That one time I ran and wasn't being chased by a bear.

I have this friend. Her name is Keliann and she tricks me into agreeing to do things that I would otherwise probably not do. Like running. She has big boobs and I think she uses them to hypnotize me, but whatever.

Keliann convinced me that a 5K on my resume would be a good thing. "You'll be so proud of yourself!" she swore to me. And to make her argument more compelling, she insisted that it should be a Color Run. Because, you know, they're fun.

And so, during the wee hours of this most recent Saturday morning, I put on some ridiculously obnoxious spandex pants (violation of life #1) and a white tee shirt (#2) and ran (#3) ~3.1 miles to a loud and colorful finish line.

And you know what? It was sort of fun. And I almost liked it.

In no way does this classify me as a "runner" and you can also take it to the bank that I ate nothing but Dairy Queen the following day as a reward because all my parts and pieces hurt...but I DID it.

Thunder and lightning.

I think we left off the Vegas storytelling somewhere around Saturday, right? That morning we did what any self-respecting 30-somethings would do on a weekend getaway: SPA DAY.

We're smart and savvy shoppers, so instead of paying bajillions of dollars for a 10 second massage on the strip, we ordered ourselves a Groupon for a spa day at the Hilton at Lake Las Vegas. I KNOW. So brills. A Zip Car ride later and we were in paradise. Facial. Massage. Sauna. Steam room. Healing waters. Lunch with champagne! Ahhhh.

After being satisfyingly relaxed (Caitlin might have proposed marriage to her masseuse), we got ourselves back to the Strip and prepped for another night of debauchery.

Dinner was at Crush at the MGM Grand and is probably on my top 10 list for life meals. If you find yourself there, get the sea bass, and that's not an Austin Powers joke. And for your general amusement, a dinner selfie:

Ooohh and if you're wondering what those dresses look like from the boobs down, keep reading.

Our next and final stop in Vegas was the Thunder from Down Under "show" at the Excalibur. Oh my. I've never seen so many......bachelorette parties in all my life! Legit it was a wild and fun (and surprisingly tasteful!) night. Caitlin and I achieved our singular goal, which was getting one of the two Scottish grandmas that were sitting next to us on stage for a little song and lapdance. Her 7 grandchildren would be so proud.

It is my life's wish that everyone has a bestie like mine. Someone to laugh with, cry with, and scream "Don't bring your children to Vegas!" with at strangers pushing strollers while walking down the Strip at midnight. Another epic trip for the books.

Hump Day, Bump Day!

bV is the size of a pineapple!
She's about 15.2 to 16.7 inches long and weighs about 2.5 to 3.8 pounds this month. She's getting so big, she's probably crowding your lungs. Understatement of the world.

bV at 31 weeks:
- She's going through major brain and nerve development.
- Eye development, too. Her irises now react to light! All five of her senses are in working order.
via thebump.com

In a super dee duper fun turn of events, Harper was absolutely blessed with a surprise sprinkle (a smaller, more intimate baby "shower" after your first baby...sprinkle/shower....get it?!?) on Saturday. Mom, Jill, Kelli, the boys and I came home from a yummy lunch at Qdoba to find my driveway full of my closest friends and family. My bestie, Caitlin, FLEW here all the way from DC and we were able to Facetime with Lindsay who's on preggo house arrest with twins! And yes, I cried.

The girls absolutely nailed the theme, as you can see here by the invitations:

I was overwhelmed at the amount of planning and thought put into every last detail (they took a giant margarita machine INTO 7-11 and filled it with REAL Slurpee!), and I am so thankful to everyone who came and especially to Mom, Kelli, Jill and Keliann for thinking of me and Harper and pulling off such a GREAT surprise. To say this little girl is spoiled is the understatement of a LIFETIME.

Meet Steve.

I cordially invite you to meet Steve the Squirrel. He comes by every Sunday to have a nice snack of nuts and seeds on our back steps. Sometimes, if we're feeling gourmet, he even gets almonds! He's become quite friendly over the last few months, coming really close to eating right out of our hands. I'm legit so scared he's going to somehow get in the house and just make himself at home one of these days.

Steve's our pal and we think he's pretty cool. He's also the closest thing Alex is going to have to a pet for the next 5 years, so there's that.

And please excuse my snowman doormat. We're getting our patio poured back there in a few weeks (!!!)and I've just been too lazy to put a spring/summer one out, knowing I'll just have to bring it inside in 2 shakes.

The best best friend a girl could have.

On Friday evening as I was completing my nightly ritual of facewashing followed by 432,890,432 lotions and potions to prevent premature aging and wrinkles, I had the living shit scared out of me by a near 6 ft. ginger who just magically appeared in my bathroom.

