Monday, August 26, 2013

Pregnancy ain't pretty.

I'm sure if I sat here long enough I could come up with a laundry list of reasons why pregnancy is the most beautiful thing the galaxy. But in the here and now (see also: 31 weeks), the single good thing I can think of about pregnancy is the outcome itself. And even that can be questionable (see also: when your 4 year old learns that boogers and farts are funny).

And so, because I don't think I've done nearly enough complaining around here lately to keep you properly entertained, I give you my current top 5 list of things about pregnancy that can take a long walk off a short bridge. In no particular order, since I hate them all equally:

  1. Leg cramps. Dear GOD the leg cramps. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night fearing my actual leg is being hacked off at the knee. And I eat my fair share of bananas, yo.
  2. Pee. I'm not quite sure how pregnancy plumbing works, but I know it's real different from not-pregnant plumbing. All I do is pee. All the times. Peeing. Every minute. Of every day.
  3. Pelvic stompings. With each and every step I take (which is a lot...please see #2) Harper knocks on my pelvis as if to ask, "May I come out yet?" I tell her YES every damn time, but allegedly she's playing a mean game of "ring and run" on me. Not cool, Harper. Not cool.
  4. Food in general. Five minutes ago I wanted a granola bar. Now? I'm pretty sure granola is the worst idea, ever. This is the story of mealtime for me, 3 times a day, 7 days a week.
  5. Clothes. Every single piece of maternity clothing ever made can go straight to hell as far as I'm concerned. The pants? Don't stay up. The shirts? Annoyingly too short or too boobalicious or too full of ridiculous bows or frill. The dresses? Miu mius, the lot of 'em.
I could probably take this list up to 100, but we'll keep it at 5 today so I have some more material for other posts. Ciao, gotta pee.


Dawn said...

My sister-in-law had great success with drinking a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar at night to help with leg cramps. I'd rather have the leg cramps, but for what it's worth I feel the need to share this...

Kim and Steve said...

I know I should be more encouraging, but the memories are still so fresh...