...and baby makes 3!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T06:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday, Samuel!

2012-02-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

My goodness, I can't believe it's been a YEAR since I frenetically got on a plane to Connecticut to meet my sweet nephew, Samuel, for the first time. My, how time flies.

Happy birthday, sweet boy! I cannot believe you are ONE!

Food truck MADNESS.

2012-02-09T11:24:00.001-05:00

If you're my pal on Facebook, you know that last night was one of the best nights of my culinary life. The fine city of Royal Oak, Michigan, hosted its first evah Michigan Mobile Food Vendors Association food-truck rally. Eight (count 'em EIGHT) trucks were all parked in and around the Farmer's Market downtown. BRILLIANT. Over 3,000 people attended and all but one truck ran out of food over the course of the 3 hour event.

It. Was. Awesome.

Well, waiting in line for over an hour for street tacos and confit pork belly was NOT awesome (cue impatient 2 year old). But it was so fun to see a community coming out in droves to support local business (and charity! all tips went to a good cause). It was MADNESS in there. Exhibits A and B:

For those counting, I'm up to a grand total of 5 in my quest for "30 b4 30." I know that's not a lot...but the good news is that Royal Oak will be hosting this event the first Wednesday of every month, so I will have the opportunity to hit up all of the trucks we didn't have time/patience to wait for.

Waiting in line at El Guapo.

In summary: I love food. And I'm also impatient.

Hi, Uncle Kyle!

2012-02-06T14:04:00.000-05:00

From: Little Brother
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2012 1:43 PM
To: Me
Subject: :)

I need a blog update please! I have the case of the Mondays and have checked it like 4 times today hoping!

-LOVE,
ME

__________________________

...and to think that he (a teacher) tells ME I have too much free time at work.

Pffft.

Happy birthday to the best Mom and Grammi in the WORLD!

2012-01-31T11:31:00.002-05:00

We love you!!

Lies, lies, lies!

2012-01-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

So I bought a new scale this weekend, because Alex enjoyed pressing the "beeper button" on my old one and sadly, it went to the curb in Friday's garbage takeout.

Anyway, this new scale is an asshole and tells out-and-out LIES. It gets the literal middle finger.

I suppose it's time to make friends with the treadmill again. More hair sweat is required.

You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done.

2012-01-26T16:46:00.002-05:00

Anyway, I promise I have a point here. As many a true drama queen would say...YOU GUISE! I HAVE BIG NEWS!

I recently took a big step in the world of being a grown up and also doing things I am afraid of and had my very first laser hair removal appointment. You know...down there.

Yes! I did it! And GUESS WHAT? It was fantastical! I saw ponies! And unicorns! And things on sale at MAC! (Ok, that never happens, but still. You see my point.)

I can't believe I didn't do this sooner. It will take 6 treatments to be totally swimsuit ready, but I seriously cannot wait. I will never have to have another godforsaken bikini wax ever in my entire life. Aaaand, I can take all of the people who ever gave me a bikini wax off my hit list and burn their voodoo dolls--it seems so cleansing! Why did I wait until I was freaking twenty freaking nine? Ugh. I will probably also feel the same way about Lasik once I am brave enough to do that. But baby steps, here.

In related news, I should also profess that I cannot be held responsible if you try this treatment and feel vast amounts of pain. I may or may not have consumed one of Joey's Tylenol 3s leftover from his shoulder surgery prior to being zapped with the laser. I plead the fifth.

Applause. More applause. Curtain call.

2012-01-25T18:21:00.002-05:00

Some of you may or may not know that I have a bit of a theatrical past. The "theater bug" bit me when I was about 14--and I think I did well over 20 shows from that time until my freshman year in college. I've played many roles--from Cinderella to Grace Farrell to Dorothy to Tzeitel to Chava. Yeah, did that one twice. Every single show made a huge impact in my life, and nearly all of the friends I made along the way are still a very important and meaningful part of my life.

I try to make music an important part of Alex's life, too. We sing a lot of show tunes, nursery rhymes and silly songs that we make up as we go. Lately, we've been loving a lot on "Annie." Specifically, "Tomorrow."

Please sit down and turn on your pacemaker, because this is heart stopping cuteness. Also, ignore the first 30 seconds when he's trying to find his nipples (he got curious about what those were the other day, so I had to impart some honest Mom knowledge - a hilarious and awkward post for tomorrow perhaps) but stick around until the end when he really gets into it. I was clapping. I was crying. I was throwing roses at the stage. He's so my kid.

Yesterday, in pictures.

2012-01-24T11:26:00.000-05:00

Hair sweat courtesy of nth Degree Fitness in Royal Oak. Also, I was parked when the above photos were so skillfully taken. I promise.

Best email, ever.

2012-01-23T11:21:00.001-05:00

From: My Dad
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2012 11:14 AM
To: The whole family

You know you're having a bad day when you order a small coffee from McDonalds and when you go to pay, the worker at the window says, "Oh, you qualify for the cheaper, Senior Citizen coffee!" I'm just saying...

____________________

And then I peed my pants. Obviously.

A variety show, of sorts.

2012-01-23T11:01:00.000-05:00

Starring: my Middle Finger. I've been using it a lot lately, in many forms.

Curtain.

The Verbal Middle Finger
Implied by the tone of my voice. Used in various supermarket encounters with rude individuals and also on the phone recently with my health care provider.

The Facial Expression Middle Finger
This is a special form of the MF, exacerbated by my dark features and laser beam-capable eyes. This one is reserved for those people that still write checks in the supermarket line and Michiganians that always seem to forget how to drive come the first snowfall.

The Literal Middle Finger
Used during the January 12 episode of Grey's Anatomy. Extensively.

The Body Language Middle Finger
Also referred to as the cold shoulder, though the BLMF is a much more rare creature. This one is typically reserved for meetings during which I am annoyed and also when service providers (see also: stylist, manicurist, physicians) are running obscenely late for my scheduled appointment time.

The Incognito Middle Finger
This one marks some of my best work. I have honed these skills over many, many years. You wouldn't even know when I'm doing it because I'm overtly sweet, as if to cover up the fact that I want to tear your face off. See also: situations in which I cannot win.

End scene.

I think I have a lot of issues to work out.

For example...

2012-01-19T16:39:00.001-05:00

Remember way back when when I posted about catching the crafting bug? Yeah, well, we can all kiss that fleeting nugget goodbye. It lasted a whopping two-point-five seconds.

I so desperately want to do moustache valentines (like this) for Alex. This particular craft would require a moustache prop of sorts, but what you must know first is that the moustache creation in and of itself is a craft. Moustaches just don't fall out of the sky. But if they did, that would be so rad, amirite?

I could have gone to Michaels, Target, or any other store on planet earth that sells things and purchased a nickel's worth of black felt and used my own hands and brain to construct a simple cut-out of any generic moustache shape. Probably something of the handle variety with a cute turn-up at the ends. But I digress.

Anyway, that was really just too hard. It gave me an actual headache just thinking about it.

So I bought these. Like, paid real money for them.

I'm actually embarassed to admit it. But there you have it.

Oh, also...Jackie...can you puh-puh-please design Alex's Valentines for me, too? I'm obviously incapable. I will pay you real money, too. Thankyouverymuch.

Out of order.

2012-01-18T13:48:00.005-05:00

So I have really funny stories about my obsession with buying things for a house I don't technically own yet, but in order to do that I probably should tell y'all how this magical house came to be. I've alluded to it once or twice (sorry for being all annoying and unspecific about that) but I REALLY wanted to tell the story once I had some pictures. I've resigned to the fact that I will not have the ability to take a photo of my family on an empty lot that we sort of own in the foreseeable future, so I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and tell the tale. But everything is better with pictures, no?

Anyway, I'm sure you all remember back in late summer when we were urgently looking for a new house? Well, we were. We had been sort of lazily looking for some time previous to that particular life event, but put our efforts in super gear when we had a deadline of sorts.

Let me just say first that I LOVE where we live. We are 6 minutes from daycare, a block from the community center with an indoor water park, 2 minutes from both major highways in the area, and 20 minutes to nearly every other neighboring cool city. I may or may not have a strictly business crush on our mayor and because of the many large businesses in our city, taxes are wicked low. Our neighbors are like family--almost like something out of a movie. I even borrow eggs and cups of sugar from time to time.

There's not a ton of new construction or newer homes in our area because it's an older community. So, naturally, I got really discouraged when we started looking because in order for us to get what we wanted (and enough motivation to leave what we love) we would have to move to a nearby city with higher taxes (and a smaller house) or move to BFE to get a bigger house with lower taxes. Both of these options, frankly, sucked, and were not enough to actually force the move.

Anyway, I was driving around aimlessly one day because Alex was sleeping. I was basically just turning down streets I'd never been on--not looking for anything in particular, just passing time. I came across this sweet little street that was carved out of an older neighborhood, but was new construction. Then, in the same moment I saw a narwhal crossing the street with a pudgy baby unicorn on its back, my eyes surprised me by seeing TWO "For Sale" signs. One of the houses was perfect. I had to have it.

We went for a bike ride that night so I could show Joey. Oh, did I not mention this house was literally ACROSS the street from our house? Not our specific street, but the main street nearby. Anyway, he liked it too so I made an appointment with the seller's agent to see it the next day.

We saw it and loved it even more once we got inside. We were leaving for vacation the next day but told the Realtor we would talk about it on our trip and get back to him when we returned.

So imagine my surprise when he called me the next night with bad news. Someone else was putting an offer on the house. But the worst of the news is that there would be offers on both houses. And the offers were from FRIENDS who were friends/worked with someone who already lived in the house next to the two houses that were for sale. Yeah. Just our luck.

There was no way we were getting that house. Even if our offer was higher, the seller/builder was obviously motivated to sell BOTH houses at the same time, vs. selling us one and sitting on the other.

This story is getting so long I'm starting to annoy myself. But stick with me. We're almost to the end.

Naturally, it would suck a LOT if this story ended here, but it doesn't. As it turns out, our Realtor turned out to be childhood friends with the guy who owned the whole street. And there were 4 lots left! Eegads!

And so, we got our pick of the lots (as fate would have it - a better lot than the house we originally wanted) and we are going to build the same house we wanted to buy on that lot. And, since we're building it, we can change any of the little things that we want like flooring, fixtures, etc.

The ts are officially crossed. We signed all the paperwork just before Christmas and they will break ground as soon as the frost ban is lifted...which in Michigan is always iffy. Our hope is to be in by mid-July. At which point I will commence with an emotional life breakdown because I'll be leaving behind my first married home, the house I brought my baby home to and had so many other "firsts" in...but change is good, right?

Since a post this long deserves at least one picture, here's the house we're building. I'm changing that stupid wonky, little window on the second floor - doubling its size and centering it in the siding space. We might alter the brick color to be a bit darker and the siding to a slightly more grey (gray?) color, but this is basically home sweet home.

Tomorrow I shall commence with many ridiculous stories of things I am buying to decorate/furnish said house. Joey is about at his wits end with me. But he knows it's all pretty things that will make our house a home. And, in turn for his patience, he's getting one of those giant fish mailboxes. For reals. #wifeoftheyear

Home Sweet Home!

This is how I roll.

2012-01-13T12:44:00.004-05:00

Literally.

Don't I wish! That's me in the Fiat 500 with the GUCCI interior at the North American International Auto Show. Yes, I do love my job. Most days, anyway. I also love that car, but it's very impractical for my incredibly lofty goals in life, which include becoming a raging, rampant soccer mom. Also, if Alex spilled his sippy cup juice on that buttah-like interior I would probably lose my shizz and pending Mother of the Year nomination, so we'll stick to the more family-friendly and more American Ford Edge, thankyouverylittle. But it is a hot little number, no?

I also made a new friend. We held hands like awkward 14 year-olds on a first movie date. He didn't try anything fresh on me, though, which was oddly disappointing.

I also took my VIP status to a new level by dancing with the Kia hamster like a total assmonkey in front of my boss, her boss, and basically the entire automotive industry. But I don't care. Because this? Should get me a promotion.

Click here to see the video.

Picture this.

2012-01-11T12:17:00.001-05:00

Remember a month or so ago when I posted these really awesome family pictures? And I ~~talked~~ raved about Holly and how I was basically so excited for her to officially launch her business so I could tell all you guys all about it? The time is heeeeeerrrrrrrrre!

Visit Holly Kathyrn Photography if you'd like to learn more! You might see some familiar faces around there...

For better or for worse, even sleep deprived.

