Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Do It (Again, Please).

It would appear that the radio station had a glitch in their computer systems yesterday, so they are starting the baby voting contest all over again. So, please go vote again...and vote once a day until Friday!

Please cast a vote (again!) for Leighton D.!

Here is the link: http://www.963wdvd.com/Article.asp?id=1245267


In ONE day we will officially be in the month of WIP's birth! YIPPIE SKIPPIE! I mean, I suppose there is the slight chance that I could go into early May, but I would most likely violently off myself before allowing that to happen. Plus, the doc said @ yesterday's checkup that he anticipated I would only be prego a "few more weeks." Not super reassuring, but it's something, right?

The checkup went well. WIP's heartbeat is still nice and strong and he's just the right size. I asked him about some pains I was having on Sunday night and he more or less confirmed they were Braxton Hicks contractions. EEEEEEE. I think they were just itty bitty practice ones, because I only felt the cramping for like 10 second intervals about 3 or 4 times. I'll get a bit more graphic with you when I feel something stronger.

He also told me that my GBS test came back positive. Great. Now, before you go gettin' all "eewwww, she's diseased!" on me, I think I should educate you. GBS is NOT an STD. I repeat: it is NOT gross nor does it mean I am gross. It's a normal bacteria that is found in 40% of healthy women - most of whom (read: me) don't even show symptoms of being a carrier. In very rare birth situations, it can be harmful to the baby (less than 1%) ...so they treat the mother with Penicillin during labor.

Weeeeeeeelllll, guess who's allergic to Penicillin? Yep. Lucky for me, there are 2 other drugs that are effective yet still safe for WIP, so I'm in the clear. Joe's feeling a little overwhelmed that he has to remember to be the third line of defense in letting the hospital staff know that I am GBS positive AND allergic to Penicillin. It's in my charts, but still...maybe I will be like the people who write on their limbs when they are getting surgeries? Like the "DO NOT AMPUTATE THIS FOOT" example? I will write "GBS POSITIVE AND ALLERGIC TO PENICILLIN" on my belly. :)

Time go to eat some more Thin Mints. Peace out.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Do It!

Today's theme is helping others. :)

My friend, Jackie, entered her baby girl in a contest with a local radio station. The baby with the most votes can win diapers for a year and a gift card... and who doesn't want to win that?!?

Please cast a vote for Leighton D.!

Here is the link: http://www.963wdvd.com/Article.asp?id=1245267

A Little Out Of The Ordinary.

So, today's news really has nothing to do with WIP (although we did have an appointment this morning...more on that tomorrow). Instead, I'm using the power of the internet and all my internet friends to simultaneously help out one of baby brudder's friends AND a good cause. Please take a moment to read the info and vote. Thanks!


315 million people in Sub Saharan Africa survive on less than one dollar per day.

184 million Africans – 33% of the African population – suffer from malnutrition.

This dream is about those numbers.

My brother's friends, Adam and James, have an amazing opportunity to earn $50,000 to use to fight poverty in Sub-Saharan Africa.

They need help to reach the top 20 of this competition in order to make it to the judging process.

Their desire is to use this money to provide food and supplies to a village in Sub-Saharan Africa and document the poverty and success of the help through photography. Their ultimate goal is to raise awareness and cause action in the fight against poverty.

Voting only takes a few seconds, so please take a moment to vote for their cause!

1. http://www.nameyourdreamassignment.com/the-ideas/ajbaudoux/poverty-ends-where-love-begins/

2. Click "Pic It" (on the left)

3. Register and check your email.

4. Log in and click "Pic It" to vote on their page.

Friday, March 27, 2009

So Blessed.

Today is another rare sentimental post. I'm feeling overwhelmingly blessed, mostly because I realized this morning how much I truly, truly have to be thankful for. I have my Joey, my WIP, my family and friends, a job, a place to call home and despite these cankles, my health.

Last night while I was at Bible Study, Joey went grocery shopping to fill our very bare cupboards. When I arrived home, there was a bouquet of pink gerber daises (my fave!) and the nicest, sweetest card...all for no special reason. AND he baked cookies!

Yes, those are Oreos you see in the background. They're reduced fat, so that has to count for something, right?

Back to the blessings...I read stalk a perfect stranger's blog called Heir to Blair. She had a miscarriage not long ago, but is pregnant again with a healthy babe in ute! She writes weekly letters to Harpie Jr. (her version of WIP) and I always cry when I read them. Since I'm a writer by trade, I know it's not uber cool to steal someone else's work, but I'm feeling the need to have a chat with my little buddy...so here is my letter to WIP:

My dearest little WIPpersnapper,

Until I met your daddy, I don't think I actually knew what true, unconditional love was. Being married to him is just awesome - he makes my life worth living...and he also gave me YOU! How cool is that?!? He and I have the sort of relationship that I hope you can find someday when you are 45 and ready to marry a nice, sweet girl. Well, I guess that is when Mommy will be ready...we'll revisit this topic again when you're 18, ok?

I imagine that when you finally get here, we will learn a totally new style of love. All of the moms I know tell me of a "mother's love" and how it's this sort of enigma that you can't describe - that it will just wash over me the second they lay you on my chest. I can't wait for that moment, and I hope that I can describe it accurately when it finally happens.

Daddy and I are on pins and needles for you to come out and play. Just the other night, he was lamenting about all the fun things he can't wait to do with you. He's really, really excited to buy you your first baseball glove, so even if you don't exactly love the sport, please pretend to for his benefit, mmkay?

We wonder a lot what you will look like, but there are a few things we can be sure of. You're going to be a hairy little guy and will most likely have to start shaving at 12. Sorry about that. You'll probably also have a ghetto booty, but don't worry - chicks totally dig that. I imagine you will be a creative thinker like your daddy...the two of you will make up wild, wild stories that will have me rolling out of my chair someday.

