This...

...is what I want need my hair to look like.

Forgive the super weird look on America Ferrera's face, but I had to pull an image from a grainy YouTube video of last week's Ugly Betty episode to give you the visual of such hair perfection.

Here's the prob: I'm definitely 100% retarded when it comes to curling irons, rollers and any other tool that "curls". Chances are that I would lose a lot of hair in the process, people would get hurt, and Pantene's stock would plummet. I also think those giant velcro rollers (like Gretchen uses on "Real Housewives") are fab-yooouu-less, but I'm too chicken to try them.

I'm not completely at a loss - I'm actually quite skilled at styling my hair when it's short, mostly because it requires a straightener, aka a styling tool I can operate without breaking into a cold sweat. Exhibit A: one of my best short-hair days ever.

Me and my bf, Cait.

It should be noted that this was taken minutes before the

Spice Girls' reunion tour. Yeah, we're that awesome.

Please teach me your voodoo hair magic, oh stylers of Ugly Betty. Because I have at least another 2 inches of growth (read: four months) before I can successfully perform my Locks of Love donation, and walking around with an eternally unstyled ponytail really doesn't do my mop any justice. Le sigh.

TRAGIC.

NOTE: PORTIONS OF THIS POST WILL BE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AND THROWING A MAY-JAH TANTRUM.

'GLEE' IS HOLDING OPEN AUDITIONS FOR SMALL ROLES TO BE FILLED THIS SEASON.

THE AGE RANGE IS 16-26.

I AM EFFING TWENTY EFFING SEVEN.

EFF. EFF. EFF.

Does it help that I LOOK twenty six? Honestly, I could probably even pull off 16.

And for those that don't know me IRL, I really can sing. Truly. I auditioned for American Idol's fourth season and the judge told me to take my voice to Broadway and win a Tony. Not bragging, just the honest to goodness truth. I just never had the balls to pack my shizz up and move to NYC. Scary!

But 'Glee'...oooohhhhh, to be on 'Glee'. What a DREAM!

To bad I'm too stinkin' old to do it.

Connecticut Recap.

So I just realized I only provided 1 day worth of decent recaps from our trip. I have no excuses...basically I just got lazy and was too excited to spend time with Kelli and David to bother blogging or taking pictures.

Here's the long and short of some other adventures we had:

• Took a trip to Stew Leonard's, the coolest grocery store on planet earth. Also home of some so-good-you'll-punch-your-momma-in-the-face gelato.
• Dined at the semi-famous Shady Glen Dairy Barn. Confession: we went because we saw their cheeseburgers featured on "Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the Food Network. Yep. We're those people.

• Had a muy deliciouso lunch at Wood -n- Tap. Sweet potato fries. 'Nuff said.
• Ate some Indian food for the first and last time ever.
• Stalked the roads of Farmington, CT until we found 50 Cent's house. ZOMG. Ridic.

• Lunched at J. Timothy's Taverne, which opened its doors the year George Washington took office.

Come to think of it, it would appear that most of our trip centered around food. I don't know whether I'm proud or ashamed to admit that.

Post summary: 'twas the best trip, ever. And I would like to give a little shout out to the nicest Delta ticket counter lady ever for giving Kelli a pass to get into the gate with us. Employee of the CENTURY!

Blah.

There's really nothing worse than the Monday after vacation, is there?

Well, maybe having someone spill their ENTIRE coffee on you in the elevator.

Today blows.

Rhode Island: Neither Road, Nor Island. Discuss.

Vacation brain is a funny thing. I have lots and lots of funny tales to share with you all, but I can't muster up the creative juices to do our adventures justice.

It will just have to come in spurts. Here's the first: adventures from Saturday.

We took a little drive out to Rhode Island to take Alex to his first beach. We stopped in Watch Hill to be stereotypical tourists...have a nice lunch on the water and dip our toesies in the water. Lunch was an epic fail, since the little shore town was still closed for winter despite the fact that it was like 70 degrees. Not to be discouraged, we took our blankies and some snacks out to the beach and enjoyed the moment. Sun on face = glorious.

