Night & Day.

I just returned from the aforementioned lunch trip to DSW. Not only did they have le shoes in stock and in my size, they were on clearance. SCHWING!

And, might I add that the sales associate kicked some serious arse. Like, instant nomination for employee of the month arse. Not only was she uber helpful and cheerful, she asked me if I was a hairdresser because I had "such fabulous hair." Exact words. No lies.

Basically, I have a new girl crush. Quality customer service lives on!!!

Randomness.

Please forgive the pong-like nature of this post, but there seems to be so much going on in the world and this is the only way I can control my little corner of it. I give you...The Bulleted List.

• Ellen. First, her season premiere was amazing. Are you kidding me with that dance? The woman is in the 50+ club. Go, girl! Secondly, as the new judge on AI...unsure. I love me some Ellen as much as the next straight girl with a crush on Portia, but will wait to pass judgment until I see it for myself.
• Kenny Chesney. New song "I'm Alive" feat. Dave Matthews? Fabulousness. Download it now. Very chill. And I don't even like DMB...as a general rule.
• On that note (pun intended), when did Phil Stacey get a gig? I'm jamming to XM32 @ my desk and his song "You're Not Shaken" just came on. Rather Clay Aiken-esque, but overall somewhat catchy.
• Baja Fresh. What's with the brown color medium salsa? I mean, it's delicious and all...but brown? Really? That said, my lunch was muy fantastico.
• Stamps. Way too effing expensive. It will soon be cheaper to drive a 1984 Chevy El Camino across the continental United States to say "hello" in person than to send a card.
• Glee. I practially peed myself during the season premiere. Best new show of the season, hands down. I heart it.
• Mr. President. Apparently I tuned in waaaaaaay too late to proclaim an opinion on his "Back To School" message to le children. Truth be told, I rather agree with what she had to say on the topic. Preach, sista.
• Sharpie. Why can I not find the new retractable pens in any store in Metro Detroit? Rar. If you find one, buy it for me please. I will drive my El Camino to come pick it up.

Sometimes I Just Wanna Eat My Sammitch In Peace.

Let me set the stage: Joey, 2 coworkers and I sit down in the campus cafeteria for lunch. (For those viewers just tuning in, yes, JVW and I work together. And yes, it works. Very well.)

Enter CEO, who awkwardly sits at our table and attempts to join in on casual lunch conversation. Lame.

And so it goes for 45 minutes of painful, regrettable conversation.

I totally get it. The big wigs want to seem like they are at our level. You know, chill with the working folk and give the appearance of being a "normal" guy. But sometimes, I just want to comfortably sit with my peeps and talk about how much corporate America sucks; or about Alex's latest diaper explosion; or about how nearly everyone I used to work with has recently quit (more on that later...). And I cannot do any of those things while Mr. CEO is staring at me blankly, trying to remember my name and wondering why he continues to sign my paychecks. Oh, not to mention the fact that meanwhile, I'm trying to maintain somewhat intelligent conversation while simultaneously attempting to gracefully keep my turkey sammitch between my lips.

As you can tell, it was not the relaxing lunch hour I needed. Ugh.

Note to self: when I take over as CEO of the universe, do not attempt to have casual, spur-of-the-moment lunches with the "little guys." They do not appreciate it. Instead, hide in my office with Subway. Much more effective use of time and energy.