Friday, April 5, 2013

The combination is obscene.

Oh heyyyyy girl, hey. Remember that one time I told you that story about how we all got the flu and it was the worst four consecutive days in our family's existence? Oh, and remember how then then next day I told you I was also pregnant and feeling like a dumpster fire 24/7?

Oh yeah, put THAT brilliant combination together and make it tango.

What I'm saying is that even when I was feeling better, I wasn't feeling better. The upside to this parade of vomit and nausea is that I haven't gained an ounce in 11 weeks, and baby is doing just fine. The downside is that my current existence and nutrition is totally dependent on buttered toast, Teddy Grahams and water.

But then, in a moment of glory, the other night for dinner I HAD to have a crispy chicken sandwich. Eegads! Food! Sounding delicious! Must. Get. Some. Now. Like, some crispy chicken sandwich magic maker probably should have just delivered it to me in 2.9 seconds with a side of light mayo and fries a-la the freaky fast Jimmy John's commercials. But no, we had to driiiiiiive to Red Robin, where they do make a delicious crispy sandwich and as an added bonus offer bottomless steak fries. Word.

But then, as we pulled into the parking lot and curses if you wouldn't imagine it, CRISPY CHICKEN SANDWICHES ARE NOW MADE BY THE DEVIL. I shall never eat again! More toast! Begone, chickens of the world!

This is my life. In rare, glorious moments, some foods sound amazing and I must have them immediately. But in the time lapse it takes to actually get said food that is not a Teddy Graham to my mouth, something goes horribly wrong and my body denies its very existence and tells my brain that it's made of poison and will likely a) kill me; 2) give me a real show of the gags; and/or c) ruin my life. Or quite possibly a combination of all three.

Because, no. Just no. I like food too much for all this to even be real. 2nd trimester feelings of Super Mom, pleasepleaseplease come soon!


Carrie said...

I love that you have a label that is "vomit." I do not love that you have been experiencing it and feeling as though you could. Stinkin' first trimester...and "case-a-dillas" (which made me laugh out loud, as we have watched our fair share of the ol' Doc around our house, too."

Hope you are feeling better soon!!

Kim and Steve said...

Booo. "Dislike" this post. Although it did remind me of the crazy pregnancy-induced Maui Onion potato chip craving I had 4 years ago. We spent an entire night driving around searching for that specific flavor and when we found an acceptable substitute (Archer Farms brand maui onion) I ate 2/3 of the bag on the spot. Pregnancy cravings are seriously strange.