We can't wait to take you to the French River, to the Zoo, to Chicago, to Disney, to Comerica Park, to Meijer (we love going there...it's weird, but you will love it, too), to the playground, to Dairy Queen and to all of our other favorite places. We'll even take you new places that we can all discover together.

But most of all, we can't wait to take you home. It's all ready for your arrival...you're going to LOVE your new room. It's definitely a step or two up from the Hotel Mommy you've been snuggled up in the last 9 months.

All my love...and even more,

P.S. - I realized yesterday that BOTH of your Grandmas drive convertibles. Seriously...you are such a lucky kid!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

How Very Apropos.

Lately it seems that I type something in the blog and then within a few hours it comes true.

Exhibit A: The boob leakage incident.

Exhibit B: The triage visit.

Exhibit C: THE PILLOW.

Today I blogged about the amazingness that is the body pillow, and here is the text from an email tip I got from Fit Pregnancy not five minutes ago:

"To be as comfortable as possible and get the most sleep while you're pregnant, avoid sleeping on your belly or on your back. Sleeping on your belly will put pressure on the baby and may lead to complications down the road. Sleeping on your back puts significant pressure on your lower back and possibly on your intestines as well.

The ideal position for sleeping is on your side (ideally on the left), with the top leg crossed over the bottom leg, and a pillow between them. This position encourages the flow of blood and nutrients to the placenta, while minimizing the amount of pressure on your lower back. This position may feel a little uncomfortable the first few nights, but you should eventually get used to it and hopefully discover that you experience a deeper, more satisfying sleep."

To test my theory, tomorrow I shall blog about my desire for WIP to come early, be healthy and be REALLY good at (gross) breastfeeding. Oh, and maybe I'll throw in a lil' shout out for some pain management, too.

Reaching Nirvana.

I'm quite certain that the hour I spent atop a heated table in near darkness with a perfect stranger rubbing me down with hot oils yesterday was the single greatest moment in my life.

Weeeeellll, that might be stretching it just a bit, but it certainly makes the top 10. Seriously, it was uh-maaaaze-ing.

I was very hopeful that she would have one of those fancy tables with the hole in it for my tum tum, but she didn't. (Funny story - a coworker likened the image of me hauling my arse on top of one of those to getting a VW Beetle out of a manhole. A perfect, if not slightly insulting, analogy.)

I digress. Back to the rub down. So, she didn't have a fancy table, but used all sorts of newfangled techniques and pillows to make me extra comfy - and it worked! I almost fell asleep like four times.

What I found most interesting was that she had me use a body pillow when I was propped up on my side. It was GLORIOUS! What's more, Joe has been urging me to get one since he read about them in Fit Pregnancy. WHY did I not listen?!?!

Guess who bought a body pillow last night on the way home? Yeah. 36 weeks into this...I'm so behind the times.

In related news, this particular masseuse offers a prenatal massage package during the last 4 weeks of pregnancy - 1 massage a week at 20% off if you pay for it all up front. Combine that with my $10 off coupon (What, did you honestly think I would do something without a coupon!?!) and I am getting a slammin' deal on massages for the next 4 weeks. And if WIP comes sooner than expected, I can use them after he's born. Schwing!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you a 36 week-old bumpedo (because I think it looks like a torpedo):

I know, right? It's huuuuuuuuuuge! I've pretty much kissed any normalcy I once had goodbye. I can't even tie my own shoes anymore...God bless my husband. :) In other news, remind me to stand farther from the lightswitch next week...jeez Louise, how trashy.

"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 36 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 20.7 inches from head to toe and weighs about 6 pounds. The baby may drop lower in your abdomen, usually assuming the head-down position. You're in the home stretch; after this week, you'll be seeing your doctor weekly. You may be alternating between feeling exhausted and having extra bursts of energy. Along with backache and pelvic pain, constipation and heartburn are common."

At the risk of getting too personal (oh honestly, who am I kidding...) constipation is N-O-T a problemo for this girl. Check that off the list. The heartburn has also eased significantly...dare I say gone forever? Friends and coworkers are telling me that I'm dropping, but I guess I don't feel/see it.

I had a quick checkup on Monday to follow up from Friday's triage extravaganza and I'm in the clear. Just some normal pregnancy swelling. (For which I'm told I have the Talicska gene to thank.) They did my Strep B test (you want to put that WHERE?) and I'll have those results on Monday when I start going to my weekly appointments!

Tonight I'm getting a prenatal massage. I think I'm more excited about it than Christmas, which is a LOT.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

That Would Explain It.

Caitlin, I believe I've got the foundation for our official case vs. Palmer's/Laila Ali on lockdown. Put on your fancy lawyer hat and pay attention.

To paint the backstory for those unfamiliar, I recently posted a complaint about my newfound stretchmarks. (Gasp!) I, like many other expectant mothers, fell prey to the Palmer's "Laila Ali is proof that Palmer's works" ads and rubbed my belly down every morning and night like I was Aladdin rubbing the lamp for Genie to appear in hopes to stave off the red, wormy, eternal marks.

Behold the photo from the ad in question:

Is it just me or is she like 2 minutes pregnant in this picture? Of COURSE she doesn't have stretch marks and of COURSE "Palmer's works. She's the proof" because it looks like she just ate a few too many sliders and needs to drop a really good deuce to get that bloat down.

I didn't have stretch marks when I had a bitty tum tum, either. No one would! It wasn't until week 35 that those unwelcome bastards made their way to my skin surface. Misinformed and manupulated by Palmer's, I was under the impression that my daily slather ritual would prevent stetch marks...much like they supposedly did for Laila Ali.

