spewing 6 oz. of formula exorcist-style out of his lips. I've never seen anything like it.

After a quick check for fever (none) and realizing he was in very good spirts (still giggling at his 'toons and smiling like a fool), we decided he must've just had an upset tummy and carried on about our business. Five minutes later, I grabbed my cell phone, coat and computer and was out the door.

Cue the cameras to me walking into work and finally looking at my phone, only to find 2 missed calls and a text message from our daycare provider telling me she had the stomach flu and could not watch the kids today.

::facepalm::

In a tizzy, I called Joe EIGHT times, left 2 messages and sent 2 texts, hoping he would see them before he bundled Alex up and shipped him off to Daycare. Meanwhile, I went up to my desk and alerted my boss of the situation at hand. He was relatively cool about it and told me to just call into my morning meetings. And so I did - Supermom hops back in her car, managing meetings and life from the road.

Imagine my surprise upon pulling into the driveway and Joe's Jeep is nowhere in sight. Seriously? Did he not look at his phone? Uhhhm, as I very obviously demonstrated not 15 minutes earlier, this is very possible.

I put my meeting on muted speaker and sent Joe a text message: "Where are you?" I get back: "Headed to Daycare." I say, "Jane's sick. Come home. I'm here."

Fast forward 2 minutes to Joe calling me 3 times in a row. I'm still on my conference call, so I text him back, "In meeting. Can't talk." And I get back, "911."

Shiiiiiiiiiite.

I'll spare you the details moving forward, (mostly because reliving my morning is elevating my blood pressure) but to summarize, Joe got into a car accident as he was turning around to come back home. He and Alex are both fine, but the Jeep has seen better days.

I can't help but think that ALL of this could have been avoided if I just would have stupid looked at my stupid phone before I stupid left for stupid work. You can bet your sweet arse I won't be making that mistake again.

Oh, and Alex? Still spewing. My Momma's coming to nurse him back to health tonight and watch him tomorrow. Thank jebus for her.

Hair On Fire.

Yesterday I spent 40% of my day in bed. I totally just shut down and gave my body the rest it has been demanding from me. Don't worry, I'm fine...

Today, I'm back at it...but trying desperately to accomplish all that needs to be done in this crazy office before Friday, aka when the greatest vacation period ever begins. That's right, peeps...this girl won't be gracing Corporate America with her face again until January 11, 2010.

But before I can enjoy that delicious, delicious break, I've got a shit ton to do. Balls almighty, here I go.

Goodness!

I simply couldn't accept the "no news is good news" method of communication as instructed by my doc's office, so I finally gave in and just called.

The nurse said my bloodwork was the "picture of pregnancy health." She simply warned me that if my headaches continue and Tylenol doesn't do the trick, or if my ankles don't go down after elevating them for an hour or so to call ASAP.

Looks like I'm back to being a "boring" pregnancy. Cool wit' me!

No News = Good News?

So it's 11:06 a.m. and I haven't heard anything from the doc yet. I have to imagine they get their first batch of results back from Quest Diagnostics when they open (8 am) ...so he should have seen my results by now and called if something was up, right?

In the meantime, I'm about to rock it to Chipotle to meet Jamie for runch. That should take my mind off things for an hour or so. If I haven't heard anything by 2 p.m., I'm officially diagnosing myself healthy.

Some Good & Some Bad.

Had another weekly checkup today...got some good news and some bad news.

Good? I lost 4 lbs! :) I'm 99.98% certain it's only because last time I was there my ankles were roughly the size of elephant balls, and this time they were nearly normal. So, the fluctuation was most likely due to less water weight this time around. But, combine that with my recent size small bra purchase and I'm feeling pretty great about my fatty self today.

Bad? They found protein in my urine and 2 of 3 blood pressure tests were high. Both of these are signs of preeclampsia, but both also have a high false positive reading. So, they drew some blood just to be sure. If I don't hear anything by tomorrow, I'm in the clear. Fingers crossed!

