Workplace 101.

1. Take all personal calls (yes, this includes job interviews) in the hallway. Or a conference room.
2. Do not clip your nails at your desk. Do I really need to say this again?
3. Wear deodorant.
4. Do not wear copious amounts of perfume. Or cologne.
5. Do not make up words. It definitely does NOT make you sound smarter.
6. Unless you literally work in the healthcare field, you are not saving lives. Don't act like you are.
7. Leave your smelly lunches at home. See also: tuna, thai food, questionable meats.
8. Reply when someone says 'hello' back in the elevator. You can even grunt it. I promise it won't kill you. Unless you are a zombie. Then, just stay away.
9. If my headphones are in, it's likely that I'm ignoring you on purpose.
10. If you're not laughing at least twice a day, you're not doing it right.

It really is that simple, people.