2012-01-10T11:15:00.002-05:00

So Joey has this...um...habit...of sleep screaming. Yes, you read that right. It doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, it's terrifying.

It used to happen with a recurring dream about spiders. The man is bat-shit terrified of spiders, y'all. He would be having some sort of REM-induced Charlotte's Web nightmare, only to jolt himself (and me!) out of a sound sleep by sitting straight up in bed and tearing at the air around him with vim and vigor to squash all the imaginary attack spiders. In our 4-and-some-change years of marriage, I have nearly crapped the bed and/or had a heart attack all dozen or so times this has happened.

The other night, he did it again for the first time in a long time. But instead of declaring war on imaginary spiders, he sat straight up and SCREAMED at the laundry basket next to our bed to "STAY RIGHT THERE!" Now, as I mentioned on Facebook, the laundry basket could have really been being an asshole for all I know. I was dead asleep. At least until he screamed me awake and my heart rate rose to a trillion BPM, causing me to not fall back asleep that evening and be very grumpalicious in the morning.

And then last night, the man I love more than anything on planet earth did. it. again. OMG. Two nights in a row with this. But apparently in last night's dream, our house was on fire. So he sat up straight in bed and started screaming "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!"

Now, in the event of an actual fire in my home, I would hope he would do just a tidge more to get me and Alex out to safety, but I'll give him a pass since he was, in fact, sleeping when he was trying to save me from an imaginary flaming inferno with little to no actual escape plan.

I can't help but think all this night screaming means something. My initial thoughts tell me it means he needs to sleep on the couch so I'm not woken up by screams that literally make my heart beat out of my chest and make it impossible to fall back asleep. My secondary thoughts pretty much tell me the same thing.

I suppose it could be worse. I know a guy who used to sleep drive. Yes, this is true. Even I have strange sleep habits--I was a horrible sleepwalker when I was a kid. I tried to pee in the sink once, and another time I was at summer camp and walked (sleeping!) like 100 yards behind my cabin in the middle of the night. Yeah, that was creepy. Imagine waking up in the middle of a forest. Alone.

So, anyway, back to my original point. How can we get the sleep screaming to stop? Perhaps no more ice cream before bed...

Like I said.

2012-01-09T14:54:00.000-05:00

I've tried telling Joey a bazillion times that I will not ever, under any circumstances, go camping. He tries to guilt me into warming to the idea, saying really stupid things like, "But Alex needs these life experiences!" or "It's a rite of passage for any young man!"

Joey's idea of "camping" is the real McCoy. Tents for sleeping. Holes in the ground for the loo. Food over flames for consuming. Showering in open bodies of water. You picking up what I'm throwing down?

I've been "real" camping two times in my life. Both of which are experiences I would like to forget to ensure my therapy costs can remain affordable. My Mom is about as outdoorsy as Kris Jenner (although she strangely does love to kayak) and my Dad couldn't pitch a tent if it came with Yogi Bear himself as an instructor. (And no, that's not a euphemism. Sickos.) To say we're not the camping type of family is the understatement of the century. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

Our skills lie in other areas of life, like making reservations for dinner and ensuring the hotel we're staying in has a pool. These are the things that are the true test of a rugged woman. Alex and Joey can go camping all they want in life, as long as they don't expect me to tag along. Instead, you can find me at the nearest indoor facility with air conditioning and snacks.

In summary: I might consider camping if somone buys me this glass. And I was kidding about the therapy. Maybe.

29 is NOT the new 30.

2012-01-06T11:47:00.001-05:00

Newsflash: It's 2012. The year I will turn the dirty thirty. (In related news, everyone on earth is invited to come to Mexico with us for my birthday. Had originally considered Vega$, but then I decided 30 would be much better spent in an all-inclusive resort, drunk at the swim up bar vs. getting arrested in Vega$. Stay tuned for more info on that...and friends, start saving your pennies now!)

As I continue to age gracefully, I've been noticing all these strange things happening around me. Like, for instance, my hair is REALLY getting gray. I've been gray "patchy" since I was 13 (thanks for those genes, Dad), but have mostly gotten away with using Clairol Root Touch Up every couple months or so. But now? Holy hell. I'm about 2 months from becoming Helen Mirren.

Don't see it? Allow me to zoom in for you.

That's 2 weeks of growth. TWO. I'm about to go broke buying root touch up. Should anyone from Clairol be reading this particular rant, I'm wiiiiiiiiide open for sponsorship. Allow me to be your charity case.

Please also note the forehead wrinkles. I can't even discuss those right now.

In summary: I'm considering shaving my head. Or just going all Helen Mirren on you. I think I could rock both.

A Talicska Christmas.

2012-01-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

We spent Christmas 2011 at my Mom and Dad's house. Kelli, David and Samuel were in town, so it was a very special Christmas with the whole family together. As a family, we had much to celebrate and be thankful for in 2011...and it was so special to have a few days to just all be together and eat and drink until my pants literally exploded off my body. This is a true story.

Pictured below is photographic evidence of what a Christmas tree looks like when 2 very ~~spoiled~~ loved grandchildren are involved (not that we didn't get spoiled, too...but Alex and Samuel took home the loot!)

And these were my two favorite faces all week:

He kind of looks like a Gremlin in this picture,

but it was his "vroom!" face when he sat in his new
Lightning McQueen chair from Grammi and Poppi.

And here are the snuggle bugs playing with the HIT present of Christmas 2011 - Alex's new tool bench that Uncle Kyle MADE for him! You can even see how he burned "VW" into the corner of the top. It's seriously so cool. And who knew my brother was a woodsmith? Is woodsmith a word? Whatever.

This was one of my all-time favorite moments (please excuse my hot mess of a Christmas morning self):

And, of course, Grammi got in her fair share of snuggles and story time, too:

Pictured here is four generations from my mom's side of the family from when we visited my Great Aunt Theresa (my Grandmother's sister). She met Samuel for the first time!

Tomorrow's post will probably include a list of ~~lies~~ resolutions I'll be totally committed to for at least the next 3 weeks and then will likely abandon. However, I did say that the ONLY thing I wanted to do over break was organize my baking/catchall cupboard in the kitchen and I managed to haul through that at 9:00 last night. So, maybe there's something there, after all...

Until then, I'll leave you with another picture of the two sweetest cousins in existence. They're holding my Mom's ceramic baby Jesus.

"Happy birthday, baby Jesus!"

Some people are just meant to be together.

2011-12-30T23:08:00.003-05:00

Allow me to set the stage: it's 9:30ish and some change at casa de VeeDub this evening. Joey is sprawled out on one couch, rocking his finest pair of fish pajama bottoms and a tee shirt that may or may not have been washed in the last week. He's on his eleventieth episode in a row of "American Pickers" and is also halfheartedly flipping through the pages of the most recent HOUR Detroit.

Similarly, I am sprawled on the adjacent couch, nomming on my Camelbak jug filled with water only because my body is so desperately deprived of nutrients and agua due to the fact that I've fed it nothing but wine, champagne, vodka and Chex Mix for the last week. I'm in a similar getup, though I would never be caught dead in fishing sweatpants, so mine are of the classier Victoria's Secret variety. I'm also well into my seven hundredth game of euchre on the iPad, cursing at my virtual partner for calling hearts on nothing but a 9 and Q. What a whore.

Anyway, Joey musters all the energy he has left from what you can deduce from the above was an incredibly exciting and riveting evening to roll over and announce to me that Sunday is a BIG day.

"Babe, you know that Sunday is like, a HUGE football day. Like, all day."

Please note that this is my queue to read between the lines and instead hear, "Babe, I'm not doing anything on Sunday. So don't try any of your funny tricks on me. No Home Goods. No DSW. No 'family adventures' to the aquarium because it's Sunday and you have a coupon. I'm only doing football."

Message received, good sir. But little does he know that my plans for Sunday include much, much less activity than his. And so, I reply with:

"Babe, I hope you know that I might not even shower on Sunday."

Elation fills his face and he replies with the same genuine love and adoration he had as he spoke his wedding vows to me some four years ago:

"I love you so much right now it's not even funny."

Like I said, some people were just meant to be. We're those people.

Merry Christmas from the VeeDubs!

2011-12-23T06:00:00.002-05:00

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." -Luke 2:9-12

Workplace 101.

2011-12-21T06:00:00.002-05:00

Take all personal calls (yes, this includes job interviews) in the hallway. Or a conference room.
Do not clip your nails at your desk. Do I really need to say this again?
Wear deodorant.
Do not wear copious amounts of perfume. Or cologne.
Do not make up words. It definitely does NOT make you sound smarter.
Unless you literally work in the healthcare field, you are not saving lives. Don't act like you are.
Leave your smelly lunches at home. See also: tuna, thai food, questionable meats.
Reply when someone says 'hello' back in the elevator. You can even grunt it. I promise it won't kill you. Unless you are a zombie. Then, just stay away.
If my headphones are in, it's likely that I'm ignoring you on purpose.
If you're not laughing at least twice a day, you're not doing it right.

It really is that simple, people.

Time travel.

2011-12-20T06:00:00.002-05:00

I was looking through my old cell phone pictures when I was supposed to be paying attention in a meeting yesterday and came across this one:

This was one of the most perfect mornings of my life. My Mom took it back in November when we were visiting Kelli, David and Samuel. We were having a lazy morning, just lounging and playing with our boys. Just minutes later, Alex climbed up and joined the party and the three of us read whatever riveting child literature Samuel was obviously studying in this moment. Sometimes, life is just perfect.

Like mother, like son.

2011-12-19T16:10:00.000-05:00

Guess who loves the Sunday sale papers almost as much as his Momma?

He only cares to look at the Toys 'R Us insert, and always grabs it first. He calls it "looking at the toy newspaper." When he finally gets the dexterity to clip coupons, I will be in heaven.

And don't you just love his Hugh Hefner Mickey jammies? Thanks, Grammi & Poppi!

Fat man 2011.

2011-12-12T13:46:00.002-05:00

Alex was WAY pumped to visit Santa this year. I invite you to recap years 1 and 2 for proof that he hasn't always been so keen on the fat man and his red suit.

This year, however, couldn't have been more fun. It was all he talked about in the 2 days leading up to our big adventure. And let it be known that he is very specifically asking for a "big blue monster truck" and is promising that he's been a good boy (debatable). He sat on Santa's lap and chatted like they were old pals. He even gave him a high five and said "See you later, Santa. Nice to meet you!" as he walked away. Top ten Mom Moment, for sure.

As you can see, we continued our tradition of the free photos and activities at Bass Pro Shops. Grammi, Poppi, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Jill joined in on the fun, too. Uncle Kyle even got himself caught in a snowball fight (and lost). Alex throws like a girl...but apparently put on his game face for this particular match:

And Daddy and Poppi were, as usual, tremendously useful in holding up large, immobile objects.

In other news, Christmas is LESS THAN two weeks away. Squeeeeeeee!!!!!

Update: Kyle sent me this cell phone video of Alex's initial walk up to Santa. You can see how eager he was...walked right up and started chatting away.

Mind in the gutter.

2011-12-09T15:19:00.000-05:00

Ok. So I was spending some time on Etsy this afternoon looking for Christmas pillows (note: got these) and for some reason THIS product was in my feed. I literally spit my Diet Cherry Pepsi out my nose when I saw it.

I know it's a maternity shirt. And I know the sentiment is rather lovely. But I just can't help giggling like an idiot everytime I think about it in the other way. You know, like if Joey wore it.

Not that I bought it for him or anything...

Just another Thursday.

2011-12-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

Birthday bootcamp is officially over...but what a week it was!

Let's recap Day 7, shall we? In a backwards twist, Joey actually took yesterday off work. He did all sorts of things that needed doing (groceries, car washes, etc.) and surprised me by putting up the Christmas lights at our house.

And sometime around 3 pm, he texted me this:

EEEEEE! I literally could not get my work done fast enough. I hightailed it home (but first went to the dentist because apparently I am a masochist and go to the dentist on my brithday) to tear that paper off!

And before I can tell you what was in the box, you need a little backstory.

About 3 months ago, I found a chair at HomeGoods that I absolutely ADORED. And we all know that when you find something at HomeGoods you MUST buy it right then and there for fear it might not be there upon return. I took a picture and texted it to Joey, who was hesitant because we don't have a ton of room to store things (I was in a buying mood for the new house - more on that later). However, I used my ninja skillz on him and he eventually gave in and I bought it.

