Make mine a triple.

So I've had what can only be described as the world's loudest Superbowl Halftime show/Monster Truck Jam/any Russel Crowe movie that involves lots of fighting/swords and very little hygiene stomping through my skull since....oh, Thursday.

It is the living worst.

And I REFUSE to be a person who gets migraines. I simply refuse. I've tried everything from chiropractic to inexplicable doses of caffeine to sinus meds to massage and nothing makes the pulsating in my eyeballs go away. In what can only be described as my greatest move of desperation, I also went to the hippie dark side and had Joe rub lemongrass oil on me. The result? I smelled like Pledge and still had a headache. So that was helpful.

I'm giving my beloved chiropractor two more days, and then I'm seeing a "real" doctor. I'm sure she'll only want to medicate me and not actually find the source of the problem, which is very uncool. But I will not say no to some Valium, let's be clear on that.

And because you read the above and wasted 3-5 minutes of your life depending on your reading level, here's what you really come here for:

And also, this:

I get the message, mall marketing people. I really do. But if you're specifically catering to young people, you can't use double entendres. You just can't.