Allow me to take a moment to 'splain to you the houses that are on this beach. I mean, really. They were the kind of houses that you can't even imagine the kind of money it would take buy the front door. Ridic. And totally awesome.

From there, we took a stroll to Mystic, CT. And we didn't disappoint - we got the pizza! Confession: I've never actually seen the movie, but it's since been added to our Netflix queue. For those who are curious, the 'za was deeerishish...but the ice cream we got afterwards was better.

I

In front of Mystic Pizza.

Not what I pictured, either.

Mystic is a cute little town. We stopped into some of the shops - I even bought a hoodie at The Black Dog, which I'm told makes me an official East Coast snob. Love it!

P.S. - Did you remember to vote for Alex today?

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!

I know, I know, I know...asking for votes again in some shameless plug to win free stuff. It's my blog, I can do what I want. :)

Anyway, a local Detroit radio station is having their annual "Baby Battle" competition and I totally entered Alex...and he was selected to be in the semi-finals! At stake? $2,500 in prizes, including a $1,000 savings bond a $1,000 shopping spree and a year's supply of diapers! ZOMG...for reals. Momma needs that.

Every individual person gets up to five votes in round one (yeah, I'll be begging mercilessly in round 2 for more votes...stick with me, please), but only one vote per day. So please take a few minutes for the next five days and vote for my buddy...

I mean, really. FREE diapers for a year. C'mon.

Click here to vote for my boy!

Alex Gives You Wiiiiiiiiiiiiings.

He was an absolute angel baby on the plane. Totally enamored by the taxi to the runway and takeoff. Courtesy of le Benadryl, it was lights out about 10 minutes in until baggage claim.

Today we're off to Boston. In how many languages can you say 'Sam Adams tour' and FREE SAMPLES?!?!

Leaving On A Jet Plane.

In almost exactly 24 hours I will be boarding a plane to Connecticut to see Kelli and David. ::squeals of delight::

I haven't packed. I haven't cleaned my house. I haven't done laundry. I haven't tied up the million loose ends at work. I haven't even started THINKING about what to pack. And I am a very list-y person, mind you. My life is a series of endless sticky notes and barely legible used napkins.

Infant + plane + husband who is terrified of bringing infant on plane = #$*(#$*@.

Here's my current plan: pack as little as possible and make a run to Target when we arrive to buy baby food, diapers, formula, etc. Give Alex a healthy dose of Benadryl 20 minutes before boarding. Get Joey very liquored up at the airport bar 30 minutes before boarding.

Foolproof plan, no?

Present And Accounted For.

Last week, I got a letter in the mail from the Census Bureau telling me that I was going to get some mail from the Census Bureau soon. Putting the irony and waste of such a letter aside, we did receive the second piece of mail in question a few days ago - our Census form!

Due to my OCD, I filled it out almost immediately and popped it back in the mail. It took me all of 3 minutes and 47 seconds to fill it out, so when they say it's one of the shortest forms ever, they sure mean it.

So, the VWs have officially been counted. If you're leery of filling out your form, here are some good reasons to do it:

"Census information affects the numbers of seats your state occupies in the U.S. House of Representatives. And people from many walks of life use census data to advocate for causes, rescue disaster victims, prevent diseases, research markets, locate pools of skilled workers and more.

When you do the math, it's easy to see what an accurate count of residents can do for your community. Better infrastructure. More services. A brighter tomorrow for everyone. In fact, the information the census collects helps to determine how more than $400 billion dollars of federal funding each year is spent on infrastructure and services." Source.

Be on the lookout for your form and be counted!

Again With The Cuteness!

You're really being spoiled this week. Hilarious videos. WIPpo adorableness. And now this.

My parents bought Alex this chair as part of his birthday gift. And as grandparents often do, they just couldn't wait to give it to him. So they brought it on Saturday when they came to celebrate Dad's birthday (more on that later).