I just adore it. (And also? Please note that it totally matches my Lill bag I made last time I was in Chicago. Who buys a chair to match a purse? --> thisgirl <--)

Fast forward to about a month ago, when I was in Connecticut. Imagine my delight, shock and awe when I waltzed into Pier 1 (of all places) and laid my eyes on this puppy:

GASP! A matching chair! But different enough style-wise to look totally awesome with my OTHER one! Obviously, I couldn't get it home from CT, but I could surely buy it once I got to Michigan, right? Wrong. The thought of buying and storing another chair for a house we won't move into until June (again, more on that later) sent my dear, sweet Joey into a tailspin. Men just don't get it.

Joey, on the other hand....did get it...eventually. And I'm guessing you can totally guess what was in the box, right? THE CHAIR FROM PIER 1! And the even better news is that he scoured the earth to find one still in the box so we can store it easily until June. Woooooooo!!!

In another twist, you should all know that when I texted my Mom last night in excitement re: the chair (since she was with me when I saw it in CT), her reply was, "Oh, how awesome! Do you have room for 2 of them?" Apparently, she got me one for Christmas. I love that my family gets me. A girl and her chairs...

Obviously.

2011-12-07T11:23:00.000-05:00

29 is the new 21. Embrace it.

Birthday Boocamp update.

2011-12-06T12:44:00.000-05:00

I suppose we left off at Day 2. So here's what we've been up to for 3-6.

Day 3: We were at my Mom's house for the weekend, so Alex delivered my spreesprises to me after breakfast. I got 2 fun size Pay Days and a cute pack of snowflake tealight holders. They go perfectly with my PartyLite Nativity scene!

Day 4: My favorite gift so far--he got me a pack of the Sally Hansen Salon Effects nail stickers. The coolest part is that he totally found them on his own! These things are SO cool--I didn't even know they existed. They are thin little "stickers" of REAL nailpolish in fun, cool designs like zebra, plaid, houndstooth and sparkles. He got me the pink ones, natch. They might be my new favorite thing - super durable and WAY easy to apply. And no waiting for real polish to dry...comes in handy with a toddler. They have fun holiday ones like snowflakes and candy cane stripes that I'm going to pick up tonight to use when this one wears off. And I guess you can just remove it like normal nailpolish - we shall see!

Day 5: Another delivery from Alex (he even drew/colored in all my cards!) - three yummy new chapsticks and 2 more Pay Days.

Day 6: This morning, my sweet boys delivered me 2 more Pay Days, a card, tons of smooches (my fave!) and a yummy candle.

I think everyone should celebrate Birthday Bootcamp. Maybe I could trademark it and make trillions? In the meantime, I will keep it all to myself.

Tomorrow I will be TWENTY NINE. OMG.

Day two.

2011-12-02T13:27:00.000-05:00

This morning's spreesprises were strategically located near my keys, since I had to leave super early for lame meetings and other corporate shenanigans that help put Cheez-its in my cupboard and Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi in my fridge. Priorities, people. Anyway, I was the proud recipient of a new sunglasses clip for my car (since *cough*Joey*cough* broke my old one), 2 more Pay Days (note: they are fun size...makes me feel less guilty about the quantity consumed) and Yankee candle air fresheners. All very sweet and thoughtful things from my boys!

In related news, we're headed to my parents' house this weekend--spanning the bootcamp celebrations far and wide! #occupybirthdaybootcamp needs to start trending. Make it happen.

SUIT UP!

2011-12-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

People, people, people! It's that time of year...

BIRTHDAY BOOTCAMP!

For my new readers or those with selective amnesia, birthday bootcamp is one, whole week of ME. Specifically, the week leading up to my birthday, one of the top 10 holidays in North America.

This morning, my card and spreesprises were waiting for me by the coffee pot (yes, I'm still going strong with the at-home morning brewing...). I got a new magnetic notecard for the fridge, a little "K" journal and 2 Pay Days from my boys. Then, at work, I got these:

Seven gerber daises. One for each of the days of BDBC. And pink!

And so it begins...

2011-11-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

I'm still here...alive and well. Just been mucho bizzy with work, life and the like. So, sorry!

In related news, the birthday coupons have started rolling in - and I'm so all over them like hazelnut cream in my coffee. BRING IT, free stuff.

In keeping with the season of my birthday and all things happiness, our house is just oozing Christmas. I mean, really. I have an obscene amount of Christmas decorations--more than six of those giant 42 gallon storage tubs. My house has puked garland, sparkle and snowflakes. But it was all worth it when we let Alex hit the button to switch on the tree. I thought he might have a heart attack.

"Mom! It's CHRISTMAS!" <--then I died.

Welcome to our home!

I've always wanted a cranberry wreath.

And notice the Santa key in the center so the Fat Guy can get in!

It puts me in a trance. Love it.

At some point, I will probably have
to remove the batteries on that thing.

In the meantime, it's adorable.

Honey, I'm home!

2011-11-16T10:57:00.000-05:00

While I have many photos and delightful stories of sun and fun to share (teaser: a Canadian band of crazies that we met in the hot tub is going to write and record a song about me and Joey!), I must first tell you the tale of a smart and funny 2 year old who lives in my home and answers to "Alex."

The setting: We're driving home from daycare Monday night. Alex is in the back seat, along with my laptop bag, purse and a giant, empty Huggies wipes cardboard shipping box. Joey and I are chatting, probably about dinner or having the shakes from our general lack of alcohol since our return to the States.

Overheard from the pipsqueak in the back seat: "H...W...G...G...I...E...S...spells BOX!"

I turn around, wondering what is going on and ask, "What spells 'box,' Alex?"

Again, he says (pointing to each of the letters on the box as he "reads" them), "H...W...G...G...I...E...S!"

It is at this point I realize he's spelling "Huggies" (with a little confusion on the U) and because it's ON a box, that's what he thinks it spells. I, of course, explode in uncontrollable proud Mom applause and cheer, and he just looks at me like, "Duh, Mom."

Naturally, his new favorite game is "What spells?" So now, every time he hears a new word or sees a new thing, he wants to know how to spell it, and asks, "Mom, what spells (insert word in question here)?" And secretly? I love it. Because it gives me a chance to redeem myself for the 5th grade spelling bee I embarrassingly lost to a nerd with a bowl cut named Matt VanDerWende because I accidentally and all-too-quickly spelled "tread" as "tred" because secretly I was in love with Matt and was distracted by his blindingly golden locks in such a perfectly round shape and his penchant for peeing his pants. To say I've come a long way is a understatement.

So, Alex? We will spell until we've spelled every word in the books. I solemnly promise this to your 5th grade self. And I also promise no bowl cuts.

Mas cervesas, por favor!

2011-11-04T17:28:00.001-04:00

I'd love to stay and chat, my sweets, but I've got a plane to catch. For the next week, I'll be at the location pictured below, eating & drinking to my all-inclusive heart's content and basking in the sun until I am unrecognizable and likely in a great amount of pain. And then I will do it all over again. For 7 days straight.

Adios, amigos! Hasta luego!

Also? Bikini waxes are my own personal version of hell. But a necessary evil, ya know?

Oh, and vote for my Mom EVERY DAY while I'm away, mmkay?

A picture is worth a TRILLION words.

2011-11-03T09:53:00.001-04:00

Ahhhhhhhh! I know, right?!?! And let me go ahead and answer your next question: Holly Powell. I actually got to know her through her brother-in-law and have spent the better part of the last 5 years stalking her GORGEOUS daughters. Caroline? Alex would like to marry you. Please wait for him.

Anyway, Holly has recently taken an interest in photography. And by "interest," I mean she's freaking AMAZINGLY awesome and has such a level of talent I cannot even describe. Some people are just born with it, you know? She kindly offered to take our family photos to "practice" a bit more before she officially launches her business--and after looking through the pics from our session, I'm totally sure she's ready.

No other photographer (and trust me when I say I've worked with MANY) has ever truly captured the spirit of Alex. That second to last one of him sitting down and looking up into the camera? Please. It MELTS me to my core. And the last one? Of him giving his version of a "thumbs up?" I will cherish it forever - for it captures a moment in time that I won't ever get back.

So Holly, thank you for allowing us to be your guinea pigs. The time you spent rolling on the ground, squeaking a rubber chicken and chasing Alex and his limitless energy back and forth across that bridge to capture the love of a family is SO appreciated. You have the patience and "eye" that simply cannot be taught in any formal classroom. You captured us. Our family, our love.

I'll be bragging about her a bit more later in the year--once she gets all the legal-schmegal stuff locked down for an "official" business. I won't even pretend to understand what all that is about. Until then, feel free to click here to see all the pics from our session and get excited about booking YOURS.

Also, everyone on my Christmas card list? Please act surprised when you get ours in the mail this year.

Also, also...Vote for my Mom!!!!

Vote for Momma T!

2011-11-02T15:23:00.003-04:00

Last time Mom visited Kelli in the state that shall not be named, she gave her a makeover for an upcoming Mary Kay contest. Voting has officially started, so I'm counting on all my ABM3 readers to help my Mom win a trip to NYC. Because guess who she will take with her, duh??!?!?

And this isn't one of those horrible contests where you have to register, donate a pint of blood and provide your social security number to vote. Just go to the site, find my Mom, and enter your email address. It's super easy! You can enter up to 5 times a day, so please use all five votes! And if you happen to have more than one email address, I'm not about to stop you.

1. Click HERE

2. Type "Joette" in the search field
(I know, my Mom's name is so cool)

3. VOTE FOR HER!!!!

I'll remind you every day until voting stops, so GO DO IT.

Who cancels Halloween?

2011-11-01T11:23:00.001-04:00

The entire state of Connecticut, that's who. I guess an unexpected hammering of snow will do that to you.

Kelli said it was like a movie - trees down everywhere, no power, and utter chaos. They are safe and sound, but what an experience!

And so, October 2011 marked the first time my sweet 'lil Samuel saw snow. And it was DELIGHTFUL. He loves the white fluffly stuff almost as much as his Aunt Kristi. Behold:

Yes, as crazy as it looks, that's a totally legit video taken in Kelli's front yard on October 29, 2011. Mother Nature is NOT fooling around, people. Also? Hi, Ruth!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T15:40:00.001-04:00

Or as Alex says, "Happy twick-or-tweety day!"

We took Alex to the Zoo Boo at the Detroit Zoo on Friday night with his Grammi and Poppi - what a FUN time!

Then, on Sunday, we went back to ride the carousel and feed the giraffes--it was the last day of the season to do it and we've been promising him since about 1984. Oh, the irony.

Have a fun and safe night, everyone! And here's a TREAT from me: enter code 'DRUGSTORE40' at Walgreens.com to get 40 FREE 4x6 prints--through tomorrow, only!

My brother wanted to be a weatherman when he was little. I wanted to be a "hair doer."

2011-10-28T10:30:00.002-04:00

This is truth. But not just ANY weatherman, he specifically wanted to be Mark Torregrossa from the local NBC affiliate in our hometown. (For the record, time has not been kind to that man. Lay off the teeth whitening, mmmkay? It certainly doesn't detract from your receding hairline.)

Anyway, imagine my delight when Kyle sent this little screengrab over this morning:

In summary: it looks like Kyle found a career that suited him WAY more than weather--teaching. Perhaps he can take our local weathermen to "days of the week" school?

In other news, this rain can suck it. And I'll save the "hair doer" story for (another) rainy day.

Sometimes, I'm a nerd.

2011-10-27T10:16:00.003-04:00

It's really all Joey's fault. Until I met him, I honestly could have cared less about gadgets and gizmos. Or is it "couldn't have cared less"? I always get those confused. Lately, I've been obsessed with all things home-related. So pair that with gadgets and...

Enter The Nest.

Um hai there, gorgeous. And you ask, right on queue, "What is it?" It's a learning thermostat! Invented by a team of freakin' geniuses who also had a hand in the first 18 generations of the iPod. So obviously, we can't go wrong, here. Nerds are smart, yo. So is this thing.

Did you know that the average person changes the temperature in their house over 1,500 times a year? (Well, if you're my Dad you can all but triple that number.) And your current thermostat? I bet it's ugl-ee. Like, punch your grandma in the face ug-lee. But this thing? It's gorgeous. A total conversation piece. And yes, I'm talking about a thermostat. Who am I?

Anyway, this thing:

• Installs easily.
• Learns your preferred temperatures and schedule.
• Senses when you leave the house or come home.
• Gives you tips and feedback on your energy use.
• Connects to Wi-Fi so you can control it from anywhere--even your smartphone.
• Looks good. Like me.
• Has a positive impact on the world and will help you cut your energy bills--go green!