In related news, my last day of work is Thursday (not like last day ever, just last day until September-ish). It's surprisingly bittersweet, because I LOVE my work family and 89% of the time I truly love what I do. But I'm also looking forward to having a week or so just to myself - probably the last ever long stretch of "me" time I will have for the rest of my life...I hear this "mom" thing is very, very time consuming. :) I plan to get another prenatal massage, spend some time at Starbucks, the movies, napping, nesting and taking care of all the last minute things for WIP's arrival.

Until tomorrow, friends! I hope I'm back with good news.

Owie. Owie.

There's a new pregnancy ailment in town, people! Say hello to...

LEG CRAMPAGE!

It started 2 nights ago. I woke up out of sound sleep and was pretty certain that my left leg was being eaten by a giant, rabid monster. It was honest-to-goodness the worst cramp I've ever, ever had. Maybe my body was confused and sent my calf into labor instead of my abdomen? IDK.

Because of said crampage, my left leg felt like someone took an eggbeater to it all day yesterday. Not only was it sore, it would still cramp up every now and again. Boo.

I rocked some Icy Hot last night hoping to ease the soreness, but to no avail. I just ended up smelling like a locker room. Sexy, no?

In related news, my right leg decided to join the party last night and cramp up every few hours.

So today, not only am I extraordinarily sleepy from doing laps around the house in an effort to soothe my leggy-poos, I'm in a squidge of pain...yep, still cramping. Anyone have any magical remedies?

Pregnancy Ain't Beautiful.

Well, at least most parts of the 3rd trimester aren't. Allow me to share with you some bits and pieces of my yesterday, will you?

The day started off normal enough: the typical 3-4 tries to get out of bed, loafing to the shower and preparing for the day in slow motion. I got to work and was less than enthused about actually boosting shareholders' value...but begrudgingly did it, anyway.

After lunch I'm quite sure that a giant, metaphorical 18 wheeler hit me head-on. All of a sudden I felt that my only two options in life were either to vom or pass out (luckily, I experienced neither).

So I packed it up and headed home early. No sooner had I let Jake outside, I was on the couch and down for the count. I slept until around 6 when Joe got home and from then out was really only functional to eat, pee and halfheartedly Facebook. My body was experiencing some other joyful and graphic functions, but I will spare you those details. Let's just say that anything you were doing last night was far, far better than my experiences.

I seem to be back to normal today - still feeling very sleepy but I have some energy and pep back in my step. The tall, nf, decaf, 1 Splenda latte from Starbuckies is helping, too...life is grand.

I suppose it's to be expected. I am, after all, growing a human inside me. Do you ever wonder what Eve thought about being pregnant? This morning when WIP was performing an Irish step dance on my ribcage I really thought about what she must've thought about all this. She didn't have any precedent to go by - no docs to show her an ultrasound, no friends to tell her tales of what her body might go through, no books to reinforce that everything she was feeling was normal. I suppose having a direct line to God sort of eliminates the need for doctors, friends and books...but still. Kinda "big" to fathom, no?

I literally could go on for days about the random things like that I think about. But I will spare you today. It is Friday, after all. Yippie!

Tonight Joey and I are hitting up our first Mom2Mom sale in Farmington Hills. Can't wait to tell you about all the screamin' deals I get my swollen, fat hands on!!

Blah.

It's Monday (like I needed to tell you that) AND I'm miserable. It's like that book...my own version of a no-good-very-bad-day.

Yes, this is a pity post. Deal. I've been sick for THREE weeks now and all I want to do is OD on Advil Cold & Sinus and sleep for 4 days. What's worse, Joe's going to the doc today to get himself a Z-Pack. Why can't we suffer and be miserable together? I did, after all, agree to that whole "for better or worse" thing...

To top it off, I took a sneek peak at my Week 28 update and it's chock full o' good news for the WIPpersnapper and notsogoodnews for me. Granted, I would cut off a limb for the little man, but still.

I suppose the light at the end of the tunnel is that today can only go up, up, up. I'm anticipating the uppage occuring right around 5:30 when I step into my glorious sweatpants and snuggle in with Jake and Joey for the evening. The countdown begins!