It matches the leather furniture in our basement almost perfectly...and really, is there anything funnier than a kid in a mini grown-up looking chair? I think not.

Chillin' with Poppi. Note: we were playing Wii and

he didn't take his eyes of the TV for a second.

Two old men. Ha!

Perched like a King while Mom, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Jill play Wii.

This is by far my favorite addition to the house since the coffee grinder made its way into the kitchen. I mean, really. Could he be any cuter? Fat baby in a liiiiittle chair....

Alex And The WIPpo.

ELEVEN MONTHS. As in, one month from ONE YEAR. Somebody get me a paper bag, stat. I just can't handle this.

Here's something else I can't handle -- the cuteness of my kid.

"Good morning, Mommy.

Thanks for making my hair look so handsome."

"WIPpo is so last month. This toy, however..."

"Well...it's been real. It's been fun. I'm outta here."

"Seriously, I wasn't kidding. I'm outie."

"But I suppose I could sit back down and give you

one more irresistible smile."

Joe and I are in awe every, single day of how lucky we are. Alex is an amazing kid. Granted, I don't have much to compare him to, but everyone that meets him--even perfect strangers in the grocery store--comment on how sweet he is, how smiley he is. I am so, so, so blessed to be his Momma. Happy almost birthday, kiddo!

BIGGBY Freebie.

Despite the fact that I was totally against the artist formerly known as Beaner's Coffee changing its name to BIGGBY Coffee, I still love the stuff.

And in today in honor of their birthday, they're giving you free coffee. Now that's a birthday celebration I can get into.

Click here to print the coupon and here to see if there's a BIGGBY in your area. Oh, and I wholeheartedly recommend the Teddy Bear.

You're welcome.

Oh, The Irony.

This morning while being lazy over our morning coffee and television/Facebook time, Alex found one commercial in particular to be very, very amusing.

The irony is that it's the iPhone commercial where the baby starts walking and the mom shares it with everyone via her phone. He apparently found humor in the baby falling on a hardwood floor. Over. And Over. And Over. And Over.

I rewound (is that really even a word?) it no less than 70 times for pure, selfish entertainmnent. Joe managed captured a minute or so for your enjoyment.



Oh, and please ignore my hot mess self under le blanket on the couch. It's Sunday morning lazy time in the basement - where there aren't even windows for the world to see me. Don't judge.

Hypothetically Speaking...

If you are cooking dinner and your son is energetically playing on the kitchen floor with pots, tupperware and a few wooden spoons as drumsticks and it suddenly gets eerily quiet, establish eye contact with the infant immediately.

Because hypothetically, he could be eating the dog food.

Could be. Just saying...

Happy Thoughts.

Tomorrow is Friday. Yippee!!

Big plans are in place for Poppi's berfday, which is Saturday. Can't give hints because he's an avid reader, so I'll recap on Monday. Yes, I'm 27 and my Dad's still my biggest fan. Mom is too, but computers aren't really her thing. Texting, however, is her game. #1 stunna.

I saw tulips fighting with all their might to peek out from the ground yesterday. A sure sign of spring!

I get to see my sister in one week. A week that will probably feel like a year, but a week nonetheless.

It's How You Live.

I needed a pick me up of the Costco-size variety today...and as it usually does, music had a big role in amping up my disposition. "How You Live" by Point of Grace was just played on XM 32. ::taps toes:: If you've never heard it, I encourage you to download it - it's a super catchy song with a great message. Here are some of the lyrics (just the ones I find to be particularly uplifting):

Wake up to the sunlight

With your windows open

Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken

Wear your red dress

Use your good dishes

Make a big mess and make lots of wishes

Turn up the music

Turn it up loud

Take a few chances

Let it all out

You won't regret it

Lookin' back from where you have been

Cause it's not who you knew

And it's not what you did

It's how you live

So go to the ballgames

And go to the ballet

And go see your folks more than just on the holidays

Kiss all your children

Dance with your wife

Tell your husband you love him every night

Tonight I think we'll take Alex for a walk (gorgeous day!), order pizza and eat it on the good dishes. And did someone say Shamrock Shakes on the way home?!? Maybe we'll even have a dance party to bad 80's music in the kitchen and drink that expensive bottle of wine we've been waiting for a reason to open. Who needs a reason? Today is AWESOME - that's reason enough.