I realize this sort of post is totally out of sorts for me - and it's not sponsored! Totally my own, nerdy findings and excitement. I think I'm going to pre-order mine for Christmas!

Do you call it a teeter-totter or a seesaw?

2011-10-26T10:03:00.000-04:00

We call it FUN!

The reveal!

2011-10-25T09:29:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I posted about my crafting inspiration...and after a few tweaks to MY version last night, I'm ready to share it with the world. (Again, remember that what I posted yesterday was the inspiration piece from Pinterest. Yes, Dad. I'm talking to you.)

Armed with my 40% off coupons, I hunted for letters at Michaels, JoAnn and Hobby Lobby over the weekend. It was SO STRESSFUL. I know they're just letters, but I was so concerned with what size would look good next to what font and what colors could and couldn't be side by side...oh, I almost had a coronary. It was like craftingmageddon.

I got over that fit, and aside from buying an extra E and two too many Os, I finished the day unscathed and with all the necessary tools and equipment to complete my very first big girl craft project.

Joey and Alex had a daddy/son day on Saturday, so I spent the afternoon arranging letters, planning color patterns and painting.

The big H and M were already gold - and half off at Hobby Lobby! I also got the tin letters (O, T, E) from the Hobs...I thought they would add a zip of "different" to the pattern. You know, not all "cut" letters...turns out I was right. The other letters were random finds from JoAnns and Michaels, but I found JoAnns had the best selection. Which is strange, because I'm usually a Michaels girl.

Instead of $6 spray paint, I bought $0.77 bottles of acrylic paint (Except the teal. That HAD to be spraypaint because I plan on using it a trillion times over. I love it so much I literally might spray paint Alex.)

Note the bowl of Baked Cheetos, can of Diet Cherry Coke,
and ever-so-fancy paper plate paint trays.
This is how I ~~roll~~ craft.

Last night, we laid them all out to try and arrange the best pattern. We tried a few:

After much back and forth, I concluded that the black letter M was just not doing it for me. I painted it the yellow color and that for SURE didn't work. So Joey retreated to the basement and emerged with a random can of silver spray paint. Turns out, that's exactly what it needed.

Basically, I love it. I can't WAIT to hang it. In related news: there's a perfectly good reason it's not hung already. I will cover that soon.

My only hangup is that last H in home. I love the color, but I think I want the size to be bigger. Who's with me?

In summary: I think I have caught the crafting bug. Don't expect me to sew up curtains or decoupage a mural anytime soon, but if it involves spraypaint and shopping, I'm in. And for $30, I'd say this particular craft is a WIN.

Crafty Momma.

2011-10-24T09:52:00.002-04:00

I did a CRAFT this weekend. Yeah, that's right. Read it again.

I. Did. A. Craft.

I don't even know if that's grammatically correct, nor do I care. Although, now that I read it again it does sound a tad sexual. The point here is that I saw something that inspired me. And then I re-created it. AND I still have all my fingers and toes and my house is still standing. Parts of my lawn are spray painted red and teal, but that's not the focus here, now is it?

I have a few more tweaks to finish up tonight (after--gasp--input from Joey) and I will post completed pics tomorrow.

Until then, peep at the inspiration piece, courtesy of my new mistress, Pinterest.

Mine is WAY better. Promise.

I did not eat Puppy Chow for breakfast.

2011-10-21T09:40:00.001-04:00

Well, that's a lie. Because I did.

And for those individuals that either live in a hole or only eat things Mother Nature provides, I didn't eat dog food for breakfast. I ate CEREAL covered in powdered sugar, chocolate and peanut butter. So it's totally legit.

In other news, "Operation make Joey his freshly ground coffee in the morning" is going very well. Today is Day 3 and I've officially become a pro at setting the coffee pot to "auto brew" at the witching hour of 6 a.m. Also? getting everything prepared the night before is so efficient. Why have I not been doing this all along?!

When all this to-go coffee brewing is paired with my horrible memory (see also: forgetting to bring my travel mugs home every night), I tend to get low on mug options. Thusly, my 2 favorite mugs are currently in the wash. And by "in the wash" I mean they are in the sink, untouched. So today, I'm rockin' a mug with the mugs of my boys:

I know, right?! Christmas 2 years ago. My how time flies. Please also note how adorbs my desk is. Lamp. Desk calendar courtesy of blue soleil, Mentos gum (duh). Love notes from Joey. Everything a girl needs to survive!

Storytelling.

2011-10-19T11:23:00.001-04:00

And no, not from Tori Spelling. From Alex. And it's hilarious. Before I got smart enough to bust out the camera, he was telling tales of "Baby Sam-e-oh who wivs in da 'netticut." I die.

I also love how he is seriously looking for the pages of the stories in his book. And by his book, I mean Joey's copy of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."

And yes, we taught him to say "Uncle" when we tickle him. And he looooooooves to look at himself in the mirror. No self-esteem issues here.

Also? I need a tan. And for those that are curious, day one of "Operation make Joey his freshly ground coffee in the morning" went very well, thankyouverylittle.

Coffee talk.

2011-10-18T09:30:00.000-04:00

My husband has a problem. Well, he has many, but today we're going to talk about his obsession with coffee and random small appliance purchases.

This morning on the way into work he dropped the bomb on me that he wants to buy a new coffeemaker. But not just any coffemaker...the kind that automatically grinds the beans FOR you. Right. Here's how that went.

Joey: I want to get a new coffemaker.

Kristi: For real? You do know that we already own two of them, right?

J: Yes, but I want one that automatically grinds the beans for you. So it's like, super fresh. And we can save money!

K: First, we have a coffee maker, a coffee grinder AND a Keurig. I can basically whip you up a mochafrappawhatevermajig at the drop of a hat. And how will buying another machine save us money?

J: But we have to grind the beans ourselves. This one does it for you. And it's FRESH! And we can save money because we can set the coffee maker to brew in the morning and we can take it with us instead of going to Starbuckies.

K: Is grinding your own beans really that labor intensive? And there's nothing that says we can't brew to-go coffee with one of the TWO machines we already own. For me, it's about the snobbery of having Starbucks in the morning, obviously. But, if it is really that important to you to have freshly ground coffee, I will grind the beans and have the coffee pot set to go the night before. And before I get in the shower I will just flick it on and viola! Freshly ground coffee for my weird husband.

J: Our coffee pot has a timer.

K: ::facepalm:: Then why are we having this conversation? We own all the equipment (and good stuff, too!) to do exactly what you're asking.

J: Butbutbutbut it doesn't automatically grind the beans for you. It's, like, SUPERFRESH. Treat yo-self.

K: Stifling laughter at the obviously appropriate 'Parks & Rec' reference. I really don't understand you. You are an anomoly to me.

And then I promised to wake up extra early every day this week to freshly grind his coffee (no, that is not a euphemism) for a to-go cup instead of stopping at the 'buck. He has officially challenged me to this, because when it comes to sleeping for an extra 10 minutes and basically anything else in life, I will always choose to sleep. Always.

However, I am not willing to purchase and find shelf space for yet another coffeepot in my home. So, in the words of Barney Stinson, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

You've been warned.

2011-10-17T15:38:00.000-04:00

It's officially that time of year. I have packed away the summer toys. The shorts and tanks. The flip flops. And in turn, I have busted out the turtleneck sweaters. The hot cocoa tins. The extra-snuggly blankets. The heated matress pad. The Christmas music.

YES. It's Christmas-ish time. ::happy dance::

I accept and embrace that I'm a raging lunatic. I realize that I'm one of the few that prefer snow and sweaters over sand and shorts. And if you don't like it, that little red X in the upper right of your screen is the door. Unless you're on a Mac, in which case I have no idea how to excuse you from my presence. Why does your mouse only have one button? Srlsy!

And, on the off chance you were wondering...why yes, my Christmas shopping is done. Complete. Finished. Ta-da! Aaaaaaaaaaand it's mostly all wrapped, thankyouverylittle.

In summary: unless you are pervvy enough to catch a sneaky peaky of me in the shower, you will not see my neck until April 1, 2012. And if you hear me whistling "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," please do not punch me in the throat. I'm just spreading glad tidings and cheer! Also, how is it almost 2012?

Things I do that are totally, admittedly bizarro.

2011-10-14T12:13:00.000-04:00

When using any restroom that is not in my own home, I never take the first wraparound piece of toilet paper. I always unwind it at least 1 time fully around, toss that piece in the loo and use the next piece.
I always hold my breath while walking down the basement steps in my childhood home. Not up, just down. My parents should probably move out before I suffocate on a random visit.
Unless others are needed for dress-up reasons, I always wear anklet socks. White.
I log into online banking at least 3 times a day, because I am certain someone is going to hack my account. So far, so good.
I eat my ice cream and yogurt with Alex's baby spoons because it lasts longer.

Off with their heads!

2011-10-13T10:05:00.000-04:00

I'm sure it will be changed soon, but I can hit "print screen" faster than a speeding bullet.

People.com should fire their copywriter. Apparently Geico or Allstate need to get involved in the Queen's affairs...

Click image to enlarge.

See, Dad? My CommunicationS degree does come in handy every once in a great while. ;)

Panny-cakes.

2011-10-10T10:50:00.000-04:00

We went out for breakfast on Saturday morning with some friends (hi, Kelly, Mark and Joyce!). Obviously, Alex had the "pannycakes." HOWEVER, when the waitress asked if we wanted the Mickey pancakes, who knew we'd get this little plate of awesome?

Mommy's pannycakes will never again be good enough. Time to start practicing...

That happened.

2011-10-07T14:28:00.000-04:00

Apologies to those who are a Facebook friend and are reading this twice, but I wanted to make sure it was documented on le blog as a milestone. And also, I wanted my Mom to know and it's too long to text and she will likely be the second-to-last human being (next to my Dad) to join Facebook.

Anyway, today was "Bring something that starts with the letter D" day at daycare. We talked all last night about what he wanted to bring and settled on the dinosaur and the dump truck. Obviously.

Much to my surprise, when he woke up this morning the little squirt had a different plan. He bounced over to me, chipper as a lark and asked, "Kristi, we go to the donut store?"

Here's what is AWESOME about the above. One: He called me Kristi. I love it. Two: He KNEW that donut started with a "d." And C: He wanted donuts.

He is so his father's child.

Hump Day.

2011-10-05T08:42:00.000-04:00

Blah. I find that even Starbuckies is unmotivating today. If it helps, I typed "globber dot com" in the address bar about ten seconds ago...so just trying to get into ~~globber~~ blogger to type this post has been a trainwreck. Happy Hump Day, indeed. Pffft.

And to be fair, I don't really have all that much to talk about. We did experience a "first" this morning -- when asked to brush his teeth (a task typically completed with shining success due in part to the help of Thomas the Toothbrush Train), Sassypants Alex put both hands on his lips and boldly proclaimed, "NO. I will NOT brush my teeth, Mommy!"

It probably didn't help matters that I busted out in laughter instead of remaining calm, cool and collected. Parenting fail.

The good news is his teeth are brushed and we all survived. Perhaps the terrible twos are just a little late knocking on our door.

From the core of who I am, thank you.

2011-09-30T06:00:00.004-04:00

It seems so insignificant to simply say thank you...or to somehow find the words to express my gratitude for the outpouring of love and support that came from this post. And for someone who NEVER is at a loss for words, I'm not so sure what to do next.

I wrote the post about our tWIPs for me. It wasn't for you. It wasn't for families suffering similar losses, or for other mothers who have lost babies. It wasn't even for Joey. It was totally, selifshly for me. It was for me to let it out, speak my mind and begin to heal.

But then I published it, and it did so much more than I ever thought possible. Over the last week, I've received more emails, texts, Facebook posts and notes than I could probably count, and each one was so significant. So impactful. So needed.

The Internet is a crazy, creepy place. But it's also an amazing place. A place where perfect strangers hidden behind an IP address and what may or may not actually be your real profile picture can band together in solidatarity. United in pain, happiness, fear, joy, pride, love...and motherhood.

So as simple and insignificant as it may seem, I thank all of you. Those I know, those I don't know and those who don't know me.The tWIPs and I are better and stronger because you exist.

Word association.

2011-09-29T15:22:00.002-04:00

Sleeping. PINK Sweatpants.

Makeup. MAC.

Shopping. Target.

Sundays. Football.

Fall. Chili. (Also cider & donuts but that's a story for another day.)

Ahhhh, yes. It's that time of year. The leaves begin to change and I start buying Jiffy Cornbread mix in bulk while my crockpot works overtime on yummy soups and other things that smack of fall, crisp weather and snuggling.