Kids, you have homework. Someone find me a bare belly pic of Laila at 35+ weeks and PROVE to me that she doesn't have stretchmarks. Lies, lies, lies!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Spank You Very Much.

Well, well, well...what have we here? Another blog award!

I actually have been nominated for this one twice. Jamie from Living life. One blonde moment at a time. and Miss Pretty from Pretty Woman and Classy Too! were kind enough to bestow this fab award on me. Thank you!

The rules for this one are as follows:

List 7 things that you love, and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you love. Uhmmm, 7? I'm going to take an editorial freebie here and allow others to pass it along on my behalf.

  1. The obvious: J-Man, Joey, WIP, my family and friends.
  2. MAC makeup, all varieties.
  3. Qdoba. Specifically, the queso. Who am I kidding? I presently love all foods.
  4. Really good chic lit.
  5. How I Met Your Mother. Desperate Housewives. 30 Rock. The Office. Private Practice. Grey's Anatomy. Real Housewives of Orange County. Jon & Kate Plus 8. (Not proud of the last 2, but whatevs.)
  6. New shoes.
  7. Bargains. Coupons. Free stuff. Samples.

You'll note that I grouped "like" categories together...totally allowable. :)

Thanks again, ladies!

That Escalated Quickly.

To say that Friday didn't go as planned is the understatement of the year.

Remember when I posted about boobie leakage and how gross I thought it was? And remember how that very same night I experienced it for myself?

And remember how on Friday I posted about swelling? Well, it turns out that little episode of pufferfish syndrome got me a free ticket to triage.


I casually mentioned to a coworker on Friday that one leg was particularly more swollen than the other and she insisted that I call my doctor immediately - letting me know that unilateral swelling wasn't "normal." Let it be known that I have not once called the doc throughout this entire pregnancy for a question - I never wanted to be "that mom." But I knew I needed to make the call, so I strapped on my big girl panties and dialed the nurse.

She asked me a series of about 500 questions, and sounded strangely more alarmed with each of my answers. Way to put me at ease, lady. She told me she wanted to talk to Dr. Seltzer and would call me back.

Five minutes later my phone rang. Here's how that conversation went.

"Hello, this is Kristi."

"Hi, Kristi, this is Jolie from Somerset OBGYN. I just talked with Dr. Seltzer and she wants you to head to triage immediately."

"Triage?! Like, the HOSPITAL?"

"Yes. It's the unilateral swelling that's concerning her. It's a symptom of deep vein thrombosis. I already called the hospital and they know you are on your way."


I know a thing or two about DVT - mostly because my boss nearly died from it about a year ago. But I had a sneaking suspicion it wasn't anything that serious because I had none of the other symptoms...but better safe than sorry, right?

To make an incredibly long story short, we spent the better part of 3 hours in triage on Friday. (And Joe so was SO much cooler than I thought he would be when I pulled him out of a meeting to tell him he had to take me to the hospital...like rightnow. I honestly thought he would freak, but he was cool as a cucumber and was like, "Let's roll.") The doc ruled out DVL and clinically diagnosed me with what I like to call "lopsided kid" syndrome. Turns out that WIP just prefers to rest on the left side of my body, so he's pressing on all those veins and arteries, hence the unilateral swelling. I'm going to see Dr. Noomie (my faboo chiropractor) today to see if she can "center" him.

The best things about our trip to the hospital can be summed up with the following list:
  • We now know exactly how long it takes to get to the hospital from work.
  • We've got the parking situation down to a science.
  • They did another ultrasound, so we got to see him again!
  • We got to hear his heartbeat and learned the little piggy weighs 6.4 lbs!
  • I was able to witness women in triage actually going into real labor...and none of them were cursing or screaming or wanting to die. Rather reassuring.
  • We got Ben and Jerry's when it was all said and done. Hooray for the Mint Cookie shake, that's all I've gotta say.

I hope that our next visit to triage will result in a "He's here!" post. Stay tuned...just 4 weeks to go!

Friday, March 20, 2009

A Sign!

My sister went through this phase just before grad school where everything was "a sign." We would pass a vehicle that had the letters NC in the license plate and she swore she was destined to move there. Some were actual moments of fate, but others were just very silly, very far-fetched twists of reality. If nothing else, these small episodes provided a good 3 months of solid entertainment for our entire family.

So imagine my surprise when I opened my fortune cookie from runch (P.F. Chang's...YUM!) that said, "A passionate new romance will appear in your life when you least expect it." AND the flip side (the one that teaches you a new word in Chinese) was SON. Not sun. But SON. Totally cool, right?

It's a total sign. Kelli will dig this.

Sherman Klump, Party Of One?

Today we're going to talk about my feet...well, at least what's left of my feet.

The latest pregnancy ailment is swelling. And not just any swelling, people. We're talking full-on, balloon-in-my-foot, look-like-Professor-Klump-from-the-Nutty-Professor, fatty-fatness-in-the-feet swelling. It's more prevalent on the left side (as in, it goes pretty much all the way up to my knee) but definitely omnipresent in both hemispheres of my bod.

It's entertaining (to say the least) to squish it around, look in the mirror and make fun of myself. But somewhere, deep deep down in my very vain soul, it's borderline depressing. While I often joke about my ginormousness, it's something that on any given day can actually be something very emotional. I miss my body - my normally functioning, decently sized, properly proportioned body.

This week has been full of body milestones. My favorite maternity jeans are too small, another pair of maternity jeans that I could once fit 2 of me in now fit nicely, I found some very unwelcome stretch marks on the underside of my tum tum and now my feet and hands are swelling like one of those "Grow A Boyfriend" capsules.

