Sneaky bid-ness.

Please take a moment to study this photo, taken a little over a year ago at a restaurant in Connecticut:

Now, I draw your attention to this photo, taken of my red-plate (more on the meaning of that next week) Mother's Day breakfast a mere two weeks ago. Yes, it was scrumptious.

Notice anything in particular? Hmmm??

MISTER ALEX IS A FOOD THIEF! Note to future dinner dates: watch your plates carefully!

Mid-week stretch.

Here's my favorite Mister Sam-e-oh stretchin' it out. I mean, isn't this how we all feel come 3 p.m on a Thursday? Not quite Friday...but soooooo very close!

Also, please note his ah-doooorable extra chins. I want to nom on them like it's going out of style. You know, in an I'm-his-Aunt-so-it's-totally-not-creepy kind of way.

Mini vacation.

Last weekend we packed it up and headed North for a little family getaway at Zehnder's Splash Village in Frankenmuth.

I won't lie, I was a little hesitant that Alex might be too young...boy was I wrong! He loved exploring and playing in all the areas - even the ones for "bigger" kids. He laughed on the slides, floated in the lazy river and loved squirting Daddy with the red hoses. And every 10 minutes or so when the giant bucket would spill over he would FREAK.OUT. (In a good way.) He was even a little p-i-m-p in the pool, attracting the attention of all the older ladies (does the 'half your age plus seven' rule apply here?). He might have even swam away with a few phone numbers, I just can't be sure.

I didn't get any pictures in the actual waterpark with our camera because the lens kept fogging--but I did snag 2 with my phone. Here's our weekend in pictures:

We started with a yummy lunch at the Frankenmuth Brewery.

I wholeheartedly recommend the fried Oreos.

My boys.

 We had loads of fun in the pool...
...wearing Grammi's flip flops.

Alex and Daddy in the tower.

Hotel rooms are fun because I can wear Mommy's slippers
and Daddy has pillow fights with me!

My friend Lei Lei came to play on Saturday.

It was a great getaway...just what we needed to recharge our batteries. And hello? Who doesn't love a World Famous Zehnder's Chicken Dinner?

Two is too much fun.

It's been awhile since a post has been 100% devoted to my little squirt, so here goes.

He had his 2 year well visit a few weeks ago and is still very long and lean (not sure where he gets it, but encouraging him to ride that wave as long as possible). He just moved into size 4 Pampers and despite the fact that he looks like he's waiting for Noah, 18 month clothes. Thank you summer, for finally arriving. Shorts=best ever for skinny minny. He's my little bigfoot, wearing a size 6 shoe...and I might have shed a few tears last night when I packed away all his size 4 and 5 shoes. All 23 of them. Yes, I have a problem.

Two Years - 28 lbs. 13 oz. (50%ile); 34.75 in. long (75%ile); 49.8 cm. head (25/50%ile)
18 Months - 22 lbs. 14 oz. (10/25th %ile); 32.75 in. long (50/75th %ile);  48 cm. head (50/75th %ile)

In other news, he's seriously the funniest person I know. He loves music, Little Einsteins, Thomas and Special Agent Oso and will tour our house for hours on his knees with anything on wheels. He loves, loves, loves to be outside and would swim all day if we would let him (more on that tomorrow). Giving credit to our amazing daycare provider, Aunt Jane, he can count to 30, knows all his letters, spells his name, talks about the weather, asks/answers questions and knows animals, colors, sounds and shapes. Just a few nights ago, we were walking to the park and he said, "Mommy, I see it!" and I said, "What do you see, Alex?" He points to a flipping stop sign and says, "Octagon, Mommy! Red means stop." And then I died, obviously.

His goodnight prayers are far and away my favorite part of the day. We do "Now I lay me down to sleep..." and at the very end before we say "Amen" he lists all the things he wants God to bless. It usually goes something like, "God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Grammi, and Poppi, and Un-ca Ky-a, and Aunt Chill, and Aunt Kewwi, and Uncle Day-pid, and baby Sam-e-oh, and Nana, and Papa John, and Jake, and fishies, and take a bath, and binky, and Mommy, and Daddy...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand twucks." Always with the trucks. And always, always last...after a long (and often repetitive) list.