Do something extraordinary today, will you?

And if you're version of 'extraordinary' includes entering fab giveaways, take a mosy on over to Hey?! A Mom Can Dream! to enter her giveaway for a Glow Girl coupon organizer. Also, check out this post for a great CSN Stores giveaway. You're welcome.

Monday Greetings.

My weekend was abso-toot-ely fantabulous. I got to spend time with many fantastic girlie friends (in tandem with copious amounts of drinking) and tonight my long lost dear Jamie is coming over for dinner and some Alex snuggle time. Seriously, I love my life.

In addition to the above, we also witnessed two major milestones from one Mister Alex Joseph Van Wormer this weekend. Behold:

1) He is now "for real" crawling. Since December, he's been doing this dragalong thing that generally albeit not so efficiently got him from point A to point B. It wasn't really "hand. knee. hand. knee." crawling - more of a belly scoot using both hands and his right foot to propel him forward in very short spurts. Mark it down in your baby books, people - he's officially a crawler, with all the coordination and speed that comes with it. Video to accompany at some point this week, pending his cooperation with the camera.

2) As if that wasn't enough, he also can now pull himself up. He only did it once, and it was very short lived. But it happened. From the sitting position, he grabbed his little toy table with all his might and pulled himself onto his tippity toes and balanced in the matrix for maybe 4 seconds until he fell to a disappointing pile on the floor. He's definitely a long way from walking, but it's something!

Special Delivery.

"Anyone can get flowers on Valentine's Day;
but my beautiful wife gets them on secret days."

Ummm...I LOVE secret days. I also love my Joey. Smooch!

FRIDAY!

I am so excited that today is Friday for the manymany reasons I shall list henceforth: (I love that word.)

1. A group of girlie friends are coming over tonight for fondue and cosmos. NO BOYS ALLOWED! Joey and Alex will be banished to the upstairs and only allowed to show their countenances when they deliver us cocktails. I even have a bell to ring when our glasses are empty. Muah ha ha...

2. Tomorrow, my blonde counterpart is flying in from the Windy City to visit and deliver my newest 1154 Lill creation. Scads of shopping, wine consumption and tickling of Alex will be on the menu for the day. Yes, she loves me enough to fly here for the day.

3. Today begins le countdown - 2 weeks until we're on a plane to visit Kelli and David! Does anyone have a magical time machine that will make the next two weeks breeze by? I can pay you in Starbuckies.

Speaking of Starbuckies, my morning java got cold and I'm still drinking it. Here's my conundrum for the day: I love iced coffee, but I hate hot coffee when it gets cold. That's weird.

Hair On Fire.

Near the entrance to my last office, there was a sign that read, "Put your hair out before entering this area." It was intended to poke fun at (and hopefully detour) those individuals who were certain that every single project was an urgent, top priroity and must be completed, like, yesterday. Those people are annoying.

Anywho, it would seem that I really, really, really, really, really, really need one of those for my new gig. And let's be honest, here...it's not as if the work I do is solving world hunger or anything like that. Yes, it's important in the here and now and is strategic and aligned and all that other bullshank corporate jargon. But it's not saving lives.

In summary: I am currently too busy being gainfully employed to eat, sleep or grocery shop. Oh, and also to clean. Weekend visitors, take note.

I have no energy or concentration, for that matter, to provide poetic humor for my minions. So instead, here's some giveaways you can enter:

• Address labels from bleu soleil designs
• Sullivan & Sawyer products from Heir to Blair
• A month (yes, a MONTH...like, one a day) of giveaways from Clemsongirl

As always, you're welcome.

Deals In Detroit.

Attention locals: GROUPON HAS LAUNCHED IN DETROIT!!!