Last night I whipped up my second seasonal batch of award winning white chicken chili. I'm not even bragging, here...it really has won awards! I've topped the charts twice at the annual chili cook-off at work. I may or may not also be the chair of that particular committee...

Anyway, here's the recipe. It's VERY yum. You can play with the chili/cayenne and hot sauce if you're a wussy on the hotness. Enjoy!

White Chicken Chili
Combine over low heat:
1 lb. chicken breast, poached and cut into bite size pieces
2 - 14 oz. cans of chicken broth
1 large glass jar of white navy beans w/ liquid

Meanwhile, sauté:
2 cups finely chopped onions (make your husband do this, as it is a sucky job)
2 tablespoons minced garlic(get a garlic press so your fingers aren't all sticky and stinky)
1 small can of minced green chilies
3 (heaping) teaspoons cumin
2 (level) teaspoons oregano
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon chili powder
Dash of hot sauce (optional)

Combine all ingredients and heat to serve. (And obviously, bake some cornbread while you wait!)

Photographic happiness.

2011-09-28T08:50:00.001-04:00

Remember what I said about Alex being the best medicine? The proof is in the pudding, mah dear.

He's had a recent obsession with giraffes.
I don't get it, either.
So guess what is happening for Halloween?

Arts and crafts time with Grammi!

One Week.

2011-09-26T09:46:00.004-04:00

Time is such a funny thing, isn't it? It just comes and goes, without permission or hesitation. And it just keeps going, no matter how hard you want to slam on the brakes.

The last week has been a big one for our family. Consider yourself warned: this particular blog entry will be long. And it will be emotional. And it will probably be more information than most of you need to know. But this is my outlet. It's my therapy. Because here, I can talk through my fingers and be happy or sad, angry or hysterical, joyful or sorrowful...and just be. So here goes nothing.

Sometime in late August, I peed on a stick (which is where this little blogeroo began 3 or so years ago...) and saw those incredible, amazing two pink lines. I took the test earlier than I probably should have, but there they were - in all their striped glory.

We kept it our own little secret for a little over a month, then got around to telling family. We went round and round about fun ways to let the cat out of the bag, but ultimately decided that Alex would be the best possible little deliverer of the news:

On Friday, Sept. 16, we had our first ultrasound. Gosh, I love that visit. The first time you hear that little tumpthumpthump. There's nothing like it.

Joey came with me, and we saw a beautiful, healthy baby on the monitor. One strong, thumper of a heartbeat. When the ultrasound tech was nearly done, Joey laughed and said, "You're sure there's only one in there, right?" He was half joking, half serious, since he had a strong conviction from the very beginning that I was having twins.

The tech looked at him and said, "Well, you know, I did see two heartbeats when I first turned on my monitor, but I couldn't find a second when I went in. But now that you are saying that, I want to go back in and make sure."

And she did. And she found that second, incredible heartbeat. At this point, I started laughing and crying. I didn't know what to do with myself. TWO babies! Twice the blessing...but also twice the diapers. Twice the formula. Twice the love. Twice the everything.

As we were waiting to meet with the doctor, Joe and I were both laughing and crying - frantically trying to plan the next few years of our lives. We would have to move. We would have to get a bigger car (my own worst nightmare - a mini-van!). We would need one more of everything. We had a 6-month "to-do" checklist in our head longer than Santa's naughty list. We were overwhelmed with joy. And fear...just to keep it real!

When our doctor came in, she shared our joy. But she also let us know that what they thought they were seeing on the monitor were mono-chorionic twins, meaning that we had two babies, but they shared a sac and a placenta. This is a very rare form of twin (the egg separates too late for the babies to each have their own placenta) and is a very high-risk pregnancy due to the likelihood of the umbilical cords getting tangled and the babies losing their blood supply. She scheduled an appointment for us to have a super high tech ultrasound at the hospital the following Tuesday to learn more.

What a weekend that was...waiting for Tuesday. We knew since the babies were in the same sac that they were identical. So we either had 2 boys or 2 girls. Eeeeee!!! We started looking at houses. At mini-vans (gag me). At double strollers. And I won't lie, I totally started looking at matchy-matchy outfits for their newborn pics. Etsy is a very dangerous place for me.

I even started thinking about how I would tell you guys. I came up with a million ideas, but in the end I thought I would do this:

I know, right? So fun and so clever. I patted myself on the back for that little bit of brilliance. I really am an artist when it comes to Microsoft Paint. And I dubbed them our little tWIPs. You know, like WIP, but twins!

Tuesday took about a year to arrive, but it finally did. The ultrasound tech at the hospital did her thing...and didn't say a word the entire time. After about ten minutes, she switched off the monitor and said she needed to go talk to the doctor to see if what she found was enough or if he wanted to run further tests.

I knew the second she left the room that something was wrong. Call it mother's instinct, call it reading between the lines...I just knew.

The doctor, a jolly man with a kind face, entered the room and washed his hands. "You're here for twins?" he asked.

I just sort of looked stupidly at him and said, "Yes."

"Well, we're only finding one heartbeat, so let's run some more tests, ok?"

And he did. He did a belly ultrasound and poked around on my painfully full bladder for what felt like an eternity. He pointed everything out to us as he saw it - the pregnancy sac, the yolk sac, the placenta, the heartbeat. All single. Not plural.

He asked to do a vaginal ultrasound, since he could see more with that. We obviously agreed, and in he went.

After what felt like another eternity, he said the words I never thought I would hear. He actually had to say them twice because I thought I went deaf for a split second and misunderstood him.

"You have conjoined twins."

No. Not possible. This is not how things work. Babies are healthy. Babies grow separately. Girls who grew up in the cornfields of Michigan in a normal, healthy family and went to a normal college and got a normal job and married a normal man (well, that's relative I suppose) do not have conjoined twins. This just doesn't happen. Not to me, at least. This happens on TV. And in the movies. And in books. But not in real life. Not in my real life.

It is virtually impossible for me to explain to you what I felt and thought in those moments that followed. Looking back, it's a dark, cold, paralyzing blur. I remember the doctor was so kind and gentle with his words. I remember falling as a weeping, hysterical mess into Joe's strong, solid arms. I remember my hands trembling as I dailed my Mom - the only other person I wanted at that moment other than Joe - and somehow getting out the words, "The babies are conjoined. I need you here now."

The phone in the room rang, and in what seemed like magic, our OB was on the other end. She, too, was kind and gentle, and said we could come straight to her office to talk and learn more.

We walked out of the hospital holding each other up and stopping every 50 feet to cry and hold each other. My head was spinning in a daze of thoughts - but the one that kept surfacing was that this wasn't real. I would wake up soon in my own comfy, stylish bed and hit reset on this day.

Reset never came, and the next thing I knew, we were sitting in a tiny, bland room at the OB office. We saw a different doctor in the practice - actually my regular OB's husband, Dr. Long - and looking back, he was on call that afternoon for a reason. For us.

He walked in the room silently and just sat on his short, swively stool and placed his hand firmly on my leg. That gesture said more than any words ever could. He looked at both Joe and me and I will never, ever for as long as I live, forget the words he said to us next.

"I don't have a lot of answers for you today. I'm just here to be sad with you. And to listen."

Honestly, I didn't have the brain function at that moment to ask any logical or thoughtful questions. All I wanted to know was why. And there really is no good answer for that. Identical twins (of any kind) are not hereditary. They're not genetic. Only fraternal twins are. And the first type of twins they thought we had (mono-chorionic) are super rare. But conjoined are even more so. And there is no medical explanation for it. It just happens.

We also learned that it is very rare for conjoined twins to make it full term. Our babies had 2 heads and 2 heartbeats, which was very reassuring, but it was too soon to tell where exactly they were conjoined, or what the future would hold as far as the possibility of being surgically separated or even making it to full term.

Wednesday and Thursday were a blur. I didn't go to work. I did a lot of research. I did a lot of praying. I did a lot of cleaning (idle hands and all that - ha).

Alex, bless his little heart, had the biggest burden to bear in all of this and didn't even know it. He was our medicine - our healing. When I would hit that valley of despair (which came around about once an hour), I would just look at his little face and listen to his sweet, sing-songy voice and my heart would heal just a little more.

Fast forward to very early Friday morning. Exactly one week from our very first ultrasound. I woke up about 4:30 am with painful cramping and bleeding. We called Jane and left Alex with her (good thing her husband is a super early riser!) and headed to the hospital.

Our babies are in heaven now. They were blessed by a Chaplain before I was put under anesthesia, in what was one of the most beautiful, from the soul, direct-from-God prayers that has ever been prayed over my body.

So Friday to Friday. That's one week. We went from one baby to two babies to one baby to two babies to two connected babies. And somehow, I'm still standing.

The healing has started, and probably won't ever end. I find peace in knowing that they will never be alone. They will always be together, connected in an eternal hug.

I know for many of you, your first instinct will be to comment here or to send me a text or an email telling me you're sorry. And while I appreciate and am so thankful to have such a strong and sweet network of friends, family, and perfect strangers of the Internet, forgive me for being so bold as to say I don't want your sorry. So don't give it to me.

Instead, I want (and need) your joy, your happiness, your smiles, your hugs and your prayers. I will never forget my sweet tWIPs, and they will live on in this blog and through Alex, Joey and whatever baby or babies our family is blessed with in the future.

Their lives were short and sweet. They will know no sorrow, no pain and nothing of this Earth. In a way, they're the lucky ones. They got to have 8 sweet weeks in my belly full of naps, nachos, Cheez-its, Crystal Light, and double chocolate chip cookies from Panera. And then they got a ticket straight to Heaven.

I think that's two incredibly awesome lives worth living and worth celebrating. Enjoy the party in Heaven my sweet tWIPs. Save me a seat - Daddy and I will hold you soon.

Dear insurance company: please kindly suck it.

2011-09-16T09:06:00.000-04:00

Today I ~~spent~~ wasted 40 minutes on the phone with my insurance company, who, for the most part, is good. We have great coverage and I rarely have problems. But when I do have problems, they go balls out and make it the worst experience of my life.

Take when Alex was born, for example. I don't remember blogging about it in detail, but as a synopsis--we continued to get bills from the hospital over a year after he was born. I fought every single one tooth and nail, because what they were asking me to pay for was fully covered in my plan. I won.

Take when Joey got his shoulder surgery. Same story, though the timing was a little closer to the actual event. I won that one, too.

Or take when Alex went for his 2 year checkup and insurance billed me for his immunizations--which, SHOCKER--are covered 100%. I was victorious in this scenario, as well, obviously.

And then, today, when I got my FIFTH bill for my annual girly bits appointment--a fully covered visit--and I completely lost my beans and went bananas on the incompetent customer service representative. And her supervisor. And her supervisor. No one should have to call FIVE times over the course of three months to have something so simple resolved. I'm a one and done kind of girl. For the record, I won this one, too.

The moral of the story is to know your insurance plan like the crack of your baby's behind. It's your money - be smart about it! Know what's covered, what's not. What your deductible is. What your max out of pocket is. Otherwise, you're going to get screwed...and it's not if, it's when. If I just shrugged my shoulders and stupidly paid every bill that came my way we'd probably be out $10,000+ over the course of the last 4 years...and I'm not kidding. That's like a super nice vacation.

Speaking of which...Joey? I would like to go on vacation. I think I've earned it.

My 12 year old self just peed my pants in excitement.

2011-09-15T09:56:00.003-04:00

Seriously, guys! This is like, BIG! Cue Leally Blonde Soundtrack... "Oh my God, oh my God you guys!"

JTT (for my oldish readers, we're talking Jonathan Taylor Thomas, here) IS ALIVE! People.com, my go-to source for all relevant, current and breaking news, proves it here and also here. And as far as link #2 is concerned, why does little brother Mark look like he's about to stab someone? And forgive me for asking the obvious, but where is Wilson?

Le sigh. No matter how old I get, JTT will always have a special place in my heart. He was so dreamy...and my 12 year old self maybe still doodles his name with hearts all around it in my notebook. No? Too much? Creepy stalker vibes?

Whatever. If you are a female reader between the ages of like 25-35, you can't deny it. You loved him, too. Unless you loved Mark. In which case, ewwww. Just ewww.

UPDATE: Apparently Wilson died in 2003. Obviously, People.com did not cover this news.

Obligatory cuteness.

2011-09-13T13:43:00.000-04:00

Riding the dinosaurs with Aunt Jill at "Poppi's car-ni-bal."