As previously mentioned, he's an absolute ham. He loves to play "Knock knock, who's there?" (most especially when I'm in the loo) and will all but make out with himself whenever he sees himself in any reflective surface. He gets that from his Dad. True to his vanity, he also loves to have his "pit-cher" taken. Here's a sampling of his "cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese" faces:

I know. I can't even stand his cuteness. It punches you in the face like a hot pepper hidden in a Chipotle chicken salad. SO DELICIOUS BUT YOU JUST CAN'T STOP.

And there you have it.

ABM3 on your iPad/iTouch/iPhone.

I know, I know, I know. I'm totally hip to the times. And slowly taking over the world...but I digress.

Today I have for you some instructions on how to get the exclusive, limited time, (lies!), one-of-a-kind, magnificent "...and baby makes 3" custom homepage button for your iWhateveryouhave. Like zees:

With just one touch, you will have all of my musings and rants at the ready. Jill and Kelli, I'm talking to you. Joey, you should probably do this too. If for nothing to stroke my ego and prove this wasn't an epic waste of time.

Simply open this little blogeroo the old fashioned way (for the last time - savor it!) and press the "+" key on the bottom of the page (top for iPads). Then select "Add To Home Screen."

My icon should now magically appear! Simply name the button. Something along the lines of "Kristi is crazy" or "Alex is the bomb" should suffice. Or go with the refined, yet traditional "ABM3." Then press "Add" on the top right corner of your screen.

VIOLA! You're welcome.

I could be writing to you from jail.

Because last night, I almost killed someone. For real.

Allow me to set the stage...

The VeeDubs were shopping at our local Meijer store, filling our carts with various items needed for the week ahead. We had just entered the laundry soap aisle and Alex was squealing with delight because we had just given him a Dum Dum sucker to occupy his time and energy.

A spinster in her late 30s rounded the corner and due to a large structure pole of the building and the exact placement of our cart ('buggy' for my East Coast readers) she couldn't get down the aisle.

Joe moved our cart, and just as she passed us Alex squealed again - a cheerful (and loud, I will admit) cry of delight because HE was special enough to get strawberry sugar on a stick from his Momma.

The woman (henceforth referred to as GB=giant bitch) rolled her eyes so far back into her head and threw her hands in the air while audibly scowling with disgust, "I am SO glad I don't have kids."

Oh, GB. You now have Momma Bear's full attention. GAME ON.

My quick-as-a-mousetrap husband beat me to the punch and retorted, "Well, that's probably a good thing because it sounds like you wouldn't be very good at it."

She scooted past us as I responded to Joey (loud enough so she could hear), "Well, she is a delightfully cherry old maid, isn't she?"

After about an 8 second pregnant pause, GB offered another nugget of brilliance, "It looks like you two aren't very good at it either."

I SWEAR TO CHEEZ-ITS, if Joey had not literally pysically restrained me by my arm at that moment, I would have lunged at her jugular and knocked her out cold with a value size bottle of Tide.

I have never, ever, ever been so livid in all my days. How DARE she judge me or my husband and our parenting skills? Alex was not bothering anyone. He was not hitting, punching, cursing, screaming with anger or even running around wildly. He was sitting like a superstar in the front of the cart, nomming on a sucker with the excitement of a two year old little boy. And it's not like we were in the friggin' library. It was a motherflipping supermarket--full of energy, noises, people & families. If you want a sound-proof and uninterrupted shopping experience, get on Alice.com or hire it done. Or wear your headphones like my weird normal sister used to do. Whatever works. But don't get your panties in a bunch when my child is being all kinds of adorable and fun and not disturbing ANYONE but himself.

Even as I type this, my blood pressure is rising...

GB should count her lucky stars we didn't run into her again. I would have either kicked her in the face after I went to the shoe department and put on some spiky cleats or kindly asked her to have a hysterectomy and go home to her cats to live the rest of her days in misery. Or maybe both. I just can't be sure.

Winner, winner, Subway dinner.

I'm trying to be more healthy these days, so KFC and fried chicken just a'int cuttin' it. Stick with me, eh?