These and other symptoms are all unfriendly little reminders that the end is, indeed, in sight. But knowing that my little WIP will be here very soon makes it a little easier to embrace and accept all these crazy changes.

And, if I get a pedicure any time soon I promise to post pics of my feet so you all can have a laugh at my expense. :)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Nothing Creative.

The creative juices are running on E today, so the best I can give you is the lame pediatrician update I promised yesterday and a good (stolen) joke.

1) Pediatrician candidate #2 - A referral from a friend and very, very nice overall. The only thing that freaked me was she got her degree in the Caribbean...I know that's so very judgmental, but can you blame me for wanting the best? The office was fun, clean and located right in Troy Beaumont, which is nice. I also appreciated her outlook on vaccines - they have a schedule they like to follow, but it's ultimately the parents' choice. She also gave some great advice re: circumcision (or "circ" as they call it in the biz) that put Joe at ease. I can't imagine that's an easy thing for a dad to stomach.

2) Pediatrician candidate #3 - In. Love. We toured the office with the office manager - only downside was that we didn't actually get to meet any of the docs. But I did read all their reviews on the billions of mommy websites and there was literally hundreds of overwhelmingly positive rave reviews. All of them spent time as chief resident at Children's Hospital, which is great. Plus, because of their affiliation with Children's, they could refer us with priority should there ever be a serious situation where he needed to see a specialist. The only downside? They aren't on staff at RO Beaumont and are only affiliated with St. John's. Which is fiiiiiiine, but it would be so much simpler if they had Beaumont affiliation. I honestly don't mind WIP having to see a resident at the hospital, and truth be told, he will probably be checked by the resident prior to the "circ" procedure before any pediatrician (mine or otherwise) would get to see him, anyway. Plus, if and when we move, we are likely going to the Troy/Rochester area, which would put us REALLY far from this office.

So many decisions, so little time. We're visiting one more practice on April 8 (Happy B-Day, brudder) and then we will make the final call. Why can't I just pick McDreamy and be done with it? Le sigh.

And now, for the joke:

Did you hear about the new IHOP breakfast dedicated to the OctoMom? It's made with 8 eggs, no sausage, and the people at the next table pay for it.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Holy week 35, Batman! I start seeing the OB once a week next week, so that can only mean one thing...WIP is coming out to play soon!!! :) I can't tell you how often Joe and I are just putzing around town doing mundane errands and we wish right out loud that we had him here to lug around with us. Get here, already, kid!!!

Here's the bump at week 35. Is it just me or do I look like a giant torpedo? And, yes, those are stretch marks you see in the first picture. (Sadness.) They are on the underside of my belly - obvs a part of my body I haven't seen in weeks. My shirt rolled up a bit the other night and Joe said, "Honey, are you bruising?"

I scampered to the mirror and was staring square in the belly at my worst nightmare: stretch marks. Stupid Laila Ali and her very obvious false advertising re: Palmer's Stretch Mark Lotion. I've been using that crap every.single.day (sometimes 2-3x/day) since the day I found out I was PG. You think my case would stand in court? Argh.

"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 35 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 20.25 inches from head to toe and weighs more than 5.5 pounds. Lungs are almost fully developed, but if born now the baby would probably be put in an incubator. It still doesn't have enough fat deposits beneath its skin to keep warm outside your womb. Your uterus is about six inches above your navel. By now your weight gain is probably between 24 and 29 pounds. Discomfort and sleeping problems are common around this time. It won't be too much longer."

We visited 2 pediatricians yesterday; I'll update on that tomorrow. Being a (responsible) parent is a really, really, really hard job. I even dreamt about pediatricians last night. Well, in between the 17 or so trips to the bathroom, that is.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

We Gradu-mi-tated!

Well, yee-haw, folks. Joe and I have officially graduated from baby school!!

Last night we had the 4th and final installment of our "Childbirth Education" class with dear, dear Madelyn. She really is a gem - even took time at the end of class to make sure that everyone had all of their burning questions answered before she set us free into the world to go forth and birth babies.

Except she wasn't really the one answering them. You can totally tell where I'm going with this, right? Miss Priss answered 80% of the questions people asked - and totally just cut off Madelyn (the triple-certified instructor PAID to teach this course) every time she knew an answer. For instance, Joe asked if she had any suggestions for introducing a dog to a baby, and no sooner had Madelyn opened her mouth to answer, Miss Priss just starts a-preachin':

"Well, I read...blah blah blah...buy a baby doll from Target...blah blah blah...wrap it in a washed baby blanket...blah blah blah...lay it on the floor for the dog to sniff...blah blah blah. We did it with our dog and his favorite room is now the baby's nursery...blah blah blah."

I really hate to break it to you, MP, but if there is something stuffed laying on the floor, Jake will destroy it. He will have all the stuffing out and eyeballs/other plastic parts removed faster than a NASCAR pit stop. A baby, on the other hand, is ALIVE. Something that can kick and scream and cry and confuse Mister Jake. Get over yourself. Your advice sucks.

In other Miss-Priss-sucks news, I decided that I was going "grunge" to last night's class. I was honestly so tired I probably could have gone naked and not noticed. But, in an effort to allow my classmates to keep their sight, I opted instead for a super-glam outfit consisting of these pants, a brown long-sleeved tee and a black/brown/gray WMU sweatshirt (GO BRONCOS!). I topped the look off with white socks and pink Crocs. I was truly a sight to behold.

Joe mocked me - but still allowed me to go to class dressed as such. Apparently, he didn't notice the Croc addition until we were walking into the building, at which point he burst into uncontrollable laughter and couldn't contain himself. I reminded him ever so snottily that he didn't marry me for my impeccable fashion sense, but instead for my rockin' ass...which is still quite awesome, thankyouverymuch.

