The peer pressure of Greek yogurt.

I genuinely consider myself to be a trendy person. I like to at least know what the cool kids are up to, even if I don't actually participate in the reindeer games. (See also: Uggs, leggings & ombre hair.)

And this new cultural craze around Greek yogurt is something even I cannot ignore. So says advertising and the Internets (and we all know if the Internets say so that it MUST be true!): It's healthy! It's full of calcium! It's exotic & creamy and LOOK! John Stamos even says so!

And, seriously. If John Stamos says I should do it, I'm going to listen. Simple as that.

Let's be clear: I love, love, love the Ben & Jerry's version of Greek Yogurt. So why wouldn't I like the original gangster versions from the likes of Chobani, Fage, Oikos and other ridiculous brand names that no one in their right mind can actually pronounce? 

The quick answer? BECAUSE IT IS AWFUL.

People, I tried. I honestly did. I wanted so badly to fit in with the cool kids and have a trendy and delightful snack of Greek yogurt around 11 am, pulled from a thirty-one monogrammed lunch bag just before I performed a brisk walk around campus in my Lulu Lemon spandex and then sped off in a white Lexus SUV. But here's the thing: I don't have a thirty-one lunch bag; Greek yogurt is awful; spandex is a privilege, not a right; and damnit, I drive American and white cars are awful.

Ask the nice men and women at Kroger: I've purchased every brand, every flavor. It blows. It tastes like sour cream because it IS sour cream. With fruit. And even John Stamos can't trick me of that. Sour cream belongs on nachos, baked potatoes, tacos, chili and other savory, non-breakfast item. 

I caved to the peer pressure and look how it turned out for me. Probably $30 wasted on pretend, fruit sour cream and roughly 20 activations of my gag reflex. John Stamos? You've lied to me. I feel so very, very betrayed. It's a good thing you still have that hair and those dimples, otherwise we'd be finished. FINISHED, I tell you.

Now, back to watching 'Full House' reruns and dreaming of the good ol' days...