OMG. My bestie circa 1995 hopped a plane from DC to surprise me for the weekend! I've never been so happy to almost crap my pants in all my life.

After I regained consciousness and started breathing again, we spent our weekend doing what all besties do: mani/pedis, copious amounts of shopping, delicious lunches and dinners, planning my next trip to DC and reading bedtime stories to one very special boy who was simply delighted to have Aunt Caitlin visiting.

If you ask me what happened the night this photo was taken, I will have to kill you. Have a nice day.

I realize that not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend who pretty much knows your whole life. It's an easy kind of friendship--you never have to explain stories or people from tour past, and whether it's been 40 minutes or 40 days since our last phone call, it honestly doesn't matter. As an added bonus, she just intuitively knows when to hop on a plane and scare the beans out of me. Probably because she's a lawyer. 

#VW3040.

Although you never, ever need an excuse to have a kickass party, sometimes it's nice to have one. Take, for instance, the #VW3040--otherwise known as the most epic event of 2013.

On Saturday we gathered 40 of our dearest friends and family and had the BEST time celebrating our entrance into two very distinguished decades. There were drinks, foods, prizes, shenanigans and best of all...a dollar store "photo booth."

I think we'll do this again for the #VW4050 (OMG it lierally hurt me to type that) but I think we'll be in Mexico. On the beach. Wearing a sombrero. Drinking tequila. The sombrero and tequila will carry over from the #VW3040.

Fiiiiiiiiive.

No time for shenanigans today. We have carpet! Appliances come tomorrow! Inspection Monday! Moving Tuesday! My life is in boxes! My head is spinning! I love exclamations! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

In case I don't resurface for awhile, here's something to keep you busy. My dear friend Natalie is in the running to win $250 from a local Auto Dealership and needs a few more comments on her photo to win. Click here (it's a Facebook album) and comment "Summer Fun" on the 4th photo (the one of the boy and his gpa on the dock...also pictured below) to help her seal the deal! Only one comment per person, so you just have to do it once. Gracias, amigas.

Red, white and awesome.

It is my firm belief that there are 3 things that can elevate a woman's sense of self confidence in a nanosecond or less.

1) Red high heels.

2) White teeth.  

3) The right attitude.

Last Friday night, I donned all three (courtesy of a recent Crest Whitestrips application and Chinese Laundry red patent heels) for a night on the town with friends.

Because there should always be a reason to celebrate, we were toasting away the evening to my bff, Caitlin, who is packing up and moving to DC now that she's a lawyer to do grown up things for Obama. Or something.

Anyway, a splendid time was had by all. And I did shots with a polar bear--a feat even Charlie Sheen might envy. True story.

Obviously, I'm not 21 anymore.

My bf Caitlin graduated from Cooley Law School on Saturday. (Applause!!)

Obviously, since I'm her #1 fan, I was most definitely in the audience to whoop it up as she waltzed across the stage in her fabulous silver heels.

And obviously, I was also there to buy her shot after shot after shot to celebrate her achievements.

And obviously, we totally got kicked out of the bar.*

And obviously, I totally threw up that night.

And obviously, I paid for it the next morning.

Moral(s) of the story: My bf is the smartest ever and I am so proud of her. Additionally, I am no longer 21 and should probably not attempt a similar celebration in the near future. Also? Momma's still got it...in that a young suitor offered to buy me a drink!

*Let the record state that it was not our actions but the words of someone in our party that actually got him thrown out of the bar. Literally. We just had to leave with him because otherwise he would have ended up upside down in a trashcan somewhere on a sketchy corner in downtown Lansing.

Fabulous Five.

Thanks to Trop50 for sponsoring my writing about fabulous bloggers. This year Trop50 is granting 50 fabulous wishes. Click here to enter for a chance to win $1,000 to help grant a friend's wish!

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Some of my favorite words start with the letter 'f'. Fabulous. Family. Friends. That one when I stub my toe. And today, I thought I would share with you Five of my Favorite bloggers. We're all a community here, so why not share the love?

1. Heir to Blair. Honestly, this should come as NO surprise to any of you, since I link up to her hilariousness about once a week. If she 'n Harrison aren't already in your feed, you need to hop on it ay-sap. She's a fabulous, fun writer (working mom!) with a bit of Southern Charm and sass...and is always, always good for a laugh when her mad Microsoft Paint skills come out. Oh, and it helps that her son, Harrison, is 17 flavors of adorable.

