Monday, January 23, 2012

A variety show, of sorts.

Starring: my Middle Finger. I've been using it a lot lately, in many forms.


The Verbal Middle Finger
Implied by the tone of my voice. Used in various supermarket encounters with rude individuals and also on the phone recently with my health care provider.

The Facial Expression Middle Finger
This is a special form of the MF, exacerbated by my dark features and laser beam-capable eyes. This one is reserved for those people that still write checks in the supermarket line and Michiganians that always seem to forget how to drive come the first snowfall.

The Literal Middle Finger
Used during the January 12 episode of Grey's Anatomy. Extensively.

The Body Language Middle Finger
Also referred to as the cold shoulder, though the BLMF is a much more rare creature. This one is typically reserved for meetings during which I am annoyed and also when service providers (see also: stylist, manicurist, physicians) are running obscenely late for my scheduled appointment time.

The Incognito Middle Finger
This one marks some of my best work. I have honed these skills over many, many years. You wouldn't even know when I'm doing it because I'm overtly sweet, as if to cover up the fact that I want to tear your face off. See also: situations in which I cannot win.

End scene.

I think I have a lot of issues to work out.