Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Sans Pants Pam.

I have a new friend and her name is Pam. She's an absolute delight. We share a love of Frill, fabulous shoes, snark, proper grammar/spelling and sparkly accessories.

Recently, I've learned that Pammy Pie has a nickname on the streets of Detroit. She's known as "Sans Pants Pam" to those in her circle. At first, I thought this nickname was merely a reference to pranks played on a drunken college night involving a Sharpie, warm water and some Cool Whip. However, it's recently come to light that this is, in fact, a literal nickname.

She owns NO pants.
Zilch. Zero. Nada. Not one pair. No sweats. No jeans. No slacks. No pantalones. Whatever you want to call them, she a'int got none. How about that proper grammar, hmmm?

At first, I thought she was throwing me some super sized hyperbole. You know, like she prefers to wear dresses and skirts and only busts out the jeans and sweats on the weekends. FALSE. She literally owns ZERO pants.

This spurred the following back-and-forth interrogation. All the while, my jaw was on the floor.

"How do you lounge?"
- Cotton maxi dresses

"Shovel snow?"
- Warm tights with Uggs. (Yeah, I'll have to circle back on the whole Uggs thing...)

"Outdoor activities?"
- Garden and mow the lawn in a dress.

"Work out?"
- Work out and walk on the treadmill in a dress. (I can't even imagine the chafing!)

"Ice skating at Campus Martius Park?"
- Sweater tights with a mini.

This went on for the better part of thirty minutes until I had literally thrown every pants-requiring scenario at her and was consistently shut down. I honestly cannot believe she owns not one pair of pants. Not even a single pair of Mavis that make her ass look like a dream.

Sans Pants Pam, you are an anomaly to me, but I love you in spite of it.


Chardonnay said...

But why??!!

Jackie D. said...

You that you mention it I have never seen Pam in pants. OMG! DUH! This is so funny that it has just dawned on me since you posted this :) Too funny - Sans Pants Pam.

Abby said...

The only thing I can't imagine doing in a dress is working out. Everything else, ok, manageable, I (sort of) get it. But working out?!