2. Harper's Happenings. I believe I actually stalked found Mandy and her little corner of the internets through Blair's blog, though I most likely cannot confirm this. Anyway, "The Haps" is another of my daily reads. Her lack of capital letters and love of narwhals are charming, and her daughter basically should be the poster child for cute kids everywhere. Oh, and in her spare time she also manages to author the Kidlet blog (fun and cool things for kids!) and last year opened her online vintage shop, Opal. And maybe there was that one time I called her my White Oprah. Just saying.

3. From Marriage to Motherhood. I've been 'ooh-ing' and 'aahh-ing' over Jessica's blog since way back when it was titled "An Atlanta Bride." At that time, she was blogging about her ah-maz-ing wedding (Seriously, it was ridiculous. The Knot Atlanta even gave her a four page spread!). Since then, she has managed to evolve her blog as her life has changed--chronicling her pregnancy and the birth of her beautiful daughter, Ilah. (Isn't that a great name?!?) Anyway, Jessica's blog (and heart) is truly a thing of beauty. She spices things up with home tours, letters to her daughter and many, many pictures. But be warned...reading through her posts about her daughter's recent 1st birthday party will most likely make you feel like a failure as a Mother.

4. Clemsongirl and the Coach. Oh where oh where to begin with Clemsongirl? She's as real as real can be...and since her boys are older, reading her posts usually feels like I'm getting a VIP sneak peak at my future. But if I can have it half as together as her and still be snarky and fabulous like Jenn, I'm in. Oh, and if you've ever heard me reference "Dietwhateversonsale," I totally stole that from her. Credit where credit is due, and all that jazz.

5. Money Saving Mom. This is actually one of about 5 "couponing" sites that I follow, and many of the freebies and great coupons I share with y'all from time to time are shamelessly stolen from Crystal. Oh, and get this: she and her husband paid cash for their first home. Yes, you read that right. Cash. Not to say that's a feat that everyone can accomplish just by rockin' some P&G Brandsaver coupons at Target, but like I always say....every little bit counts!

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Don't forget to enter the 50 Fabulous Wishes contest for a chance to win $1,000 to support a friend's wish.

I was selected for this Tropicana Trop50 sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do. I received compensation to use and facilitate my post.

Sans Pants Pam.

I have a new friend and her name is Pam. She's an absolute delight. We share a love of Frill, fabulous shoes, snark, proper grammar/spelling and sparkly accessories.

Recently, I've learned that Pammy Pie has a nickname on the streets of Detroit. She's known as "Sans Pants Pam" to those in her circle. At first, I thought this nickname was merely a reference to pranks played on a drunken college night involving a Sharpie, warm water and some Cool Whip. However, it's recently come to light that this is, in fact, a literal nickname.

She owns NO pants.

Zilch. Zero. Nada. Not one pair. No sweats. No jeans. No slacks. No pantalones. Whatever you want to call them, she a'int got none. How about that proper grammar, hmmm?

At first, I thought she was throwing me some super sized hyperbole. You know, like she prefers to wear dresses and skirts and only busts out the jeans and sweats on the weekends. FALSE. She literally owns ZERO pants.

This spurred the following back-and-forth interrogation. All the while, my jaw was on the floor.

"How do you lounge?"
- Cotton maxi dresses

"Shovel snow?"
- Warm tights with Uggs. (Yeah, I'll have to circle back on the whole Uggs thing...)

"Outdoor activities?"
- Garden and mow the lawn in a dress.

"Work out?"
- Work out and walk on the treadmill in a dress. (I can't even imagine the chafing!)

"Ice skating at Campus Martius Park?"
- Sweater tights with a mini.

This went on for the better part of thirty minutes until I had literally thrown every pants-requiring scenario at her and was consistently shut down. I honestly cannot believe she owns not one pair of pants. Not even a single pair of Mavis that make her ass look like a dream.

Sans Pants Pam, you are an anomaly to me, but I love you in spite of it.

Weekend Shenanigans.

It was a kid-free kinda weekend at the VeeDub house. Thank you, Grammi and Poppi. And what did we do about it? Did we take hardcore advantage of the time to mow the yard that so desperately needs it? To prep the flower boxes for planting? Or any of the 964 other things on our "honey do" list?

Oh hellz-to-the-no. We slept until 10 am. Ate at restaurants where 12 month old children are generally frowned upon (here). Drank Red Bull & Vodka and chatted with friends over copious amounts of sushi (here). Watched CSI Miami on DVR until I could no longer take Horatio Caine and his overly dramatic one-liners seriously. Shopped without a stroller and diaper bag (here). AND IT WAS GLORIOUS.

But at the end of the weekend, it was nice to have Alex back and settle back in as a family over some Pizza Hut and Oberon. Oh, and about 5 loads of laundry that I successfully avoided until Sunday evening.