So, you can imagine his response when MP waltzed into the classroom abso-friggin-lutely dressed to the nines. She was rockin' a supercute outfit AND high heels. He was laughing so hard that he almost had to leave the room for fear of looking rude. Grrr...that girl. Just my luck. She just HAAAAAD to show up looking perfect, didn't she? Ack.

Back to the original point of this post: we graduated! Which, in theory, should mean that we are armed and ready for WIP to arrive. Except as we were walking out of class, Joe turned to me and said, "Is it bad that I'm more scared now than I was before the class?"

Oh, yeah. Our kid's the luckiest. :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Monday, March 16, 2009

A Masterpiece.

WIP's nursery has officially become my favorite room in the house. We've finally finished everything - I've even washed a good portion of his clothes and have them all put away in the drawers. Note: 'twas during said laundry-putting-away session that I realized not only do I have a sick obsession with baby denim, I also am addicted to baby shoes. He probably could wear a different pair every day for the first year of his life. The good news? All were purchased at least 75% off retail. Woot!

I digress. Here are some pics I snapped this weekend of the finished wall decorations. I ADORE them. This post will explain the long quote...I'll cry if I have to explain it again.

(See the new Legos Daddy made for WIP on the windowsill?)

I ordered the quote from The Simple Stencil and am so pleased with how it turned out. They offer a free "test" stencil up to 12 letters with your order to practice with, and instead of wasting a freebie (um, like I would ever do that!), I decided to order "Alex Joseph," since that was the flavor of the week we liked for names at the time I bought it. So, I suppose it's decided! Unless he comes out looking like something else, he's dubbed our little AJ for eternity. Although I think I will call him WIP until the day I die...how embarrassing will that be on his High School graduation day? Meh meh meh...

In related baby news, congratulations to Jamie for becoming a 2nd time Aunt to Mr. Brady Thomas. Also, WIP has a date for prom 2025 - "Peanut" Johnson! Keliann and Michael found out they are having a girl...yippie!! :)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Owie. Owie.

There's a new pregnancy ailment in town, people! Say hello to...


It started 2 nights ago. I woke up out of sound sleep and was pretty certain that my left leg was being eaten by a giant, rabid monster. It was honest-to-goodness the worst cramp I've ever, ever had. Maybe my body was confused and sent my calf into labor instead of my abdomen? IDK.

Because of said crampage, my left leg felt like someone took an eggbeater to it all day yesterday. Not only was it sore, it would still cramp up every now and again. Boo.

I rocked some Icy Hot last night hoping to ease the soreness, but to no avail. I just ended up smelling like a locker room. Sexy, no?

In related news, my right leg decided to join the party last night and cramp up every few hours.

So today, not only am I extraordinarily sleepy from doing laps around the house in an effort to soothe my leggy-poos, I'm in a squidge of pain...yep, still cramping. Anyone have any magical remedies?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Prep The Elbow.

So I'm walking out of Subway today at runchtime (yeah...I can stomach it again) carrying/balancing 1 bag of sammitches, 2 chips and 2 drinks in my chub-a-licious paws.

While fumbling around in my pockets to find my car keys, I clumsily dropped the keys in the middle of the parking lot.

Oh good Lord. How am I going to maintain balance of the foodstuffs I am carrying AND bend over to pick the keys up off the ground?

Note: it's probably been weeks since I've been able to bend on my own. Joey picks up everything I drop at home (which is a lot) and when he's not around, others usually have sympathy on the prego girl and will get the felled item for me.

I managed to swing it, but it took me a little longer than it would a person of normal midsection size. And you know what? Some effing d-bag totally HONKED AT ME. As in, "Honk, honk. You're taking too long, lady. Get out of my way."


The look I shot that loser might have stopped his heart for 2-5 seconds - I was like that Ice Girl from X-Men. I picked up my keys, rebalanced my armful of food/beverages, looked up at him, pointed to my tum-tum and then looked glared back at him with the evilest of eyes.

And then took baby steps the rest of the way to my car, probably causing him to have an aneurysm. He's lucky I didn't get his plate numbers.

Report Card.

Let's review the interviews of possible Team WIP members from this week, shall we?

1) Possible daycare provider #1 - A "corporate-style" daycare (ie - not homecare) with a really great staff. Both Joe and I felt super comfortable there. WIP probably would dig it, too. As far as Metro-Detroit daycares go, it was priced moderately. Grade: A-

2) Possible daycare provider #2 - A gem! This place was referred to me by a coworker, and is run by two older women who left "corporate daycare" 22 years ago because they felt the business model was overpriced, unfair to parents and didn't provide the best care for each individual child. These women are amazing. They not only provide an excellent level of care for all the children, they also have learning time, read to the children and give them all 1-on-1 time. Lucky for us, they have exactly one spot left before they max out the number of kiddos they are licensed for. How fast did I write my deposit check? Um, it's in the mail right now. Grade: A++++

3) Possible daycare provider #3 - Obvi, I'm skipping this interview.

4) Possible Pediatrician #1 - Eh. The location is absolutely perfect - in a brand new Beaumont facility about 2 miles from our house. I liked the doctor enough, but she got a bit defensive when I started asking questions about vaccines. It was almost as if she immediately took me for an "anti-vaccine" mom, which I'm totally not! I just don't want the Hep B shot at the hospital and I want the MMR vaccine given all by itself. I did, however, appreciate her asking me why I made those decisions, and in the end she did say that while the practice has a vaccine schedule they use, she would work with me on whatever I wanted for WIP. I'm not totally sold on her, yet, but we'll see. Grade: B+

We're visiting 2 more pediatricians next week and then I'll make the call.

In other news, I learned that the OB-GYN does the circumcision. Go fig. Seems weird to me that the pediatrician doesn't do it.

