Resolutions.

Lame. Cliche. Whatever. I'm hopping on the bandwagon.

If I can get 3 of these done, I will be pleasantly surprised with myself. Nothing like being an overachiever, eh?

• Create a FB page for Alex. It's funny and weird. And yes, you should friend him. In related news, when did "friend" become a verb?
• Fit back into my skinny jeans. Admitting an actual number goal is just tragic.
• Try Indian food. Kelli swears it's the most delicious thing on the planet.
• See more "boy" movies. Also categorized under: "Be a more awesome wife." 
• Top my 2009 BDBC free crap total. Totally doable.
• Be an audience member on Ellen. If I can get greedy, I would prefer it to be during her '12 Days of Giveaways'.
• Keep Jake from digging up all my flowers in the spring. Or find a way to get rid of him altogether.
• Go on a glorious vacation with just Joey. The beach misses me.

I'm not sure how 2010 can possibly be better than 2009. I mean, think about it: in the last year I've gotten a new sister (Jill) and a new brother (David). I've also survived pregnancy and childbirth (barely) and came out the other side with a super awesome kid who makes my life better in every way. I'm still wickedly in love with my Joey and couldn't be happier with the life I've been blessed with. Yes, you may all now gag at my sappy moment. 

Happy New Year! Now back to nursing my hangover...

Randomness.

Please forgive the pong-like nature of this post, but there seems to be so much going on in the world and this is the only way I can control my little corner of it. I give you...The Bulleted List.

• Ellen. First, her season premiere was amazing. Are you kidding me with that dance? The woman is in the 50+ club. Go, girl! Secondly, as the new judge on AI...unsure. I love me some Ellen as much as the next straight girl with a crush on Portia, but will wait to pass judgment until I see it for myself.
• Kenny Chesney. New song "I'm Alive" feat. Dave Matthews? Fabulousness. Download it now. Very chill. And I don't even like DMB...as a general rule.
• On that note (pun intended), when did Phil Stacey get a gig? I'm jamming to XM32 @ my desk and his song "You're Not Shaken" just came on. Rather Clay Aiken-esque, but overall somewhat catchy.
• Baja Fresh. What's with the brown color medium salsa? I mean, it's delicious and all...but brown? Really? That said, my lunch was muy fantastico.
• Stamps. Way too effing expensive. It will soon be cheaper to drive a 1984 Chevy El Camino across the continental United States to say "hello" in person than to send a card.
• Glee. I practially peed myself during the season premiere. Best new show of the season, hands down. I heart it.
• Mr. President. Apparently I tuned in waaaaaaay too late to proclaim an opinion on his "Back To School" message to le children. Truth be told, I rather agree with what she had to say on the topic. Preach, sista.
• Sharpie. Why can I not find the new retractable pens in any store in Metro Detroit? Rar. If you find one, buy it for me please. I will drive my El Camino to come pick it up.

Like A Jock Strap, Only Better.

Day 3 of the wean (And by 'wean' I do mean 'cold turkey.' Just wanted an excuse to say 'wean') is going shockingly well. My last official pump was Sunday morning around 1:30 a.m. and I'm now to the point where I can actually think about touching my boobs (not like in a perverted way, you sicko) without vomiting.

I've received and openly taken all the advice from women who've lived through this, and it seems that much like labor and delivery, everyone has a different story...but EVERYONE experienced pain on some scale.

And by pain, I mean that you want to saw your boobs off with anything sharper than a rusty spoon while OD-ing on Tylenol 3 washed down with a vat of Pinot Grigio from Costco. Yeah, it's that bad. But, it's better than the alternative, which is evil, evil pumping.

The best advice I got was to wrap yourself up like a present and to not do anything to "stimulate" your boobs, otherwise they will keep making milk. This includes holding Alex close to my chest, because just that little bit of contact triggers my hormones to "let down" milk. (Who invented that phrase, "let down" re: milk? It's gross.) Suffice it to say I'm rockin' 2 sports bras and the boppy has become my "breast" friend (hahaha I kill myself) when it comes to feeding the little man.

The night feedings are SO much better, because instead of changing him, heating the bmilk from the fridge, feeding him, burping him, getting him back to sleep, washing the bottle, washing the pumping equipment, pumping for 15 minutes, slathering lanolin, repadding the bra and getting the bmilk into bottles/fridge, it's just a simple change, feed, burp, sleep. Gloooorious.

I'm unsure as to how long it will take my moo moo juice to dry up. I googled it and for some women it's a few days, others a few months. Let's hope I'm on the days plan.

Also - Obama? It was very uncool to interrupt ellen yesterday for your silly Supreme Court nomination. It wasn't anything I couldn't catch on CNN later today. Sheesh.

I Heart Ellen.

I'm wondering when I go back to work if I could make my hours 11-5? You see, this would allow me to watch the ellen show every day...which I would ADORE.

Note: this is my first official day of maternity leave. I'm calling it "being a fake teacher" because I can only imagine this is what it's like to be a teacher and only work 8 months out of the year. And yes, I'm totally prepared for all the nasty comments I will get from teachers for what I just said. I'm related to two of you (almost three) - you do not scare me. Bring it.

Here I sit, blogging from my couch in my Vickies sweatpants, Joe's ridiculously humongous tee shirt (which you can probably guess fits me rather snugly) and my freshly painted blue toes propped up on some pillows to prevent the inevitable Sherman Klump-age of the cankles. Oh yes, did I mention Joe picked out blue polish for my pedi yesterday? They're in honor of my WIPpy.

So back to ellen. She's freakin' the BEST. I might add her show to my Netflix list...would that be weird? Probably. Oh well. Anyway, the guest on right now is Mary McCormack from "In Plain Sight" and she just gifted Ellen 2 laser pointers. She and her husband use them when they watch reality tv - she swears they "revolutionize tv watching," and I think the concept is sheer brilliance. Dear Joey, if you are reading this, sneak upstairs to my desk and grab my laser pointer out of my desk and bring it home. I want to revolutionize our tv watching experience. This is going to be awesome.

This life of lazy will get old and simultaneously come to an end far, far too soon. But until it's over, I will relish in it and be and ellen junkie. Mac and Cheese in dinosaur shapes for lunch, you say? Done!