When Football Takes Over Your Life, Part 3.

...and so, it continues. Here's Joey's response to Dad's response to Joey's original request. I die.
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Dear Staffing Specialist at Casa de Talicska:

It is not often during these busy times that one experiences such generous hospitality.

Per your invitation below, I have created a small list of modest and humble yet very much essential requirements to ensure my stay at Casa de Talicska will be nothing short of spectacular.

1. I anticipate spending most of my football watching time in the basement. That said, should I be so moved to venture upstairs, I request that the living room TV remain in a constant state of NFL watching readiness.
2. I believe a chocolate fountain with all the accoutrements will help stave off any sweet cravings while providing a nice ambiance.
3. Fresh cut flowers would be a nice touch.
4. Some aroma therapy would be sublime…perhaps you could provide a fresh locker room scent or maybe the fragrance of fresh cut grass to enhance my football watching experience?
5. I would like a “beer guy.” You know, someone who will randomly appear yelling, “Ice cold beer…get your ice cold beer here!”
6. Concessions would be appreciated. Nachos, hot dogs, popcorn…
7. A fuzzy blanket should it get chilly.
8. Fluffed downy pillows.
9. My own personal bathroom. I do not want to miss any big plays waiting in line to use the head.
10. A giant foam finger so I can raise it high in the air and chant, "We’re number one! We’re number one!" as my team fights for victory.

Thank you for your generous reception. I very much look forward to my afternoon of football watching.

Merry Christmas,
Team Owner and President of “The” AJ’s Wippos

When Football Takes Over Your Life, Part 2.

This was my Dad's response to Joey's Fantasy Football email.
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Dear Joseph,

I can only think of one response and that is...upstairs in HD or downstairs on the big screen?

Please let me know at your earliest convenience so the proper arrangements and staffing can be made. We are booked quite heavily that weekend, but I"m sure we can accommodate your special request.

Sincerely,
Your Staffing Specialist

P.S. - Should you require any other special assistance, please do not hesitate to call us at 1-800-FOOTBALLFANTASYWEEKENDATTHETALICSKA'S. If you can't get through on the 1st dial, please keep trying...someone will be with you shortly.
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I love my family.

When Football Takes Over Your Life.

I may or may not have previously mentioned that Joey is a rabid football fanatic. Like, whoa. He participates in multiple fantasy leagues every year...and as it turns out, he's made the playoffs this year in the league with his crazy fraternity brothers, the BHFFL.

And this was the email he sent out to my family today, prepping them for the activities (or lack thereof) around this weekend's football schedule. Read. Laugh. Enjoy.

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Dear family,

The purpose of this email is to inform you of the following proclamation regarding my status for Sunday, December 26, 2010.

My Fantasy Football Team is in the BHFFL Super Bowl. The championship game of my fantasy league. The pinnacle of weeks and weeks of arduous losses and compelling victories. The Big Game! The Hot Tamale. The “IT” of 2010.

Therefore, I hereby decree beginning Sunday morning 11:00 AM through Sunday evening 11:00 PM I will be unavailable for any activities that do not involve sitting in front of a television watching the greatest show on earth, the National Football League.

Activities including but not limited to: shopping, cleaning, organizing, driving (unless for the sole purpose of getting ice cream), shoveling, eating (unless in front of a television), visiting with guests, making small talk (unless about the status of my fantasy football team), bathing (that’s right, I just may stay in my PJs all day), performing errands, decorating, moving furniture, packing, unpacking, reading (unless it’s the Sunday paper and predominantly the sports section), caroling, moving heavy things, talking on the phone and hard jobs are strictly forbidden.

You are welcomed and encouraged to participate in some or all of the following permissible activities: eating and drinking (within view of the television), surfing the internet, snuggling (with Kristi and Alex only), texting, napping, yelling at the TV after unfavorable plays, jumping up and down in excitement after favorable plays and doing the good luck mojo dance.

In advance of this momentous day of pure NFL enjoyment, I express my extreme appreciation for your tolerance of my football addiction and encourage any efforts you may make to ensure it is nothing short of wondrous.

Thank you,
The President and Team owner of AJ’s Wippos

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And you wonder why he's perfect for me? Pffft.

Oh, and someday I will explain the good luck mojo dance to you. It's ridiculous, but has a 100% effective rate.

Monday...But Not!

Today feels like Monday. The fabulous news for me: it's not. Long weekends are just the best, aren't they?

In related news, I officially became a Fantasy Football Widow (FFW) last week. Joe had count 'em two drafts last week. It's only a matter of time before I lose Alex to the world of the NFL. In the meantime, I bought him the cutest outfit yesterday that says "Daddy's #1 Draft Pick." At least he'll look cute sitting on the couch with his dad, ignoring my very presence.