Happy weekend!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


So, apparently you need to know who your Pediatrician is BEFORE you check into triage for labor & delivery. Time to get on top of that to-do list...

Today I'm visiting some potentials. Any advice on what I should ask them? I mean, besides the obvious, "Do you watch E.R. or Grey's Anatomy?"

Leave a comment or shoot me an email (kveedub@gmail.com) with some mom-a-licious advice!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Yippie skippie! We are at week 34!

Joe left early for work this morning, so I had to operate solo on the HDBD pics. The self-timer on the camera was being weird, but I did manage to get these beauties:

I wasn't pleased with them, so I opted for the silly mirror pic. Not bad.

"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 34 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 19.8 inches from head to toe and weighs about 5 pounds. Baby has probably settled into the head-down position and is moving less frequently. Organs are now almost fully mature, except for the lungs, and the skin is pink instead of red. Fingernails reach the ends of fingers, but toenails are not yet fully grown. As your uterus prepares for labor, you may be feeling more Braxton Hicks contractions."

The updates are getting rather boring, and I secretly love it because it means that little WIP is finished with all the really hard growing stuff and is just incubating until it's time to make his grand appearance in the real world. For some reason, a lot of people are guessing he'll come early on 4/11. Maybe we'll start a friendly little betting pool to see who can guess closest.

In related news, we finally finished the nursery. The quote and graphics are up on the wall and they look so, so, so cute! Pics tomorrow or Friday, promise.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Happy Place.

Last night's class was actually relatively normal. I don't have any silly anecdotes to share, as both Joe and I were on our best behavior...and Miss Priss barely gave me a second glance.

We learned about different pain medications (I took copious notes), Cesarean birth and other rare but emergency birth situations. Then we pulled out the pillows and yoga mats to practice more breathing techniques and labor positions.

I'm pleased to report that we weren't the ones giggling through the breathing exercises this time - it was totally another couple. Love them!

The labor positions were actually kinda neat to practice. It wasn't cool watching perfect strangers propped up on their husbands all spread eagle (isn't that what got us in this situation in the first place?) and it was even WEIRDER watching Madelyn do them. I believe I've mentioned her weeble-wobble-like stature before...but she was surprisingly very limber. Go fig.

We also did some really cool visualization/relaxation techniques, and while I usually find things like that to be a bunch of mumbo jumbo, I really enjoyed myself last night. Madelyn had us all close our eyes and relax as she talked us through experiencing our "happy place" with all five senses.

She started by telling us to go to a safe place. And with no rhyme or reason I was instantly in my Grandma Neveau's kitchen. She passed away a few years ago, but was as vividly present in my mind as she's ever been. (Which is SO weird because my sister has been experiencing some of the same weird "Grandma is here" moments lately.) Anyway, I was sitting at her kitchen table and she was wearing her kitchen coat and open-toe slippers. She smelled of smoke and soap and was standing at the stove, like always. I could even feel her rough hands and raspberry kisses on my cheek. My Grandpa was there, too (he's still alive) and was smiling and laughing and talking at an unnecessarily loud decibel.

Again, I usually think this kind of stuff is hogwash and silly...but I was somewhere else entirely last night and it was so very cool. I certainly hope it works in a month or so when I would probably rather die than continue with labor pain. Help me out, Grams, will 'ya? :)

Monday, March 9, 2009

Strollers Are The Devil.

As promised - a brief recap of the Mom2Mom sale I nearly didn't survive on Friday evening.

It was at a church in Farmington Hills, about a 40 minute drive from work. So, we packed it up early and jetted out west. The flyer indicated doors opened at 6 pm, and wanting to get while the gettin' was good, I timed our life in order to get there right at 6.

Turning the corner, I saw that there were literally 80 people in a long, long line waiting to get in. Note to self: these things are apparently very popular. Get there early.

Once they opened the door it was fairly smooth sailing. My advice to a M2M newbie would be to go to the "large item" room first, if that's what you're looking for. Those seemed to be the items that went fastest (strollers, bouncers, cribs, carseats, swings, etc.). If you're not looking for big items and just want to peruse the tables, don't start at the door. Do the circuit backwards and avoid the mayhem.

Also - if you want to live past 40, I recommend going to the M2M sales that list "no strollers" or going only during the time slots where "no strollers" is indicated. As you can imagine, there are lots of PG women at said sales, but there are also a lot of NEW moms. New moms that don't get babysitters or leave baby w/ daddy. New moms that take their giant, double-wide strollers into a church that's already packed with millions of people and tables and small, small hallways. I nearly lost both my feet in a few close calls.

This was one of the smaller sales on the schedule with ~35 tables. I cannot imagine what the 70+ table ones are like. Attend those at your own risk.

Now, onto the goods. We snagged the following:
  • 1 pair of uber cute OshKosh B'Gosh (seriously, such a stoopid name if you really think about it) denim overalls - $2
  • 1 Disney "baby" Tigger outfit - bright yellow and blue plaid short overalls with a matching onesie and socks - $3
  • 1 pair of irresistible Levi's jeans - $4 (Baby denim is my kryptonite. I cannot resist it.)
  • 1 pair of leather soft sole shoes w/ monkeys on them! (new!!) - $4

We also got this for $20 - it seriously looks like it's never, ever been used. It retails for $80. YESSSSS!!!!!!

And a monitor for $15. These are exactly the ones I wanted - highest rated on Consumer Reports and BRU...for $30 less than retail, thankyouverymuch.

All in all, totally worth it. Here's the calendar for SE Michigan if you're interested. We can make a date of it...have your people call my people.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Shut The Front Door.

So guess what I learned today, childrens?