Riding a firetruck with his pal, Ernie @ BRU.

And my favorite story of the week: we were riding in the car and had the A/C on. Alex said he was cold, so Joey turned around to cover him up. The only thing back there was my denim jacket circa 1992, so he threw it over Alex's lap in a pinch. Alex was silent for about 30 seconds, and then said, "Daddy, it's a pants blanket!" Gosh he is so funny.

Weekend fun!

2011-09-12T11:13:00.000-04:00

Every summer, the company my Dad works for does a HUGE "Family Day." It's kind of like employee appreciation meets summer carnival. And boy, do they do it right.

Monster trucks. Midway rides. Fire trucks. Clowns. Tractor rides. Food. Music. Games. Crafts. And a parade!

This year, Alex got to be IN the parade. He thought it was pretty much the cat's PJs that he was the "caboose" on one of those barrel trains pulled by a lawn mower. He kept singing "Little Red Caboose" (even though it was green...details) and waving to all the people. "I'm in Poppi's car-ni-bal parade, Mommy!"

And then, if that weren't enough mind-blowing fun for one weekend, Alex learned to pedal his bike all by himself on Sunday! Pardon my super annoying and loud squeals in the video (and the quality; it's a cell video), but I was so jazzed for him. He's been working so hard on it and something just finally clicked. I think he went up and down the sidewalk no less than 50 times that afternoon, racing his Daddy with the lawnmower. Sigh. My little boy is getting so big!

Support local businesses!

2011-09-09T09:58:00.000-04:00

Well, this particular reference is "local" to like, 2% of you - but still. Stick with me, mmkay?

The newspaper from my hometown is running its annual "Five Star Favorites" campaign and I need YOU to help one of MY fave local businesses win. The business is called "Tri City Furniture," and its (duh) a family-owned furniture and interior design store. Kathy and Lee, the owners, have been long-time family friends and I want to help them win!

Click the image above (or here) and go to the "Nominate Here" tab. Enter all your info and then in the list, type "Tri City Furniture" in the "Furniture Store" AND the "Interior Design Store" categories under "Goods and Services." Oh, and if you're feeling frisky, enter "La Pizza" in the "Pizza" category. Yum!

You can vote once a day through Sept. 15, but even if you can only do it today that will help!

Things I cannot explain. Even my Mom powers are null and void.

2011-09-08T13:14:00.001-04:00

I realize this is going to sound strange: Alex has taken a recent liking to fans. Yes, literally fans. Fans on a stand. Fans on the ceiling. Box fans. Clip-on fans. The Dyson bladeless fan confuses him, but he still loves it.

I don't know where it came from, honestly. One day, he just got really excited to go in the basement to "see the little fan." The "medium fan" is upstairs. The "big fan" equates to ceiling fans. He's an equal opportunity fan lover, but if he can reach the buttons to turn it on and off himself, he loves it even more.

It's so weird. And I love him for it. While most little boys are fascinated by trucks and trains and planes, my kid is obsessed with fans. FANS!

And so, last week when Daddy went fishing, Alex and I went on an adventure. Most Moms might have taken the opportunity to visit the zoo. Or a playground. Or Chuck-E-Cheese. Or something else totally normal and kid-centric.

But us? We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Specifically, the fan aisle. No, I'm not kidding.

His mind was blown. Pun intended.

The one time I was filmed for the Food Network.

2011-09-07T13:47:00.002-04:00

Joey and I recently spent the weekend in Cleveland as part of our Anniversary getaway. On said trip, we had many adventures...front row seats at an Indians game, tickets to the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame, and many, many delicious restaurants to try. Most of them were on wheels.

She said whaaaaat?

You see, Cleveland has a pretty spectacular variety of Food Trucks - and they've grown in popularity recently due to Food Network's "The Great Food Truck Race." Detroit doesn't have any food trucks (tear), and since I have a soft spot in my heart for street vendors I was SUPER keen on trying as many as we could in our 3 days there.

So keen, in fact, that I decided to start a new quest, dubbed "30 B4 30," that is, to eat at 30 different food trucks before I'm 30. It's a lofty (and somewhat silly) goal, especially considering I will have to travel far and wide to meet this quota.

Anyway, word got out as we were waiting in line for some grub at a food truck by the name of JiBARO, and LO AND BEHOLD, the Food Network just happened to be there filming for a show on the Cooking Channel Called "Street Eats."

They were fascinated by my story - and intrigued that we had driven all the way from the Dirty D just to enjoy their meals on wheels. And so, they asked to interview us.

OBVIOUSLY, we said yes. Despite the fact that it was seventy trillion degrees out and I was sweating like a hooker in Sunday Mass, we totally rocked it. Joey threw out culinary descriptors that Bobby Flay himself would have envied. We laughed; we played to the camera; we were coy; we were foodies. We were brilliant.

So brilliant that the producer said the whole segment will be about us. FOR REAL. This is where I die and start signing autographs faster than Kate Gosselin in her hooker heels and too-short skirts.

The show airs on the Cooking Channel and we will be part of Season 3 which will start in April. I promise that I will shamelessly promote myself like the dude with the "Cash for Gold" sign on the street corner in Anytown, USA as soon as I know the exact air date.

Oh yes, I'm a famewhore.

As photographed by Food Network camera man.

Four years.

2011-08-31T11:17:00.002-04:00

Four years ago today, I stood in front of God, friends and family and promised you faithfulness, friendship and forever.

Not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for every minute of my life that lead me to you. Every good decision, every bad decision, every twist and turn that got me here. I'm blessed. I'm thankful. I'm happy. I'm complete.

Thank you for building a life with me - for building our family on a foundation of faith, laughter, adventure, partnership and promise. I love you more every day.

Weekend in pictures.

2011-08-30T11:10:00.000-04:00

Here's a photographic look at our weekend, because I'm too lazy to do anything else today. Hey, at least I'm honest.

On Friday, we went to our community's "birthday bash" carnival and rode some of the rides and played at the water park.

On Saturday, dreams came true and toddler brains exploded when we went to Huckleberry Railroad at Crossroads Village where we took a ride on the REAL Thomas the Train!

On Sunday, we stayed in our jammies until noon and did absolutely nothing. There are no pictures to document this, because obviously.

Why dinner at our house rules.

2011-08-29T09:21:00.000-04:00

Alex's mealtime prayer, courtesy of Aunt Jane's Daycare.

Thank you God for the food we eat.
Thank you God for everything!
God bless America and all the children in the world.
Amen. (Yaaaaaaaaaay!)

Toddler, unattended.

2011-08-25T09:38:00.000-04:00

Alex is getting more and more independent. And as all good (read: lazy) parents do, we're getting a little lax in our parenting skills and allowing him to do more things on his own. You know, like driving, baking and swimming.

I kid. I kid.

But really, the kid loves to do things himself. Lately, he's been wanting to brush his teeth solo. So, we let him. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of putting it away just yet, though...

If you're having a case of the Mondays...

2011-08-22T13:34:00.000-04:00

I implore you to look at this and not smile:

You're welcome.

This weekend, I will...

2011-08-19T13:21:00.001-04:00

Finish cleaning out my closet and drawers. Also, purge half of everything.
Go to the park. Probably that new one with the Fire Truck playstations.
Populate the new storage bins we got for Alex's toys in the basement. Also, box up all the "baby" toys he no longer plays with.
Drink margaritas. Skinny Girl, because I just can't quit you, Bethenny.
Make my Dad grill me his famous beer and butter chicken. See also: "Convince Dad to come visit on Sunday since Mom is off gallivanting in CT with Sam-e-oh."
Weed my flower beds. Ok, probably not, but it's good to have a goal, right?
Finish my latest reading obsession, The Bride Quartet by Nora Roberts. While drinking margaritas.

I think that's about it. Ooh! And I shall make coffee on Sunday morning. Yesyesyes. This is all turning out quite nicely.

Also? Until about 3 minutes ago I thought 'gallivanting' was for sure spelled 'galavanting.' ::facepalm:: Thanks, spellcheck. Wait...maybe both are right?

Disney hates my kid.

2011-08-18T10:50:00.000-04:00

So I'm part of a "corporate entertainment" distribution list - basically they send out pre-sale and discounted offers to employees for local events in our area. We all know I am a sucker for a good deal and I love live events, so basically it's always a win-win.

Until Disney came along.

They are offering pre-sale seats AND a discount for Disney on Ice shows on Oct. 12 and 13. A Wednesday and Thursday, respectively. The show starts at SEVEN THIRTY PM. Are you kidding me? What non-parent genius planned that?

Because my kid? He's for sure in bed by 7:45/8:00 every night. And every other kid in the world? Should also be in bed by this time. It's good for their little brains and bodies to get good, solid rest.

No wonder the seats are discounted. Asshats.

How'd you spend your Sunday?

2011-08-16T06:00:00.002-04:00

Was it at the ER with a severely dehydrated 2 year old? No? Than it was sure as hell better than mine.

Long story short: Alex woke up on Sunday morning limp as a noodle, unresponsive to any questions and demonstrating some signs of labored breathing. I don't really remember driving to the hospital, but somehow we ended up at the Children's ER at Beaumont.

He had no signs of fever or infection, which was the most troubling. The doctors ran blood tests and x-rays of his chest and stomach to learn more. During the x-ray, the tech told Alex she was going to "take a picture of his bellybutton" so he pointed to it and said, "cheeeeese!" I die.

Anyway, his labs showed CO₂ levels of 17. The "normal" range is 22-26, so the kid was dehydrated. Severely. We had a barrage of questions for the docs--because he had been drinking and peeing healthy amounts all week--and even had a wet diaper that very morning. It's assumed that his body was just fighting off some sort of bug earlier in the week and was using all the "extra" fluids to do that.

So, he got hooked up to an IV for the better part of 3 hours and got all juiced back up. And, miracle of miracles, after about 30 minutes into the drip, he was his normal, happy, silly self.

He was so brave when they put his IV in.
Also, doesn't he look BIG here? Sigh.

Feeling better...can you tell? :)

The last picture is proof that we were ready to be discharged and head home. And also that he has Poppi and Papa John wrapped around his chubby fingers. Papa John was on wagon duty and Poppi pushed the IV cart behind them. This was all just too much for me, truly.

So, in summary, that's not how I planned to spend my Sunday. But everyone is happy, healthy and hydrated back at home. Also? I like alliteration.

I do. I did. And I'd do it all over again.

2011-08-15T08:34:00.002-04:00

On Saturday Joe and I had the pleasure of attending a wedding reception at the same location ours was held almost 4 years ago. It was quite magical to be there, watching another couple with stars in their eyes...starting on a journey that will change them, challenge them, and teach them to love like they've never loved before.

It gave me chills a few times, to be honest. Or maybe that was the open bar, I just can't be sure.

Like I said...possibly the open bar.

Anyway, the wedding was beautiful. And the reception was such fun! They thought of every little detail...from a super rad DJ to a self-serve candy bar that Willy Wonka himself would have been proud of. And they rented a photo booth! Gah...that was so much fun. There's not many things I would change about our wedding, but if I had to do it all over again, I would have rented a photo booth. And worn red shoes.

I love the Internet.

2011-08-12T06:00:00.003-04:00

Seriously, how did the world exist before online shopping? (And also Easy Mac and Keurig coffee makers, but that's a story for another day.)

Background information: I love, love, love Mentos gum. Thanks, Jennifer. It's yum, yum, gum, gum. Lasting flavor. Stays chewy. Comes in a fun little shakeable plastic container that keeps the beat for my mid-afternoon cha-cha. But I digress.

I usually buy the "big" packs - you know, the ones that fit in your car's cupholder - and keep it at my desk. Lasts me about a month. Inevitably, I run out and forget to buy a new one for at least a week. Frustration ensues. My coworkers hate me and my sushi/Starbuckies breath in my 1 p.m. meetings. Everyone loses.

Yesterday, as you can imagine, I hit the bottom of the barrel. And in a moment of brilliance, I went to Amazon.com and ordered a WHOLE CASE OF IT. And delivered it right to my office. Overnight.

Why didn't I think of this sooner?

The one time I disowned my husband.

2011-08-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

If you haven't seen me gloating down the halls of Twitter and Facebook, I should clue you in that the VeeDubs are kidless for a week and loving it. Aunt Jane took the week off to tend to her daughter's upcoming nuptials (Ironically, to my brother's best friend. I'll give you a minute to connect the dots. OK? Good.), so the midget is with Grammi and Poppi for the week.

