Thursday, October 11, 2012

The peer pressure of Greek yogurt.

I genuinely consider myself to be a trendy person. I like to at least know what the cool kids are up to, even if I don't actually participate in the reindeer games. (See also: Uggs, leggings & ombre hair.)

And this new cultural craze around Greek yogurt is something even I cannot ignore. So says advertising and the Internets (and we all know if the Internets say so that it MUST be true!): It's healthy! It's full of calcium! It's exotic & creamy and LOOK! John Stamos even says so!

And, seriously. If John Stamos says I should do it, I'm going to listen. Simple as that.

Let's be clear: I love, love, love the Ben & Jerry's version of Greek Yogurt. So why wouldn't I like the original gangster versions from the likes of Chobani, Fage, Oikos and other ridiculous brand names that no one in their right mind can actually pronounce? 

The quick answer? BECAUSE IT IS AWFUL.

People, I tried. I honestly did. I wanted so badly to fit in with the cool kids and have a trendy and delightful snack of Greek yogurt around 11 am, pulled from a thirty-one monogrammed lunch bag just before I performed a brisk walk around campus in my Lulu Lemon spandex and then sped off in a white Lexus SUV. But here's the thing: I don't have a thirty-one lunch bag; Greek yogurt is awful; spandex is a privilege, not a right; and damnit, I drive American and white cars are awful.

Ask the nice men and women at Kroger: I've purchased every brand, every flavor. It blows. It tastes like sour cream because it IS sour cream. With fruit. And even John Stamos can't trick me of that. Sour cream belongs on nachos, baked potatoes, tacos, chili and other savory, non-breakfast item. 

I caved to the peer pressure and look how it turned out for me. Probably $30 wasted on pretend, fruit sour cream and roughly 20 activations of my gag reflex. John Stamos? You've lied to me. I feel so very, very betrayed. It's a good thing you still have that hair and those dimples, otherwise we'd be finished. FINISHED, I tell you.

Now, back to watching 'Full House' reruns and dreaming of the good ol' days...

8 comments:

Lindsey Wolfe said...

YES! It is sooo sooo sooo gross! I too have tried this nonsense. Nothing to write home about!

Sarah and J said...

Oh how I am glad you are back. :)

Kim and Steve said...

You crack me up! You have me curious about the frozen Greek yogurt now...

Rachel said...

Oh I am SOOOO happy that someone else hates it! And my husband told me a completely true story about a guy who put his man juices into some of the yogurt and passed it out during free sample time at the store. That's all I ever think about when I see it!

Jackie D. said...

HAHAHAHA. I guess I can't beat on Tim anymore. I bought him greek yogurt and he told me it taste funny. I told him he was making it up because he never wants to try anything new. Turns out maybe he is right :) I feel bad - I guilted him into eating it so we wouldn't waste it. LOL.

Abby said...

I can't do the plain stuff, but if it has fruit I can eat it. Oh, and the fat free stuff, because the full fat versions does things to my throat I'm not comfortable thinking about. I'd much rather have my yoplait though!

Jennifer SMITH said...

Oh I LOvE Greek yogurt .... But I understand. I in fact way sour cream .... Sooo ... Ya. I use it as sour cream on nachos and tacos and stuff, cuz it IS healthier than regular sour cream....

Lindsay said...

You are amazing, hilarious and trendy, indeed. I don't even know what a "thirty one lunch bag" ...or whatever... is. I love you.