No joke. I about peed when I learned of this. A girl in front of us in line was using one and Joe asked if it was allowed...and much to our delight, they totally are! The only catch: they can't be expired. But, who cares? I get like 2 a week in the mail, anyway.

So, we opted to not purchase the high chair and pack 'n play today. Gotta scrounge me up some coupons and go back!! (Note: you can also use the BBB coupons at Buy Buy Baby.) Weeeeeee!!

In other news, the Mom2Mom sale was ridiculous...in a good way. More to come on that, later.

Don't forget about Daylight Savings!

Friday, March 6, 2009

I'm Getting A Pedometer.

It's no secret that I work in a relatively large corporate office - on a "campus" of 3 buildings.

The loo on my floor is on the other side of the building. I visit it no less than 3x an hour.

I also visit the other 2 buildings regularly for business meetings and personal shenanigans. For instance, I'm headed over to the "main" building in about 5 minutes to drop something off for a friend (Hi, Beth!). There and back is a solid 1/4 mile. Probably farther if I take the underground tunnel system (I know...cool, right?)


Beth totally just appeared at MY desk...with an ICE CREAM SANDWICH!!!!!!!

I adore her.

But now I really need that pedometer to walk off the ice cream.

Pregnancy Ain't Beautiful.

Well, at least most parts of the 3rd trimester aren't. Allow me to share with you some bits and pieces of my yesterday, will you?

The day started off normal enough: the typical 3-4 tries to get out of bed, loafing to the shower and preparing for the day in slow motion. I got to work and was less than enthused about actually boosting shareholders' value...but begrudgingly did it, anyway.

After lunch I'm quite sure that a giant, metaphorical 18 wheeler hit me head-on. All of a sudden I felt that my only two options in life were either to vom or pass out (luckily, I experienced neither).

So I packed it up and headed home early. No sooner had I let Jake outside, I was on the couch and down for the count. I slept until around 6 when Joe got home and from then out was really only functional to eat, pee and halfheartedly Facebook. My body was experiencing some other joyful and graphic functions, but I will spare you those details. Let's just say that anything you were doing last night was far, far better than my experiences.

I seem to be back to normal today - still feeling very sleepy but I have some energy and pep back in my step. The tall, nf, decaf, 1 Splenda latte from Starbuckies is helping, too...life is grand.

I suppose it's to be expected. I am, after all, growing a human inside me. Do you ever wonder what Eve thought about being pregnant? This morning when WIP was performing an Irish step dance on my ribcage I really thought about what she must've thought about all this. She didn't have any precedent to go by - no docs to show her an ultrasound, no friends to tell her tales of what her body might go through, no books to reinforce that everything she was feeling was normal. I suppose having a direct line to God sort of eliminates the need for doctors, friends and books...but still. Kinda "big" to fathom, no?

I literally could go on for days about the random things like that I think about. But I will spare you today. It is Friday, after all. Yippie!

Tonight Joey and I are hitting up our first Mom2Mom sale in Farmington Hills. Can't wait to tell you about all the screamin' deals I get my swollen, fat hands on!!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Today's Rant.

Despite my usual crabbiness about being enormous, there are times I rather enjoy being pregnant. I love eating lots of crazy and scrumptious things. I love that Joey is amazing (not that he's less amazing when I'm not knocked up...but it's just different kind of attention). I love singing to WIP and feeling him kick me (not sure if he's clapping or booing). I love wearing sweatpants 99% of the time.

And I know it's very uncharacteristic of most pregnant women, but I actually really like it when people rub my belly. Even if it's a perfect stranger...I honestly don't mind at all. In fact, I sort of wish it happened more often, but I suppose people are hesitant to just go up to a random belly and rub it.

But there is something that drives me absolutely batty - people constantly asking how far along I am. It's one thing to ask me every now and again; I get that. If you ask no more than once a month you're a-ok with me. But asking every single time I see you is simply unacceptable. If the last time you asked me I was 32 weeks and that was one week ago...do the math. I'm 33 weeks now, moron.

I know it's a silly thing to get agitated over. Especially since I don't mind the strange belly-rubbing. But there is this one lady who literally asks me every time I see her how far along I am. Sometimes it's more than once a day. No joke!

I'm five minutes farther along than the last time you asked me, lady. Now step off.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Blog Giveaway!

We all know I pretty much live and breathe for free, reduced or otherwise cheaper-than-retail items.

Well, I've recently come to learn of these things called "Blog Giveaways," wherein bloggers literally give away an item (sometimes very, very cool things) to their followers. You get more entries by being a blog follower or linking from your blog to the giveaway.

So, consider this my lame and pathetic attempt at getting three entries in Misadventures of a Newlywed's preppy tote giveaway. Go ch-ch-check it out!

And maybe I'll do a giveaway of my own someday. Stay tuned!

Hump Day, Bump Day!

Time sure does fly when you're lugging around 20 extra pounds. I keed, I keed. But it is incredible to think that we're in week 33 already! At the infamous Childbirth Ed class, Madelyn was telling us that depending on the woman, the first signs of labor will occur anywhere from 35 weeks to 42 weeks. Joe just looked at me with big, happily frightened eyes and said, "Holy cow that's 2 weeks!" Hard to believe...but we are so, so anxious for him to get here.

"Congratulations, Kristi! You're 33 Weeks Pregnant. Your baby measures about 19.4 inches from head to toe and weighs about 4.4 pounds. In the next few weeks, your baby will be growing rapidly. He will gain more than half his birth weight in the next seven weeks. Baby begins to move less now as he runs out of room and curls up with knees bent, chin resting on chest and arms and legs crossed. The uterus is about 5.2 inches above your navel, and you've gained between 22 and 28 pounds. Of the pound a week you're gaining now, roughly half is going to your baby. "

I'm predicting that while it's safe to say that WIP will double in size, so will I. I'm already noticing that my favorite tees from Old Navy aren't long enough to cover my tum tum anymore. Sadness. But where can I buy shirts that are LONGER than a maternity shirt? Any ideas? Short of going to a store for giants, I think I'm stuck.

