Tuesday, December 21, 2010

When Football Takes Over Your Life.

I may or may not have previously mentioned that Joey is a rabid football fanatic. Like, whoa. He participates in multiple fantasy leagues every year...and as it turns out, he's made the playoffs this year in the league with his crazy fraternity brothers, the BHFFL.

And this was the email he sent out to my family today, prepping them for the activities (or lack thereof) around this weekend's football schedule. Read. Laugh. Enjoy.

Dear family,

The purpose of this email is to inform you of the following proclamation regarding my status for Sunday, December 26, 2010.

My Fantasy Football Team is in the BHFFL Super Bowl. The championship game of my fantasy league. The pinnacle of weeks and weeks of arduous losses and compelling victories. The Big Game! The Hot Tamale. The “IT” of 2010.

Therefore, I hereby decree beginning Sunday morning 11:00 AM through Sunday evening 11:00 PM I will be unavailable for any activities that do not involve sitting in front of a television watching the greatest show on earth, the National Football League.

Activities including but not limited to: shopping, cleaning, organizing, driving (unless for the sole purpose of getting ice cream), shoveling, eating (unless in front of a television), visiting with guests, making small talk (unless about the status of my fantasy football team), bathing (that’s right, I just may stay in my PJs all day), performing errands, decorating, moving furniture, packing, unpacking, reading (unless it’s the Sunday paper and predominantly the sports section), caroling, moving heavy things, talking on the phone and hard jobs are strictly forbidden.

You are welcomed and encouraged to participate in some or all of the following permissible activities: eating and drinking (within view of the television), surfing the internet, snuggling (with Kristi and Alex only), texting, napping, yelling at the TV after unfavorable plays, jumping up and down in excitement after favorable plays and doing the good luck mojo dance.

In advance of this momentous day of pure NFL enjoyment, I express my extreme appreciation for your tolerance of my football addiction and encourage any efforts you may make to ensure it is nothing short of wondrous.

Thank you,
The President and Team owner of AJ’s Wippos

And you wonder why he's perfect for me? Pffft.

Oh, and someday I will explain the good luck mojo dance to you. It's ridiculous, but has a 100% effective rate.

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