Which reminds me...it's Oberon Season, people. If you were born in a barn (or, alternatively, didn't receive an undergraduate degree from the great University that is Western Michigan), I urge you to hightail it on over to your local pub and holler to le bartender to fetch you a tall glass of ice cold heaven. Mmmmm, Oberon.

Monday Greetings.

My weekend was abso-toot-ely fantabulous. I got to spend time with many fantastic girlie friends (in tandem with copious amounts of drinking) and tonight my long lost dear Jamie is coming over for dinner and some Alex snuggle time. Seriously, I love my life.

In addition to the above, we also witnessed two major milestones from one Mister Alex Joseph Van Wormer this weekend. Behold:

1) He is now "for real" crawling. Since December, he's been doing this dragalong thing that generally albeit not so efficiently got him from point A to point B. It wasn't really "hand. knee. hand. knee." crawling - more of a belly scoot using both hands and his right foot to propel him forward in very short spurts. Mark it down in your baby books, people - he's officially a crawler, with all the coordination and speed that comes with it. Video to accompany at some point this week, pending his cooperation with the camera.

2) As if that wasn't enough, he also can now pull himself up. He only did it once, and it was very short lived. But it happened. From the sitting position, he grabbed his little toy table with all his might and pulled himself onto his tippity toes and balanced in the matrix for maybe 4 seconds until he fell to a disappointing pile on the floor. He's definitely a long way from walking, but it's something!

FRIDAY!

I am so excited that today is Friday for the manymany reasons I shall list henceforth: (I love that word.)

1. A group of girlie friends are coming over tonight for fondue and cosmos. NO BOYS ALLOWED! Joey and Alex will be banished to the upstairs and only allowed to show their countenances when they deliver us cocktails. I even have a bell to ring when our glasses are empty. Muah ha ha...

2. Tomorrow, my blonde counterpart is flying in from the Windy City to visit and deliver my newest 1154 Lill creation. Scads of shopping, wine consumption and tickling of Alex will be on the menu for the day. Yes, she loves me enough to fly here for the day.

3. Today begins le countdown - 2 weeks until we're on a plane to visit Kelli and David! Does anyone have a magical time machine that will make the next two weeks breeze by? I can pay you in Starbuckies.

Speaking of Starbuckies, my morning java got cold and I'm still drinking it. Here's my conundrum for the day: I love iced coffee, but I hate hot coffee when it gets cold. That's weird.

Looking For Me?

Currently, I can be found behind the wall of Post-it® notes covering my desk, steering wheel and wallet.

There is nothing in my line of sight right now that doesn't have a sticky on it. True story.

I'm leaving for a work trip tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn, followed by a whirlwind 12 hours at home, and then I'm off on a weekend trip to Chicago to see some of my girls. Can't wait for that part!!!

Thus, the only shred of sanity I have left is being balanced by a sea of 3x3 yellow pieces of moderately sticky paper acting as chicken-scratch reminders of all the tasks I have to complete before midnight tonight. Presentations to print. Things to pack. People to email. Hotels to schedule. Flights to confirm. Calm to maintain.

Utter chaos. And secretly, I love it.

In other news, my Glee CD came in the mail on Friday. It's been on repeat since then. No joke. The fact that Joe was buzzing around the house this morning singing "Defying Gravity" proves it. It looks like there's another one coming out soon...

New sticky --> Research Glee CD part 2.

Morning Announcements.

Kind of like the high school kind, only without the Vice Principal's annoyingly squeaky voice and unnerving penchant for clicking her tounge in the middle of random words.

First up: BABIES! Congrats to Keliann and Michael on the birth of little Miss Abigail Mae. She's basically ADORABLE and I will be able to prove this in person tonight when I GO VISIT HER. :) I'm superdeeduperdeeduper excited. And, I will probably cry when I hold her because it will be too hard to believe Alex was ever that little.

Next: LUNCHTIME! And we're not talking crappy frozen chicken sandwiches, a sorry excuse for french fries and expired chocolate milk that tastes like cardboard. I'm talking super delicious food from Mind Body Spirit in downtown Rochester. But it's not the food I'm excited about...it's the company. My dear friend Karen Marina back in the land of the free and the home of the brave for a hot minute and I get to steal her for lunch!

Finally: ARTS AND CRAFTS! It seems I have far too many crafty friends. I've already raved about the brilliance that is Jackie of bleu soleil design, and now I must brag about Jamie from be.love(d). Basically I adore her from head to toe and now she's putting all of that hotness into some amazing pieces of canvas. It's gorgeous stuff. Ch-ch-check her out on Etsy.

And that, childrens, completes your announce(tounge click)ments for today. Enjoy!