Which leaves our grown up calendar wiiiiiiiide open to do all sorts of unusually adult things such as: eating at restaurants that do not have high chairs, staying up very late participating in irresponsible activities, getting oil changes (a thrill!) and other such shenanigans.

We also took it upon ourselves to see an adult-themed show (you know, one that did not involve singing tweens prancing around in stuffed animal costumes) over the weekend. Jim Gaffigan, to be exact. Quite possibly the funniest man on planet earth -- and I needed the laughs.

So imagine my ULTRA horror about 5 minutes into his set when Joey took a very poorly timed swig of his $8 beer and spewed said swig ALL OVER the people in front of us at the expense of a very funny Hot Pocket Joke.

I. Was. Mortified.

The good news is that the people just turned around, gave him the stink eye, and accepted his really, really, really embarrassed apology.

I can dress him up but I can't take him anywhere.

My name is Kristi and I am an addict.

2011-08-10T10:24:00.006-04:00

I have a problem. I am addicted to tee shirts. Specifically, the long and short sleeved plain variety from Gap and Old Navy.

I can't help it! They are comfy, cheap and a wardrobe staple. However, after a brief lapse in judgment when I decided Saturday would be a great day to clean out my drawers, I've concluded that this is a situation that requires an intervention.

Ahem. These are just the long sleeved ones. After I threw half out. Note that most of them are black. This is also a problem.

Is there a 12 step program for this?

I'm like a designer. Only not.

2011-08-02T15:33:00.003-04:00

Joey and I have recently decided that if our "to move or not to move" solution is really to not move (and to instead build up), then we probably need to get our shit together. Obviously, if we choose to move, it's a relatively cut-and-dry couple of months process--sell old, move crap, buy new, move in--compared to a much longer build process. This would likely involve designing something with a builder, finding a temporary rental, moving crap out and into storage, actually building the damn thing, cleaning, and moving said crap back in. Why again is this an option?

Oh yeah, because we love our neighborhood. We love, love, love, love our neighbors. We love our community. I even have a small business crush on our Mayor, but that's neither here nor there. So while it will be a far bigger pain to build up, we want to consider all options before pulling the proverbial trigger.

So we're going to meet with some builders to see what we're up against. Please save me from myself.

The natural progression of this chain of events in my brain has caused a severe case of the redecorating bug to bite me in the rear. I've been perusing all sorts of design sites to get ideas and inspiration, and being the salmon swimming upstream that I am, I've opted to create my own little Pinterest board, but in PowerPoint. Because that's how I roll. ABM3-erest. I'm tm-ing it.

Clockwise from UL: yellow zig-zag pillow; distressed red entry table; upcycled 'eat' sign; 'the end' bookend; swoop armchairs ; morning green cottage shelf.

I know, I'm like eleventy billion steps ahead of myself. And Joey is probably hyperventilating as he's reading this. On the ride home tonight he will be all "you're already redecorating a house we don't even own yet!" And I'll be all, "But it's really just a PowerPoint presentation. Think of it as my sales pitch to you." And he'll roll his eyes and laugh at me. And tomorrow when that yellow zig-zag pillow comes in the mail I will have to hide it from him out of shame until 2014.

The point here is this: regardless of where this real estate train takes us in the next 12 months, I promise you'll be along for the ride. And I also might recruit some of you to help me hide pillows and such from Joey. Consider it the cost of friendship and readership.

Monday and a threesome.

2011-08-01T10:37:00.000-04:00

Do I have your attention? Thought so.

The Monday reference is obvious. Blah.

As for the threesome? I have a new favorite. Wine, that is. Ménage à Trois (red). At a whopping $7.99 from your neighborhood friendly Costco, this is about to become a staple at the VeeDub residence. Not that I would know from experience or anything, but it pairs well with Ben & Jerry's Late Night Snack. And Cheez-its. And double chocolate chip muffins.

You're welcome.

Bye, bye, binkie.

2011-07-29T15:23:00.000-04:00

Honestly, I don't even know when it happened officially. But I realized this morning that we are totally binkie free. Actually have been for quite some time.

When he turned 2 (April 15), we started allowing the binkie when he was in the crib, only. Aka bedtime and nap time. And as soon as he got out of the crib, we would drop it back in and say, "See you later!" I think we had about 4 in the rotation at that time, and as he started to bite through them I'd just toss them out one by one. There aren't any left.

So that's it. No more binkie. He's never even asked for it. I would guess it's been nearly a month or two by now. Is it really that easy?

And to the Moms that totally experienced Hiroshima Pt. 2 when doing the binkie cease and desist (or some other version of binkie banishment that involves shipping it off to Santa for orphans that don't have binkies, recycling it for Captain Planet, or sending it to binkie heaven...I've read some cray-zee stories, for real), you are not allowed to hate me. I didn't plan it this way. I honestly thought we would have WW3 over this. It just sort of happened.

As payback for this little slice of binkie perfection, I fully expect potty training and moving to a big boy bed to be hellacious. Stay tuned.

At the tone, the time will be...

2011-07-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

Remember the time lady? Ha. I was totally reminiscing about her the other day. My Dad was super obsessive about the clocks in our house when I was little--ensuring that each one was set to the actual, real time. He was super specific. Like an astronaut, only without the bubble head. So I have many a fond memory of my Dad telling us to call 894-1212 to get the exact time and repeat it to him. Verbatim. Live. To the nanosecond.

"Good evening. At the tone, the time will be 6:24, and forty seconds. Beeeeeeeep." Click click.

"Good evening. At the tone, the time will be 6:24, and fifty seconds. Beeeeeeeep." Click click.

"Good evening. At the tone, the time will be 6:25, exactly. Beeeeeeeep."

Obviously, I did it with a British accent, ensuring it was as ridiculous as possible for my flawless reenactment to Joe. I also made my Dad sound like Father Time himself. On purpose. But that's neither here nor there, because Joey actually ratted me out to my Dad. Via email!

____________________________________

From: Joey
Subject: Sticking up (read: kissing ass) for my father-in-law

Quite recently your daughter made fun of you for making her call the official time lady so you could set all of the clocks in your house to the correct time. She said it was a funny childhood memory and thought you were a bit obsessive for doing it. I said it was brilliant! If it were not for the cable box and our cell phones letting us know what the time was, I would make Alex call the time lady also.

From: Dad
Subject: RE: Sticking up (read: attempting to be funny) for my father-in-law (son-in-law)

Thank you Joe--at least somebody sticks up for me! It was brilliant and the only accurate time we had available. Now we have atomic clocks, cellphones, mandroids and blueberries--but not back in the day! Nowadays, and if Kristi were still living at home, I would have her log onto her cellular device and tell me the time. And if it were 2000 years ago, I'd have her go out and look at the sundial! I'm just sayin'.

____________________________________

Now, there are at least 4 lessons to be learned from the above conversation: 1) Never trust a husband. Especially when brownie points with the FIL are involved. 2) If I were still living at home, I would not have to log into any cellular device, because I would actually have already killed myself for living at home at the ripe old age of 28. 3) I do not actually know how to read a sundial, because they are ridiculous. And 3) My Dad said "mandroids" and "blueberries." DYING.

Joey? I'm onto you and your little games. And Dad? Mandroids...seriously?! I die.

No...seriously, Samuel. Please make yourself comfortable.

2011-07-27T06:00:00.001-04:00

Call me Grace.

2011-07-26T06:00:00.008-04:00

Mothertrucker.

I fell at work yesterday. I'd like to say that I have some herioc tale of search and rescue--that some rare breed of baby koala was trapped in a tree and I scaled a building wearing nothing but a lace bra and some water shoes to save its nearly-extinct life, but the real version isn't that glamorous. I fell in the loo. Slipped on a little puddle of water by the sink.

I am stupid. And OUCH.

Do stuff for FREE.

2011-07-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

It recently came to my attention that libraries are not scary places. In fact, they are an oyster of free resources--everything from books (duh) to Wii games to children's entertainment. More on the specifics of my fear of libraries later.

But imagine my delight when I learned that you can check out FREE passes to many statewide attractions at your local libary. State parks. The DIA. Children's Museums. The Henry Ford. Cranbrook. Eegads!

So on Saturday, we picked up our free passes and headed on down to the Detroit Children's Museum.

BUT WAIT. There's MORE.

Right next door to the DCM was fire station. A very cool, very old, very "Authentically Detroit" fire station. The garage doors were open, so we popped in just to say "Hi" and show Alex around. Our 2 minute stop turned into a 20 minute tour, during which Alex got to sit in the driver's seat, the captain's seat, the "muscle" seats AND got to wear a fireman's hat. To say his brain matter was splattered all over the walls is an understatement. To him, it was better than Disney.

He listened VERY carefully as the fireman explained
to him what he would look like if he ever had to come
to our house to save us from a fire.
He showed him the mask and reminded him not to be scared,

and Alex said, "I'm not scared!"

Such a big boy!

In summary, make time to explore your community and turn fun things into teachable moments. The guys at the fire house LOVED the visit and welcomed us back any time. Sometimes it's the things that cost the least that mean the most.

Up, up and away!

2011-07-21T09:35:00.003-04:00

It seems that the older I get, the more weird things I learn about my father. Like, for instance, that he wants to own a hot air balloon. For real. The funny thing is, until about 3 weeks ago, he had never even been IN one. I decided to change that.

Since you can only buy a man so many socks, undershirts, shovels, bagel slicers and grill scrubbers, I decided to get a little something different for his birthday this year. And, as my luck would have it, Groupon offered a hot air balloon ride just a few weeks before his birthday. I snatched two up and was giddy as a schoolgirl to share such a sweet adventure with my Dad.

We wanted to do a sunrise flight. Fun fact: sunrise flights with Michigan's relatively unpredictable weather patterns are hard to come by. We ended up rescheduling four times until July 2, when we were finally able to take flight. Turns out, we were actually pretty lucky. Others in our group that day had been waiting over a year to get a good weather day. It was so worth the wait.

Ready for takeoff!

The basket. Ours held 15 people total.
4 each in the top L and R quadrants, and 3 each in the lower L and R quads. The pilot goes in the center.
Dad and I were in the lower left quad.
I know, it's intimidatingly small.

Cool shadow shot.

Another balloon flew with us.
Also, I guess it's rare to have clouds on a sunrise flight,

so that was cool!

Enjoying the view.
Or holding on for dear life,

whichever you prefer.

Cool reflection shot.

Safely back on the ground!

The whole experience could not have been more perfect, and it was awesome to experience it with my Dad. You know, since his other option would have been to take my Mom, who would have likely passed out at liftoff due to a serious fear of heights.

Oh, and for what it's worth, the old man no longer has a desire to own a balloon. Turns out they're much more work than he thought.

Seriously. This face.

2011-07-20T10:35:00.002-04:00

*BAM* I just thought we would go ahead and get the obligatory ohmygoshheissocuteitmakesmewanttopunchbettywhiteintheface picture of Alex out of the way. That face? Kills me. Slays me on a daily basis.

Especially when he's being a typical 2 year old. See also: putting his sand in the pool, farting in the bath tub (which he thinks is high-LAR-ious, btw), standing at the top of the stairs with a deathgrip on the baby gate screaming, "MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMY! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOOOOOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!" (you get the point?) at the top of his lungs, and/or his perception of reality that ice cream is, in fact, all he needs to consume for a well-balanced dinner.

Don't you see? He's becoming a PERSON. A little, tiny version of what I can only imagine is going to give me a serious run for my money at age 13. He's becoming more independent ("I can put on my shoes, Mommy."), telling us what he wants ("I want M&Ms, Daddy. A brown one.") and has an opinion on basically everything ("I want to watch Special Agent OSO, Mommy.") For the record, I will state here and now that if the actual Special Agent OSO ever shows up on my doorstep, I will punch him in his bear groin until he weeps magical bear tears in three special steps.

The moral of this story is that Alex is ri-donk-ulous. And I'm loving it. And bears should stay away from my doorstep.

Gettin' real up in here.

2011-07-19T11:39:00.000-04:00

Here's where y'all buckle in for a hefty dose of reality from yours truly.

Today I was treated very poorly in le office environment. By a man. By a relatively high-powered man. I'm not sure if it's because of his perception that I'm young, or that I'm a woman, or something else entirely...but he was a dick. There's really no nice way to word it. An arrogant, asshat of a dick. It's safe to say I'm not the VP of his fan club.

I was careful to chose my words and my actions wisely. I remained knowledgeable, professional, and most importantly, outwardly unfazed by his demeaning words and actions. On the inside, I was three seconds from running out the door. But true to my self-respect and generally mild-mannered business demeanor, I did my job. And I did it well.