Anyway, it's time to annouce the winners of the Time Out mat giveaway from Amy Sews It.

Congratulations to:

Meg from Because I Said So (and Other Mommyisms)

&

Emily from A Daily Dose of the Mitchells

Ladies, hit me up at kveedub[at]gmail[dot]com to claim your prize. And for the rest of you, use code "10spot" to get 10% off anything in Amy's etsy shop! Weeee!!!

TIME. OUT.

Brace yourselves, folks. It's giveaway time around these parts!

Glances left.

The ever-so-creative Momma of 3, Amy of Amy Sews It has graciously offered TWO ABM3 readers the chance to win one of her super kick arse time out mats.

The design, while uber simple in nature, is actually quite brilliant. I ordered mine about 2 weeks ago after a long hunt that stretched to the corners of amazon, etsy and ebay (and everywhere in between) to find the perfect product. Here's what I love:

• It's small enough to take with us wherever we go. And we go a lot of places. It's also diaper-bag/purse friendly because of the ribbon tie design.
• It's washable. Kids = messy. Washable = good.
• Her fabrics are SUPER cute. (And she can do custom orders!)
• Alex's time outs are now more consistent. No matter where we are, he knows that the blue mat is where it's at.

So back to my original point: TWO of you are going to WIN one of your own! There are up to 4 ways to enter--do one or do them all, but be sure to leave a comment for each separate entry. It's not rocket science, promise.

1. Be a public follower of ABM3.
2. Visit Amy's etsy shop and tell me which fabric or product is your fave. Umm, like her awesomesauce hats! Or these!
3. Post a linky to Amy's shop on YOUR facebook page.
4. Tweet about this giveaway.

Giveaway ends at midnight on May 11. I'll announce TWO winners on May 12.

And because I think it's hilarious that you can truly find anything online, please visit ehow's advice on how to effectively use time outs "Super Nanny" style. That's how we roll.

...stay tuned, because if you don't end up winning, Amy's going to offer a special discount to ABM3 readers!

Advice for Moms, albeit unsolicited.

This blog is not a political forum. In fact, I'm quite sure that if you go back and read every single one of my posts from start to finish, you will find nothing even remotely political in nature. I roll my eyes at Joey when he posts his rants and raves all over Facebook, because for me, it's a private matter. You have your opinions, and I have mine. This blog isn't for red vs. blue. It's for wedge vs. heel, pacifier vs. thumb, margarita vs. wine ...and the like.

HOWEVER, when I read this post from Clemsongirl today, I was moved to tears. Literally. Since Alex is so small, I never really thought about the impact recent events have had on parents that have to explain these things to their children. I'm of the parenting 'world of truth,' and when Alex is old enough to comprehend such matters of the world, I will be open, honest and age-appropriate with him, just as Clemsongirl was with her cutie patooties, Jack (8) and Ryan (10).

I think as a network of Moms, it's important to lean on one another and get advice from those who have lived it, talked the talk and walked the walk. I'm willing and eager to learn from those who have been in the trenches of Motherhood and earned those badges of honor. Some of the best tricks I know were nuggets of wisdom from other Mommies...and in some way, I like to think that's part of the circle of life. You give. You get. And everybody's better because of it.

So thanks, Clemsongirl, for being open and honest with your kids. I couldn't agree with you more - God bless America and God bless our children.

Life as I will forever know it.

On this, the first day of May, as I sit in the basement with two boys - one glued to the Red Wings game and the other rapidfiring holes through the knees of his jammies in what is quite possibly his 90th lap around the couch with his "fiohtwuck" - I'm reminded that my life is full of smelly boys. (But I love it, remember?)

Anyway, here's the knowledge his Dad is imparting on him at a mere two years of age. Note he's not differentiating the art of wedge vs. pump. Le sigh...

I'm also realizing that I've posted more videos on le blog in the last few weeks than I have...well...ever. That's mostly because I'm trying to get more use out of my Flip camera (which I love and is also, sadly, never being sold again. So get yours now for like 5 pennies at Target while you still can). Oh, and also because most every picture I have is blurry because Captain Movesalot's current record of sitting still is at a whopping .7 seconds. Cheerio!