Oh, and another funny story related to my ginormousness...when I first found out I was prego it was late summer, so all of Old Navy's maternity winter clothes were like dirt cheap. In true Kristi bargain form, I pretty much bought every single item less than $5 on their site - most of which makes up my entire wardrobe at the moment. Anyway, I bought this REALLY cute pair of jeans and tried them on for my mom, Kelli and Susan on the day we told them I was PG. They were HUGE. Literally couldn't keep them up.

Guess what I wore shopping last night? Yeah...

But at least I looked cute!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


In last night's Childbirth Ed class we watched THE video. You know...that one. The one that shows evvvverrryyyyyyything. Whoosh. Totally was not prepared for that.

I was proud of Joe and me for not giggling through the entire thing like tools. We actually held our composure very well. Mostly I think he was either going to vom or pass out, but if that's what it took to keep him from laughing, I'm all for it.

There was actually a series of videos. Yes, more than one...goodygoody. There was about a 3 minute clip for each of the 3 "stages" of labor, plus a final one for the afterbirth. We only giggled once (and quietly) when Madelyn said they were going to show the placenta on the film and not to be alarmed that it looked like a liver. Joe said, "We could eat it with some fava beans," and I said "Wonder if they serve crackers with it?" I know. We're 12.

They showed the same 3 or 4 women progressing through labor, intertwined with narrative interviews. It was some time into the 3rd video (alllllmost the birth) that I realized all of the women they were showing us were not drugged. False. Advertising.

At the end of the videos, Madelyn asked if there were any questions. I spoke up and said, "So at what point in the 4 stages that we just saw do they administer drugs?" (Cue laughter from 95% of the class. Miss Priss looked at me as if I had asked when I could shoot my baby up with heroin.)

Madelyn replied, "Well, that depends on what kind of drugs you want or need."

I said, "Pretty much the strongest ones they make."

Again with the looks from Miss Priss!

Now, I know a lot of moms (and dads) are all about natural births. And I applaud you, I really do. But if you've ever met me, you know that I am notsogood with pain. Like, I am a beeyotch when I get a freakin' papercut. So, yes. I will be accepting any and all medications offered to me when I go into labor, legal or otherwise. Deal with it.

Back to the videos. They were scary. They were loud. They were exhilarating. They were beautiful. It really is incredible how God made us work. I mean, He even thought to make the plates in a baby's head 5 different pieces to fit through the birth canal. Personally, I wish He would have made the birth canal just a smidge bigger, but I'll deal with what I've got. :)

To those that have never seen a real, unedited birth video, I can't wait until you do. And I want to hear all about it. I'm not talking TLC's "A Baby Story," either. Totally not the same thing. Not. Even. Close.

Monday, March 2, 2009



I have pretty much been steaming over this post since Saturday night, when the "incident" I'm about to write about occurred. Allow me to set the stage for you:

I was at a community fundraiser event in Muskegon with Kelli on Saturday. She's kind of a big deal around the state, so she was asked to emcee and perform at said fundraiser. I went for (mostly) entertainment value and to enjoy one of our last sister weekends before WIP arrives.

We arrived at the venue on Saturday a bit before the show began and I was wandering around, looking for Kelli. (Please note: I had on the same outfit I wore to my shower - polka dot dress, black tights, black ballet flats...I promise this is important information.) Anyway, I found Kelli and we were walking to the restroom (surprise!) when a grumbly old woman approached me and snarled, "You're pregnant. This is your first."

What I wanted to say was, "Yes, Captain Obvious. I AM pregnant. How astute of you to notice!" But I mustered all the fake pleasantness I could and said, "Yep! My first - due in April. We're so excited!"

And the snarly old wench said back to me (as she scanned her rich, snobby judgemental eyes up and down me), "I could tell. Those ankles!"

Hold me back. I'm gonna rip her face off. She said "Those ankles!" as if I had some sort of flesh eating bacteria all over my body and I repulsed her to her very core.

Remembering that I was a guest of Kelli's and not wanting to embarrass her, I swallowed my true feelings and plastered a Patty Pageant smile on my face and said through clenched teeth, "Oh, yes. Thank you so much for pointing that out. It really makes a pregnant girl feel good about herself." And laughed it off.

To which SHE replies (again, with the eye roll and judgmental eye-scan), "Well, I'm a doctor. I notice these things."

SERIOUSLY. I was more appalled than I've ever been in my life. A doctor of ALL people should know that you DON'T point out a prego-woman's cankles. As if I don't feel disgusting enough already.

In summary: she sucks. And I'm wearing pants from here on out.

**Edited to add: In my pregnant state of absentmindedness, I neglected to mention that I returned home from said trip to a fabulously cleaned house, complete with laundry done, folded and put away. And the ironing was done, too! I told you Joey was awesome. Be jealous.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Sunday Savings.

Joe and I just got back from our semi-weekly grocery/miscellaneous item shopping trip to Meijer. This time, I ate before I went -- smart! That old adage, "never take a hungry pregnant woman shopping" is so, so true. Well, I suppose in our situation it's "never take a hungry Kristi or Joey shopping, regardless of spermination," but that's a post for another day.

As per my usual Sunday ritual, I clip-clip-clipped the coupons from the paper, filed through the existing stash and penned a shopping list before we left. That's right. I take this seriously.

I am so, so proud to report that we've bested our previous savings record by more than $30. Combining coupons and in-store savings, we saved $67.81.

I know. I about died, too. That vacation in November is looking more and more possible!!