I'd like to think that we've come pretty far as a human race, but it's moments like these that remind me of how far we have to go.

So today's advice is simply to be nice to people. To the cashier at the supermarket. To the stranger in the elevator. To your husband. To your wife. To me! You'd be surprised how cinchy it is to be kind to others.

And for the record? Karma is a bitch.

Dear ridiculous heat wave and excessive humidity.

2011-07-18T14:46:00.000-04:00

Please kindly piss off.

Love,
Kristi

I do, in fact, have legs.

2011-07-15T09:11:00.000-04:00

Remember Sans Pants Pam? Yes, well, other than our love of words, snark and Frill, we are basically the opposite in every way possible. In the same way she is dress obsessed, I am pants obsessed.

In fact, it recently dawned on me that I have never, ever, ever, ever in my professional career worn a skirt to work. Ever. This is not hyperbole. I literally have worn dress pants every single day for the last 7 years.

Alas, someone in the office decided yesterday would be a superb day to have an outdoor picnic lunch. I was not about to schweat my balls off while eating crappy pizza in 100° heat, so I thought I would throw together a little capri number for the day. Until, BAM. A brown linen skirt practically fell out of my closet. I don't know where it came from. I don't even know if, in fact, it is mine. But I do stand by the old 'finders keepers' rule, so I tried it on and somehow magically a-la Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, it fit. And looked relatively normal.

And so, I wore it.

It's me! In a skirt! Nearly as rare as the sighting of the one eyed, one horned flying purple people eater. Obviously, I am also showing off my afternoon Starbuckies delight, as well as the wicked awesome bruise on my right cankle, courtesy of the French River.

In summary, I did not hate wearing a skirt. I also did not love it. And while I will most likely never escalate to the level of crazy that is Sans Pants Pam, I might rotate a skirt into the mix every now and again. You're welcome, world.

Boom.

2011-07-14T10:52:00.001-04:00

Did you hear that? It was the sound of tectonic plates colliding and colossal chaos somewhere in middle Michigan. Worlds are imploding. Oceans are emptying. This is BIG.

My Mom got an iPhone. And an iPad. Yesterday.

My Mom, who was quite certain 5 years ago that the Internet was "just a passing craze." My Mom, who still insists that texting is "impersonal and a waste of time." My Mom, who would ask me when I was 12 and checking Juno e-mail through our dial-up connection via the archaic IBM, "who are you talking to?" My Mom, who rolls her eyes at Facebook and the silliness of "sharing such personal things with the entire World."

But you know what? She's awesome for doing it, and I admire her willingness to constantly learn. Despite her usual persistence, she's gotten on board with texting and has thumbs quicker than most boy-crazed 13 year olds I know. She's learned how to email, realizing it's the coolest (and fastest) way to keep in touch with her kids. She's learned how to check our blogs and is known to comment occasionally, though she likes to stay anonymous.

We Skyped with her and Dad last night - it was awesome. Alex loved saying "nigh nigh" to his Grammi and Poppi and laughed when she gave him kisses through the screen. And no matter how old I get, it will always be nice to see my Mom's face AND hear her voice at the same time. There's just something comforting about that, you know?

So Mom, even though I know it kills you, thank you for being so hip and trendy by hopping on the technology train. Someday, when Alex wants me to get on board with whatever new-fangled, solar powered, telepathic communication devices exist, I hope I will be as cool as you.

High five.

2011-07-13T12:51:00.000-04:00

In a shocking turn of events, Samuel's 5 month birthday is TODAY. And you thought it went fast when it was YOUR kid. Sheesh!

Happy 5 months, Mr. Sameoh!

And for fun, here's a look back at Alex and the WIPpo at 5 months. For the record, this was my favorite WIPpo picture, ever. Quite possibly the little guy at his cutest, though I will deny it if ever asked.

For Mike.

2011-07-12T14:20:00.001-04:00

I suppose I should have warned y'all that I was going to be oot and aboot for a week or so. And apparently, my lack of scheduling caused at least one faithful reader to hop into a tailspin and vandalize my Facebook wall with pleads of entertainment of the blogging kind. So, here we are.

Hi, Mike. I see that you missed me. I would say I missed you, too, but then I would be lying, and I only tend to lie when Joey's cooking* and Kelli's most recent shoe purchases are involved. Instead of missing you, I was jumping off cliffs, floating through rapids and rediscovering why my liver hates me but loves tequila. On that note, Raspberry Crystal Light and tequila is DELISH. Trust me on this.

The Joey and I headed for our annual trip to the French River, Canada. Why we go to Canada for the 4th of July week I will never know, but what I do know is that it's one of the most amazing places on earth, and certainly worth the eleventy billion hour drive to get there. But that is neither here nor there, and instead of boring you with my tales of yore, I'll stimulate you visually, eh? That's what they say in Canada. Both the 'stimulation' and the 'eh'.

Floating on the French.

Joey used it as an opportunity to keep his beer cold.
I love that man.

Joey with his River wenches.
Note the incredible scenery behind us.
I hiked in that. HIKED. As in, sweatted my own sweat, which I
try to do as infrequently as possible.

It is at this point in our journey that I entertained the idea
that cliff jumping might be fun.
I did this three times. What is wrong with me?!?

Joey also took a brave turn.

Note that he is smarter than yours truly and only did it once.

The rapids to the immediate right of the rock?
Another moment of insanity pictured below.

I'm the head under water.
I also did this thrice. Glutton for punishment? Perhaps.

Tequila, duh.

The view from the cabin. Not a bad place to spend a week, eh?

So there you have it - that's what I was doing when I wasn't blogging. I promise to not ever leave you again, Mikey. Or, at the very least, warn you when I do so you can take up other reading hobbies. I recommend Chelsea Handler. I think we're long lost fourth cousins or something.

*For what it's worth, I love Joey's cooking. Mostly because if he's cooking that means I'm not.

Tragedy of the toiletry kind.

2011-06-28T15:13:00.001-04:00

Bath & Body Works makes a product called 'Miraculos Monoi' that is far and away my all-time fave moisturizer. It's a lightweight oil with a non-offensive scent that you can use on your hair, skin or even in the bath.

So imagine my surprise when I waltzed into BBW on my lunch hour to purchase a replacement to my ever-dwindling stash and the 17-year-old gum popping sales associate tells me that they, "Like, haven't made that product in, like, years."

For the record, she was annoying. "We discontinued the shimmer version, like, 2 years ago. I've never heard of it without the shimmer and I've worked here, like, four and a half years." Gum pop.

Yeah, sweetie. That's just what I want. To walk around glowing like the sun in all my teenybopper glory. Not.

Fast forward through me rolling my eyes at her, walking out the door and landing at my desk. I thought for sure a little ebay/amazon/Googling would do the trick, but I'm coming up empty handed.

This is a sad day, indeed. Almost as sad as the day McDonald's takes the Shammy Shake off the menu.

Le sigh. My skin will never be the same.

Weekend = Awesomesauce.

2011-06-27T09:41:00.000-04:00

Words cannot express how simply amazing this weekend was. It was sheer perfection. The weather. The food. The ice cream. The people. Le sigh. I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

Helping his cousin with his binky.

The perfect morning.

Yes, I'm still in my jammies.
And so is Samuel. So there.

"Baby Sam-e-oh, wook at my car!"

I die from the cuteness of this.

Snuggle buddies.

Fun fact: they will have matching jammies
for our weekend at Grammi & Poppi's house.

Such a happy boy!

I know, I know, I know. It was amazing. We had such fun and I was wickedly depressed to have to come to work today. The light at the end of the tunnel is that I will see them again on Thursday evening!

'I a big boy, Mommy!'

2011-06-24T06:00:00.000-04:00

...and it's so true.

Le sigh.

Dear Thursday: please end.

2011-06-23T14:59:00.000-04:00

Because when Thursday is over, that means that it's Friday, which also means that it is the DAY MY SISTER FINALLY CARTS HER ARSE BACK TO MICHIGAN. Oh, and she's also bringing her handsome hubby & that sweet little chubby-cheeked nephew of mine.

But really? It's all about the sister. Like, GET. HERE. NOW.

Those of you with a sister get me. And those with a sister living practically on the other side of the Moon (which is just due east of Connecticut) totally get me. I'll probably never be ok with the fact that she lives in CT nor will I ever get used to these once-a-year-and-every-other-year-at-Christmas visits, but I will cherish them when they come.

And Friday? It's COMING.

Look out, Detroit. This crazy duo is getting all sorts of reunited.

And before my phone starts blowing up with texts from the self-proclaimed "forgotten child" Kyle, you know I love you dearly. And also? Thank you for living in Michigan so I can see your face any time I want. Don't tell Kelli and the others (hey, they might be out there), but you're you're my favorite on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and every other Sunday.

Potty talk.

2011-06-20T16:09:00.000-04:00

Methinks it's that time...

Alex has been repeatedly asking to go "poo poo on the potty." And the one time I actually buckled down and took him seriously, he had already gone in his diaper. (Bad Mom.)

I figure since he's asking, I should take advantage and do something about it. But I'm completely out of my element, here. Bottles, cereal, diapers, baths, swimming, bugs...all of these things I can do. But bodily fluids of the pee and poo form and me aren'tsomuch bffs. (Remind me to tell you the one about Alex vomming down my shirt at a local Chili's.)

I digress. I need to make a potty purchase, and I need some guidance. What works best? Those little mini-seat rings that you put over the real toilet? The little mini-potties? A hole in the backyard?

And also, where do I buy a hazmat suit?

You've got a friend in me.

2011-06-17T10:36:00.001-04:00

Today was "Bring a Friend" day at Aunt Jane's Daycare. We talked about it extensively this morning and Alex narrowed it down to about 82 toys/stuffed things that he so gently lined along the couch. (He has a thing for lining things up. It's weird.)

His final two selections were a 3 foot "fi-oh-twuck" and a dog aptly named "Puppy Dog." Call me a horrible Mom, but for nothing other than logistics, I devilishly convinced him the dog was the better choice.

And off we went.

Gah! I can't even stand how cute he is. And please don't judge the up-to-his-knees-grandpa crew socks. All of the anklets are dirty, and laundry is currently below the bottom of my 'to do' list.

Have a kickin' weekend, my friends. As for me, I'm goin' in a hot air balloon ride!! Pics next week.

Not your typical lunch hour.

2011-06-14T13:50:00.000-04:00

Joe and I unexpectedly headed home at lunch today to dig up and replant all our flowers to make room for a new driveway.

Exhibit A:

You see, the crew was already at our house working on the sidewalk (city repairs) and Joe called the company on a whim to see what they would quote us on a whole new driveway. You know, the whole "Well, you're already here and working so why don't you cut me a deal?" schpeal.

Well, it worked. They gave us a GREAT price to redo the whole thing, but wanted to prep it TODAY. And prepping involved us coming home and taking out/replanting all my paver stone flower boxes (along the side AND back of the house) with a large impatient and hosta investment OR them just digging it all up and tossing it out.

Obviously, we went home.

Sorry to everyone in my 2 p.m. meeting. I will probably be stinky. On the bright side, I will have a new driveway.

And Alex's freak is totally going to be freaked. There is a "twack-toe" in his OWN yard. Chance of squealing and excessive shaking is abnormally high.

Marching to the beat of his own drum.

2011-06-08T13:06:00.000-04:00

While the other munchkins at daycare are swimming in the pool and playing with balls, my kid is "watt-oh-ing the gow-den."

He's a delight.

Wheeling and dealing.

2011-06-02T09:57:00.001-04:00

In the spirit of saving moo-lah, I'm delighted to report that one of today's Detroit Groupons is $10 for $20 worth of apparel at Old Navy! That's 50% off, baby! I can get Alex all sorts of delightful summer clothing that he will likely destroy in a millisecond over spaghetti dinner and a mere 10 minutes in his sandbox, without feeling the Mommy guilt of a high price tag. And I'll probably get myself something, too...let's be honest.

The good news? You don't have to be from Detroit to use it! You can purchase it and use it at any Old Navy in the country. Keep in mind it expires July 30.

Head on over to Groupon to snag your deal - remember it's only up for 24 hours.

It's not just a river in Egypt.

2011-06-01T15:31:00.002-04:00

I have absolutely nothing for today's post except a tall glass of denial with a side of no seriously, when did this happen?

Does he look 17, or is it just me? I can't even stand it...

And yes, he's riding the penny pony at Meijer.