I'm ten steps ahead of you on your next question. Groupon is a combination of the words group and coupon. Duh. Each day, they offer an unbeatable deal on the best of Detroit: restaurants, spas, sporting events, theater and more. By promising businesses a minimum number of customers, they get discounts you won't find anywhere else. It's "collective buying power" at its finest.

If the minimum number of people sign up by the end of the day, you'll get a printable gift certificate in your inbox the next morning that you can use whenever you want (well, at least until the deal expires). If not enough people join, no one gets the deal (and you won't be charged).

I, the self-proclaimed queen of wheeling and dealing, had never heard of Groupon until a fab friend scored  us $60 gift cards to 1154 LILL from Groupon Chicago for a mere $30. Le swoon. I love me some custom purses.

Anywho, I've been waiting and waiting (again with the OCD) to get my first official Detroit deal - and yesterday was the day! Detroit's inaugural deal was $30 to Palm Palace Restaurant for $15. Meh. Not bad. Today's deal is $100 worth of services at Flip Salon in Ferndale for a mere $35. Not gonna lie...I might get in on this one!

Whether or not you live in Detroit, chances are there is a Groupon site for a big city near you. Just use my unique referral code: http://www.groupon.com/r/uu1214602 to get some sweeeeeet deals!!

Monday Fail.

Today I'm totally uncoordinated. Brown pants with black shoes. A blue sweater with non-matching successories. Forgot to put cream in my coffee. All pretty decent indicators of how my day has been thus far.

In slightly more cheery news, I scored a FREE lid for my sugar bowl this weekend. We have the Lenox Bellina set (which Joey picked out and I loooooove...and yes, we actually really use it) and in one of my fits of reorganization of the basement (before I got my china cabinet) I must have accidentally tossed out the lid to the sugar bowl. Blonde moment, much?

I contacted Lenox to order a new one, but even with their "50% off replacement guarantee," I was still looking at a charge of $50+. For some horrible reason, you can't order just the lid - you have to buy the whole thing. Seriously, Lenox. Fix that. As a Plan B, I signed up for the Replacements, Ltd. newsletter, which from my hours of research is the only retailer that sells just the lids. However, it's not something that comes into stock often. I've been on the mailing list for about 8 months and have yet to see a sugar bowl lid pop up in inventory. Teapot lid? Billions of them. Nada on the sugar bowl.

I remained patient...even visited the Lenox outlet in Birch Run from time to time to see if they had a lone lid or even a super great clearance deal on one I could snag...but no luck. My options were still a $50+ replacement piece - even @ second quality.

So imagine my surprise when I took a little stroll through the store this weekend to again, hunt for my precious lid. I took a look through the entire store, and all the sugar bowl lids really started to look the same. Wait for it. Wait for it. I managed to find a second quality sugar bowl in another pattern (but still platinum trimmed) at 85% off and walked it over to the Bellina set to do a little one-on-one comparison. LIGHT GOES OFF! All the stinkin' lids are the same! I scurried to the cash register to purchase my little gem for a grand total of $22.

"But Kristi," you say. "You said in the beginning that you scored a free lid."

Why yes, I did. And the story continues...

The store manager went to ring me up and my total came to $60 something and some change, which I obviously refuted. Turns out the sugar bowl was on the wrong shelf and was actually a first quality piece and was only 35% off. Rats.

I told him I needed any platinum rimmed sugar bowl lid as a replacement to mine - didn't matter which pattern - but I wanted the 85% off deal to make it worth my purchase. Much to my delight, he marched in the back room and came back with a selection of lids for me to choose from! Apparently they keep lids of sets that are broken as replacements which I asked for the previous million times I'd been in the store. I guess you just have to ask the right person. I said something to the effect of, "I'm so excited I can just buy the lid." To which he responded, "You don't have to buy anything." Um. Say what?

Long story short, he wrapped it up and sent me on my merry way - for free! My china cabinet is finally back in order and my OCD is at peace. Thank you, Barry from the Lenox store. I heart you.