Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Letter To My Son.

My dear, sweet baby boy Alex:

Time is passing so quickly. Mere months ago you were just a drooling, pooping lump on a log and today you are (hesitantly) walking, talking and exploring new things faster than your Daddy and I can keep up. And as you continue to grow and blossom into a playful toddler and eventually into an impressionable young teen, I would like to make one thing perfectly, vividly clear: You will not grow up to be an asshat. As your mother, I will simply not allow it.

That took a turn you weren't expecting, didn't it?

Over the holiday weekend, your father and I took you to some festivals and carnivals around Michigan. And while we had fun exposing you to new things (fireworks!) and feeding you fabulous carnie food (elephant ears!), we did not particularly approve of the example that the current youth of America was setting for you.

So here are some general rules as to what you WILL and WILL NOT do, based on our recent experiences: You will grow up and be kind to young ladies, and will not call them explicit, demeaning names in public (or private, for that matter). You will wear your pants above your rear end and will not expose your underwear to the world. You will say kind things like 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me,' and will not shout obscene things in the silence of a break in the fireworks and think it's funny. You will have a nice girlfriend who wears appropriate clothing and you will hold her hand and open doors for her, and will not dry hump her on a blanket in the middle of a public park.

These are just a few of the rules I'm laying down right here and now. For obvious reasons, this list will continue to grow as you do - and will probably be 1,379 items long by the time you're twelve. But you know what? You will be a fantastic young man. A young man that your father and I are proud of, and a young man that we will someday send off into the world, knowing we did our best.

But until then, the "no becoming an asshat" rules are all in effect. Starting now.

Love forever and ever and ever +3,
Mommy

5 comments:

aapuzzanchera said...

This is precious! Absolutely hilarious too!

Jennifer Thornton said...

Truly my new fave word ... asshat! Love it!!

And I completely agree ... the youth of today is seriously in need of some PARENTING!! My mother would have laid me out flat if I acted the way some of the girls do today ... and those boys?! I saw a boy wearing a swimsuit over boxers on the beach ... hanging down to his knees. No reason for that business!

I know Alex will grow up to be a respectable man with excellent morals and confidence to rise above the pitiful trends of our younger cultures ... you two are excellent parents and he's a smart boy!!

Liz said...

oh my, best post ever.

KimnSteve said...

This entry made me miss the Bay City fireworks for the first time in years!

Andrea said...

Word! Brad and I discuss things we will not allow our child to do when they get older and he/she's not even done baking yet. :)